My son told me last night he thinks he is bisexual. Can you help me with some questions?

[WantToHelpHim]

He's 13.

I love my boy & will support him no matter what - and it would be no surprise, I've long wondered.

My question (and I have spent all day trying to find answers online...) is whether it is "normal" (loathe as I am to use that word) for him to be confused about his sexuality. I hope I'm expressing this well, so I don't sound like an arse.

When you read about "outings" they are defined, clear - Mum, I'm gay. My son thinks he might be, but says he also likes girls. Is this normal? How can I help him navigate this maze? I desperately want him to be happy with who he is, and he has been withdrawn recently (and very clingy) which I think is down to the confusion.

Sorry if this doesn't read well - am spinning a bit. I just want to help him, and feel like I'm failing at the very first hurdle.

Thanks for any comments.

Am old-timer, with namechange (have MNers on FaceAche).

Not that that matters, just thought should add it

Difficult to know how common it is given his generation is probably the first that can admit such feelings of confusion.

Sexuality may be more fluid - often cited for women, but bear in mind that for men there probably still is much greater stigma to admit any sexual interest in men, greater repercussions for ever "trying" it.

It's a great sign of trust he told you this. I wouldn't think of helping as actively doing anything, as he'll have to figure it out, but be there as someone he can talk to. Confirming that it's ok to be bi and/or confused may also help take the pressure off to be sexually active only to find out.

13 is a confusing age. I could probably have known I was gay then but didn't, as this was then (25 years ago) just not talked about, not a concept that existed at all in my mind.

Most coming-out stories are probably clear because as long as there's stigma/ fear of rejection unless you were pretty sure you couldn't fake it you'd rather not tell, or you'd at least fake being 100% certain, so as not to get the "don't you think it might just be a phase? Let us introduce you to this charming son/daughter of the neighbours" ...

I think it is a confusing age and it's possibly not clear until later years which way one's sexuality may 'finalise', if at all.

I recall at 13 one of my male friends telling me he was sure he was gay. At 16, I had a crush on a female classmate (who had a boyfriend and was very 'grown up'). At 17, one of my female friends had a crush on me.

I think angler is spot on. It's great that your son feels comfortable enough to tell you this. I also think it's good to reinforce that whether you're straight, gay, or bi, it's okay. And that it's okay to be confused.
Just let him know that he's fine as he is, and that you'll be there to help or listen as and when he wants to talk about it more.

Thank you, both. Sorry not to reply - I'm having to do it out of sight of children (have 2 other children who don't know anything about this).

I hope I've said the right things - I told him last night that it doesn't matter whether he's gay, straight or anywhere in between. Love is love is love.

I feel so proud of him. Which I realise is probably ridiculous, but I do. Also overwhelmed that he's at the start of a journey that I'm not familiar with. So many emotions!

I'm gay. I came out to my parents 16. I quite clearly remembering liking both girls and boys at one time. I also have straight friends who have openly admitted to experimenting with the same sex when they were younger.

At 13, your sons hormones are going wild. His body is just starting to make him sexually aware. Now, this could be a case of raging hormones making him feel different things. But also, he could genuinely be bisexual. I knew I was gay from being about 11 - I remember having a crush on another boy in my class. But I left it a few years before saying anything because I knew my feelings could change.

I think the best thing to do, is reassure your son that his feelings are ok, it happens to lots of us. But it's also important that he doesn't make a firm decision so young as it could change. Let him discover his sexuality in his own time, this wi naturally happen over the next few years.

Bless you for being a supportive parent.

Whoops. I didn't quite realise how old this thread was. Oh well, hopefully it might help someone else :)

I came out as lesbian at about the same age...about a year later I had a boyfriend. It confused my mum, and she teased me about it, but to me I was just 'going with the flow'. I still don't know 'what' I am to be honest!

Just let him find his own way, he's probably confused by emotions. You sound like you're handling it well :)

Being bisexual is itself a sexuality. It doesn't mean he is confused. I came out as bisexual when I was about that age. I have had relationships with women and men since.
A lot of people think bisexual means confused because so many gay people come out as bi first to soften the blow. Obviously that may be the case here.
He will work it out it's all part of growing up and seeing who he likes. It's fantastic that he's told you and can talk to you about this. Secrets make it so much harder.

Can anyone offer me some advice on this; my son has just said he is bi; he is 16 and has been chatting to men on an over 18 website. I’m trying to explain that isn’t safe but he wants to know how he can meet boys without everyone finding out??? Any advice??