Divorce - how much will it cost and how long will it take???

[awishes]

Hi - was going to find all this out today but solicitor cancelled free half hour and cannot rebook me for 2 weeks! I am being pushed into seeking a divorce due to DHs horrible behaviour, mostly over money. We have 2 dc small mortgage and savings. I was SAHM until recently and earn a quarter of what he earns. He will not move out or agree to a divorce or talk about these options! Every post I read on here it seems that the man leaves - how do you make this happen?! Any advice welcomed.....

How long is a piece of string?

The speed of a divorce depends on the speed of your solicitor's acting on your instruction, but mainly on how long it takes your ex to sign / return paperwork. Mine took 4 years, as my ex refused to complete the paperwork for as long as possible.

Solicitor acts for you, so once you have one don't speak to ex about anything to do with divorce. They will handle getting him to move out, etc.

If you agree things between you (understand this sounds unlikely) you can print off the forms from the internet and do it for about 160 quid.
If you go via solicitors it could run to thousands depending on how much you disagree/how long it takes. The solicitor is always the biggest winner!
Expand on 'horrible behaviour.' If it is abusive you can get him removed from the home.
If you have small dc you would likely be awarded the marital home to stay in until they are 16 or 18 I think.
What grounds are you thinking of divorcing on?

you need to think separately about the divorce - ie ending the marriage - and about the finances - called 'ancillary relief'. They are two different processes.

You don't have to agree it between you for a do-it-yourself divorce. Have a google and see what you think about trying it yourself. If you use a solicitor it could cost up to £1200, but you might get an order that your soon-to-be ex pays the costs. It takes a few months, typically, but if the money isn't sorted out the court might say you have to wait until you have resolved finances before it can be finalised.

Ancillary relief can take ages and can cost a fortune. Or it can be over quickly and many people do it all themselves. It all depends. By and large the parent with care of the children is quite likely to keep the home until the kids are 18, provided he/she can pay for it (with help of benefits if necessary and with payments from other parent perhaps. Both spouses need somewhere to live, of course, and this is top priority after the kids' housing is sorted out.

could you pay the mortgage if you were on your own? How much would you get in tax credits on your sole income?

What tld said. If it is amicable you can get it done quickly for not much money. If it isn't amicable, it could take years and tens of thousands of pounds.

If he is hurting you or threatening to hurt you, you could apply for an occupation order and he would have to leave the home, but this is quite extreme.

You are not guarranteed to stay in the house even if you are caring for the children, it does depend entirely on how much money there is. If he can afford to run two homes then he will be expected to while the children are young, but if the money isn't there, it isn't there.

There is lots of good stuff on the web and Which does a guide - divorce for dummies? I think.

Best advice is to try not to let your emotions rule your actions - easy to say I know, not so easy to do - and just grit your teeth and try to get the divorce process out of the way as quickly and cheaply as possible. I have seen too many clients who have fought for YEARS, at a terrible emotional and financial cost. The only winners in that situation are the lawyers.

Thanks for your replies, I'm looking at 5 years then!
The children aren't small any longer - youngest is 8.
The horrible behaviour isn't drastic but I am struggling to cope with it mentally -
Sleeping downstairs
Will not converse atall
Comes and goes as he pleases
DOES NOTHING IN HOME TO HELP - ATALL!
Will not eat with us
Wants me to spend a maximum of £300 per month on food, petrol etc for the family....!
The rest is a bit petty, but do you get the gist of it? None of it is new but it has escalated to the point where it is effecting the children and that's what made me consult a solicitor.

Thanks Iheartdusty and Spero I would love to keep the house as it is the childrens home and five mins from schools and my place of work. I could pay the mortgage but not much else without any support from him. Don't know about tax credits - something to look into.
The man that is never here and does nothing to maintain it said he will never leave his home.

you would get child maintenance - used to be done by the CSA but there is a new name for them now.

have a look at entitledto.com for your benefit situation.

Sorry wanted to say thank you to everyone.I feel a bit more in control now. It's hard when you feel like you are being pushed to do something where other people are going to have a say in your life(home,children)but the alternative is to grin & bear it a lot longer and I'm worried what example that will set to DCs

If you could manage the mortgage, sounds like you will be able to stay in the home. He will be entitled to have somewhere to live if its affordable, but the first consideration of the courts will be the children so he can't force you to sell up if he could raise a mortgage on his earnings or rent. But if there is a lot of equity he will be entitled to a share once the children are 18 or have finished full time education.

It doesn't sound like you have enough for an occupation order, unless the children are suffering quite serious emotional harm.

So I think you need to get on with it, in worst case scenario if he just sticks head in sand and won't co-operate, the court can still make orders, sign docs on his behalf etc. But it will take a long time to get there.

I would suggest trying to get him to mediation with you, if that won't work I guess a solicitors letter is your next option, maybe he will sit up and take notice then?

Spero thank you so much for your help. I would like to go to mediation and asked him years ago to come to Relate but to no avail.

When you say a solicitors letter to jolt him do you mean I could ask for that as opposed to going straight to divorce proceedings?

There is lots of equity in the house and I would be happy to sell up once the children are 18 and pay him out. But that is just a dream......

Thanks bb, I see what you are saying but do we have to agree that we are seperating? Unless I really have misunderstood him I think that he will REFUSE to do anything - that I am just threatening divorce/ calling his bluff etc. I don't think that he will agree and that we will argue through solicitors forever.
I think that he expects us to live like this until the children have grown up. But even they are saying that they don't want him to be with us anymore( I know that isn't nice/right/ perhaps fair, and will probably change but that is how badly they feel about the situation at the moment). How sad.

Thanks again Babybarrister. I've got an appointment with solicitor tomorrow so maybe things will be a bit clearer then

Hi all, I hope someone can help me!
My husband and i have seperated as i disscoverd his affair! hearing him on his phone with this woman made it very clear. he is now staying with his father and is telling me to sell the house i live in with our two sons who are 18 and 22 both just left full time education. my husband now works freelance so i cant prove he is working and he is telling me he has no work. we have been married for 29yrs and i havnt worked for years as iv helped him with his own companys. we have alot of debt so would break even if sold all assets. but he is due to inherit almost a million from his father who is 82 and not in the best of health. (may sound awfull but my husband has lost us alot of money in the past eg, a hundred thousand pounds on a film that never made us a return). sorry to be soooo long winded but hope someone can help me.