I think my husband is going to leave me. Where do I stand legally?

[scaredtodeath]

I have named changed for this as there are people who know my real chat name in RL.

I am a stay at home mom and I have been married for almost ten years.We ahve two young children. During these past ten years I have put up with absolute misery from my husband. He is addicted to internet chat and He has met with women in RL. At least I think he has because I have found text messages suggesting as much. He never shows any remorse and has stopped caring that I know he is doing it. In fact he says its all my fault because I nag him about his constant drinking so this is his escape which I think is a load of BS. He has been cruel and topped it off this past weekend by telling me that he doesn't love me anymore and he is thinking of leaving me.
I guess what I want to know is where this leaves me legally. What am I entitled to. We rent our home and I have no income because I have stayed at home for the pat 7 years. I am from the states and have no UK qualifications bwhich has made getting a job here (I did work when we were first married) very hard.

Could you move back to the states? Do you have family over there or here?

I'm so sorry , he sounds awful

I have no family here at all apart from my children. I would hate to make them leave my dd has lots of friends and loves her school. He has been an awful husband but is a wonderful father and I wouldn't want them to be without him.
I also have made loads of wonderful friends and feel very settled here.

Okay, well you are entitled to half the marital assets. Plus he would have to pay maintenance for the children. Getting a job without UK qualifications is possible, have you tried ringing a good university and asking them about equivalency levels so you can post on your CV for example 'high school diploma (equivalent 5 GCSEs A-C)'

Is it possible if you tell him it stops or he moves out he would actually be shocked into stopping this bad behaviour?

If he is an alcoholic btw, he is probably not able to cope with the emotions of the situation and may just be ignoring the whole thing.

Does he have any family who could put pressure on him to bring him back into line?

I have thought about getting the equivlency exams but I've always put it off thinking I would do it when both kids were in school.

I have thought about kicking him out but I am worried that this is what he wants. Also I don't want him to be able to say I've kicked him out. If he leaves he has to walk out on us. The responsibilty should lie with him I feel.

He is an alcholic but won't admit to it. I'm very worried that if we seperate he will want the kids to stay with him overnight which is a no go because of his drinking.

Cheating is normal in his family. His Dad does it to his Mom and so does one of his brothers. His mom just accepts it and my SIL struggles with it but hasn't left my bil. I have discussed this with his mom but she won't say anything. She thinks I am blowing things out of proportion. The truth is she would rather pretend that it isn't happening.

We don't own our home so don't really have any assets. Would he have to pay me some sort of alimony until I could get a job that pays enough?

no alimony - just maintenance for the kids.

You would have to get a job - sorry. He will have to pay for his children, though if he skips off into the sunset you'll be hard pressed to get money out of him. British justice you know.

You don't need equivalency exams, but if you find the level of them you can add it to your CV - this will help employers who are not familiar with the international qualifications. I used to work for a university and we quite often got bizarre ones we had to look up. we recommended people put the details on their CV with 'equivalent to' on graduating and this increased their employability about 30%.

HI- I hadn't worked for 6 years.
Eventually I got a job, and DP moved out. We shared the same house for 7 months and it was absolute hell.

Start to organise how you will move out, get as much info and advice as you can.

Go to the council, housing associations, ring womens aid- they are really good and may be able to help.

You do not deserve this emotional abuse and neither do your DC.

I never thought I would be able to manage...but you know what? I am. And you will too. x

Wow thats pretty scary. Not that I think he should support me forever but being that I was the brains behind his amazing career and stayed at home with the kids I can't believe he can leave me with nothing.

Thanks chocolate pants, I'm so glad that things have worked out for you.

Actually I think I'm going to throwup.

Don't be scared. Being in limbo is much worse, my last marriage broke up and I instigated it because I could not stand the constant tension in the house. And it was hard, yes, but I got through it. Met someone lovely and married him after we divorced and five years later here I am, very happy.

Its lovely to hear you are happy.

Its hard not to be scared. I've planned my whole life around my family. We had so many plans and now it feels like that could be pulled out from under me at any minute. I have worked so hard to keep our family happy and in one piece.

I don't want to be alone

You will have your family, you just will not have the idiot dribbling in the corner anymore.

Contrary to some of the advice given above, you may be entitled to maintenance for yourself in addition to child maintenance. However, it may not be very much. If he has any pensions you will be entitled to some of that. Your best move would be to see a solicitor specialising in family law. Many will give an initial half hour consultation for free. They will be able to give you a clear idea of where you stand.

I echo what prh47bridge says. Get yourself to a solicitor who specialises in family law. Failing that, get down the Citizens Advice Bureau - they'll get you heading in the right direction.

I know this is scary but you can do this. You can be happy again. You won't be alone, you've got two lovely kids.

Thank you. Your words are kind and encouraging.

I will try to find a solicitor who might give me a free consultation.

What about custody arrangments. Is there a possibility of him having them overnight? That worries me sick.

The solicitor will let you know exactly what his entitlements are WRT contact arrangements. If you have to wait a while for your appointment, try and speak to CAB. They are BRILLIANT!

ok thanks so much will do

Good luck. Let us know how you get on x

my husband has just dropped the bombshell he wants to leave me and his two girls. it is awful i love him so much but he says doesnt feel aprt of the family. shift work has killed OUR time together. i just cope with the house, girls etc etc whilst he does nothing. if i moan thats wrong if i go silent and get on with things thats wrong too. i think he is realising what he has suggeted now and i hoep we can work things out. mit is going to be really tough and i dont know how i can manage to live in the houase on my own with bills etc etc .

Regarding your qualifications have a look at www.naric.org.uk they can give you a letter stating the UK equivalent of your US qualifications.

Good luck