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Original poster

Can my recently ex-H say this?

18 replies

ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 16:03

I think it is rubbish...however, part of me is worried by how he speaks with conviction.

Briefly- we have joint mortgage, he has recently moved out. I have been SAHM for last 6 years,something we both agreed on, recently returned back to work, basically so he can move out and afford somewhere to rent.

The other day he came round and started being abusive- I asked him to leave and he replied he would leave in his own time.
I said I was getting upset, he wasn't living there anymore, but he said that as he has paid the mortgage as the main earner for years, and now still pays half the mortgage, he can come round whenever he likes.

After a while I went upstairs and after a bit he left.

It feels wrong him being in here now, he sees the DCs really regularly- they can see him whenever they want. I have not visited his house yet.

So can he do this?

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 23/06/2010 16:07

You can get an order prohibiting him coming round if he is abusive or violent.

It's quite expensive - I was quoted 2k - so I would just leave the room if I were you and maybe he will get bored. Maybe if he gets no reaction he will get bored

get a lock for your bedroom door though so you have somewhere to escape to .

Lauriefairycake · 23/06/2010 16:07

He can come round whenever he likes unless you get a possession order.

Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 16:10

God really- he can just walk in?

But I wouldn't do it to his house because it is his personal space now.

I really didn't realise. I think he has been coming in when I'm not here though too.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 16:10

Thanks for replying btw!

OP posts:
BigBadMummy · 23/06/2010 16:12

His name is on the deeds, not because he pays the bills, because legally he owns the property.

So until such time as you do something legally to change that, he can come and go as he pleases.

If you change the locks, he can change them back etc.

You have to take legal steps to prevent this now if you wish to stop him.

his house is just that now, as your name is not on the deeds or tenancy. The house you are currently living in is yours jointly.

That is the difference.

Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 16:14

yes, thanks- he was trying to intimidate me, but good practise would be to respect my spce iwpould have thought?

Buuger! Anyway thanks ladies, I thought it was just him beoing a bully, oops!

OP posts:
passmyglassplease · 23/06/2010 16:20

hi chocolate, fyi I am in the process of getting an occupation order against exh, long story but it was easy enough to do.

Went to the court paid £60, filed the order, we were heard in court the next week and ex was bound over ie he cant come near the property until the final decision of a judge which is due to be heard in aug.

so far it has cost me just £60 and I have used CAB for advice, so it is possible it just depends if you want to do it yourself.

Good luck

Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 16:32

Ok thanks, that could be an option.

I don't really want to do it, I am just hoping his behaviour settles down, he can be really abusive, but it tends to just be in short bursts.

He was the one who ended our marriage, decided he couldn't be bothered to sort things out...he didn't WANT to sort things out, but that's fair enough, I am happier now anyway, concentrating on working and kids and noone to tell me what a shit mother/person I am.

Thanks for replies everyone.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 23/06/2010 16:39

Not sure of the ins and outs of it but my bro got some kind of court order against his ex as well, to prevent her coming in the house when he wasn't there (or actually even when he was if he didn't want her there). Can't imagine it cost him much (or he wouldn't have done it) - so as passmyglasses says, go to the CAB and see what can be done.

If he is being abusive to you, you can also try ringing Womens Aid to see what they advise. You shouldn't have to put up with crap like that in your home, regardless.

Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 17:11

Thanks thumbwitch- I went to see a CAB solicitor months ago- he has still been living here for 7 months although we have 'split up', which has been really, really hard emotionally, but he couldn't move out until I found a job- and the solicitor was really helpful then. I have her card, so will give her a ring.

Thanks everyone- it is a really horrible thing to go through and it is really great to have advice and info from people, am just floundering through the whole thing really!

OP posts:
CarGirl · 23/06/2010 17:16

usually when you split the solicitors do get the non-resident to make an agreement that it is no longer their main residence and that they will not enter at will without permission etc.

If he steps foot over the threshold again then you can phone the police because it is no longer his main residence and they will attend because it is breach of the peace etc. SIL has been through this in reverse as she left the property and her H changed the locks and they told if she changed them back/forced entry etc etc etc then they could charge her with criminal damage despite her name being on the deeds because it was no longer her main residence.

Basically don't let him in and if he gets at all abusive phone the police and tell them he is threatening/frightening you and they will attend (eventually)

Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 17:18

Thanks, that was my initial reaction, that he nop longer lives there, so shouldn't just come in when he wants.

Will check it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 17:18

Sorry, sometimes my dyslexia shines through in messages, sometimes it keeps quiet.

OP posts:
droitwichmummy · 23/06/2010 17:20

Women's Aid are really good for loads of things including helping people to apply for an Occupation Order without a solicitor. I think they also have details of solicitors who will give a limited amount of help for free so worth getting in touch with them. (They can also get someone to change your locks for you if you need them to!) Good luck

Original poster
ChocolatePants · 23/06/2010 17:30

Thanks dritwhich

OP posts:
STIDW · 23/06/2010 18:16

A solicitor's letter might do the trick. Many people assume that because they own property they can come and go as they please. This isn't strictly true. For example a landlord may own a property but can't just come and go as they please.

Although your husband is a legal owner of the property it isn't his home any more, he no longer lives there and you have rights to privacy and a family live.

mamas12 · 23/06/2010 23:04

Sorry you are going through this, it is shit isn't it.
I also think that you could put a bolt on the inside of your doors saying that you are thinking of you and dcs safety now you are living on your own now.
It means you haven't changed the locks, but know that he cannot just walk in.
Hope that helps.
See womens aid though they are brill.

babybarrister · 24/06/2010 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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