Sex Reassignment Surgery.

[razorss2]

Hi.

I'm probably going to be told to stay out of their life, etc. but I'm just worried.

My daughter is wonderful (born male) and I wouldn't change her. However, I'm just really worried and saddened by the final stage. I fully support her and I don't think it's the wrong decision, she has never been so happy and excited in the whole of her life.

We started in the teenage years, puberty blockers, etc. etc. and we made that decision at the time with lots of help. When she hit adulthood she hadn't 'changed her mind' and went ahead with female puberty. She seems very much female and I suppose that great, she is happy.

She thanks me everyday for supporting her with puberty blockers, etc. and says it makes her struggle not as big now. I'm happy about that but still question if I did the right thing. I feel like I have, but I don't know. I've always let her be who she has wanted to be - she isn't even 'girly' this had nothing to do with what she liked to do/play with. It's never been one of those "I've known from an early age because she always wanted to wear dresses" as I think that's a load of crap. She hasn't ever been in to dresses, but even if she had, I'd have thought "a boy who likes an item of clothing" and that would have been it. She always liked 'stereotypical boy stuff' she actually still likes her hair in a pixicut and this is what makes me think I didn't make the wrong choice. Many people now would actually think she was a 'tomboy' (bloody hate that word) who likes the idea of being a boy, whereas it's not like that at all! It's funny, she still likes 'stereotypical boy stuff' yet she is getting her penis removed and this is why I think maybe I have done the right decision. I have never made it about stupid gender roles or what you're supposed to like, etc.

But I have such guilt on my shoulders (does anyone else!?) this surgery is her final step and I'm very proud of her. She's in her 20s now and I suppose I've done my bit but I'm just wondering if there are any other parents out there who have been in similar situations? I can't stop feeling guilty and I don't even know why. She is happy, has been the most confident I have seen her and has a great job. I'm so proud, but why such awful guilt?

By way of a bump...

I don't have any direct experience but was friendly with a woman and her partner who had been through reassignment surgery, through work.

She told me many times that the support of her parents had literally been a "life saver". The constant re-assurance that their love for her as a person - irrespective of gender - was paramount.

I haven't walked in your shoes, so it's impossible for me to try and understand what you are going through or to try and rationalise your feelings of guilt.

However I think I can say that you sound like a fantastic and supportive parent and your daughter is I am sure hugely grateful for that

Thank you so much for your kind message

You are very welcome

Not as a parent but I supported a friend through this (older than your DD) and the loving support of her mum helped things so much. She helped explain it to the family and moved in with her afterwards to care for her. Keep on doing what you're doing, it's so important and there's no need for guilt x

I have a transgender son ( born female) and i know exactly what you are saying. No matter how much support and counselling your child has had and no matter how very certain you are that you have helped and supported them there is always a tiny shadow of doubt that comes along now and then. Its usually at the milestones and big changes.
Its only natural to question, when you have had the immense shock of being told by your child that they cant live their life happily the gender they were born it makes you question many many aspects of your life just looking for answers.
I suppose its hardest because there is no definates in our situation.
As long as our children feel accepted and loved and we have given them time to grow and mature then thats all we can do XXX

Of course you're worried. Who wouldn't be? But it sounds like you have been immensely loving and supportive. You can only do your best, and you have. Wishing you well.