Gender Identity Disorder

[rednsparkley]

My 5yr old daughter is desperate to become a boy and we have been quite supportive of this in a 'let's see where this goes for now' kind of way. About 18 months ago (while still at nursery) she had her hair cut very short and started dressing as a boy. She started school as a boy called Jack. We now use 'he', 'his' and 'him' when talking about/to him.

So far school has been very supportive of Jack's decision (which I am very thankful for) but recently some of the children in his class have been teasing him and I am fairly certain that this is only the beginning of what we are going to have to go through with Jack should this not turn out to be a 'phase'

Does anyone have any experience of this that could point me in the right direction of any support. I have had a look at the Mermaids website and contacted them via email but wondered if there was anything else out there - particularly in the NW where I live. Thank you x

I am curious about the teasing...what is being said?

Unless j
jack is showing others what is under his pants how would anyone know what their sex is?

How have the achool handled the teasing so far?

I am not certain of exactly what has been said - it's along the lines of Jack not really being a boy and why is he not wearing a girl uniform and also that he is occasionally not allowed to join in with certain games/play with certain groups.

A lot of the children know 100% that Jack is a girl as they went to nursery with him when he was still a girl - when he first had his hair cut and started dressing more boyish, he still answered to his female name - it was over the summer holidays that Jack emerged.

School have been very supportive so far and the children in his class have been told that obviously teasing is not nice, it hurts people's feelings and that Jack is just Jack and no-one really needs to concern themselves with anything else at the moment. There is no suggestion that it is bullying behaviour as yet but I guess it certainly could go that way.

Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Four year olds tend to be very accepting of differences, but on the other hand I gave known four year old boys compare willies, which obviously puts Jack at a disadvantage.

When I was a kid I wanted to be called by a boys name and be a boy. For me, it was more about not wanting to be limited by what 'being a girl' seemed to mean - I just didn't identify with what that seemed to be when I was five or six.

I just wanted to feel free and run around and not play with dolls. So I decided to be a boy.

I realise that that has nothing to do with a real trans experience. I just thought I'd share.

I lost interest in being a boy after a year or two. My parents didn't react in any way really. It wasn't focused on.

all sounds a bit odd for reception kids
eg 'girl uniform'
there isnt much difference really at our kids school. some boys wore cardis most girls wore trousers. to be fair, no boys wore skirts.
what games is your child being excluded from? that doesnt sound nice behaviour. school shouldnt tolerate that. there isnt 'boy' or 'girl' only play

Jack is in Y1 not reception sanfairyanne and at our school the girls wear skirts and pinafores mostly and gingham dresses in the summer - some of the girls do wear skorts and trousers but not many and mainly from Juniors up, not infants.

lynette - yes, Jack would be at a distinct disadvantage if they were comparing willies Let's hope they don't play that game lol.

atrocious I remember being very much a tomboy as a child (I still am tbh) but I never identified as a boy, I always knew I was still a girl. Jack is convinced that he is a boy and that he will, by some miracle, (or Father Christmas) be gifted a willy. Whenever he thinks about growing up and getting breasts he gets very very distressed - so although we have pretty much treated this as a phase and been very relaxed about it and just gone with the flow, it shows no sign of abating and seems to be getting stronger.

I suppose I will just continue to monitor it and keep my eye on how the school handles things. I am hopeful that perhaps they will be able to access support that I can't if it becomes neccesary.

Thanks for your replies

How brave of you all not to suppress this issue, you found like a brilliant Mum!!

Thank you for saying that fred - I feel like we aren't really doing anything, just sort of going with the flow and letting it be at the moment. I think that'll just have to be our plan for now and see where that takes us

I don't have anything specifically helpful to add but wanted to echo fred - well done for being so supportive, Jack's really lucky to have parents like you.

Another round of applause for your supportive attitude. Whether or not it turns out to be a phase, Jack is learning that he can always count on you to accept him how he is.

My DD is 3.8 and very often tells us she's a boy. She wants short hair and jeans - will never wear a dress or hair clips or anything even remotely girly - and she gets mistaken for a boy pretty regularly . Not sure yet where it's going but we want to make sure she knows she's loved and accepted no matter what.

rednsparkly if you are any where near Manchester there is a support group for parents of transgender children/teens which meets monthly. If you send me a private message I'll send you more information(it's not advertised to the general public and you won't find details of it advertised except via the Child/Adolescent Gender Service)

I also wanted to be a boy from maybe about 4 to 9 years. I doubt I would have wanted to have breasts at that age if you'd asked me. I've got fairly large ones now and I would prefer them a bit smaller really. It doesn't mean I want to be a man though.
Like atrociouscircumstance, I think it was just because being a boy looked like a better deal, with more fun and more freedom!
I don't think my parents would have been serving my best interests if they had labelled me transgender, but then it wasn't fashionable at that time.

Both me and my closest sister took boy names for a while together - it gave us freedom to alternative identities, to be rough and climb and so on. Trans wasn't an option then, but in this world it surprises me not at all that some girls find this a way to reject the idea of growing up female. Who would not want to be in the dominant group?

It's very clear you are doing what you think is best to support your child in the fullest way you can, and that's lovely to see, but I just wish little girls were offered the chance to be, play, learn, dress, present and live however they liked without having to think of themselves from then on as boys.

Sorry my post sounded rude. What I meant was that maybe your daughter feels uncomfortable with the traditional roles that are assigned to girls, playing quietly, dolls, pink etc, so could it be helpful for her to know that she can continue to be a girl, but can choose whatever activities and clothing she's comfortable with. You could be really supportive of her by showing her that she doesn't have to be constrained gender roles and rules!
Obviously it's a few years in the future, but ultimately if she decides she's trans, then it could involve lifelong hormone treatment and major surgery, so if she can be happy without that, all the better imo.

YY archeryannie