where do I even start?

[hoxtonbabe]

Hi,

I have a 12 year old DS, I have the opportunity to leave the UK and live in the Middle East, my fiance and father of my 2year old lives out there and we are planning on getting married in September, so in the meantime trying to get as much of the paperwork needed in order to go over as a family as we can't budge until we are married, now whilst me and baby are quite straightforward, my big DS who is my fiance's stepson is proving a bit more tricky. I have been reading on some webistes that I will need to do the following below:

Proving legal custody. The parent who resides, or intends to reside in the UAE must be able to prove legal custody of the child by submitting court-approved documents to this effect.

Submitting a ?no objection? certification from the parent or legal guardian who will not reside with the child, stating that he/she allows the stepparent to sponsor the child in the UAE. The no-objection letter must be approved in the home country by the appropriate authority, must be legally binding, and bear the signature of the relevant authority.

• The custodial parent must obtain approval of the no-objection letter from the UAE Embassy and foreign ministry in his/her home country.

• If the non-custodial parent is dead, and the custodial parent is remarried, a no-objection certificate should be acquired from interested family members in accordance with the relevant laws of the home country

This too wouldn't be too bad if I knew where his father was, he has played no part or had any contact with his son for 11 years, I am the sole carer and I dont even know if hes dead or alive. We were never married or even lived together, my son has my surname on all his legal documents but unfortunatley his dad is on the birth certificate.

Could anyone advise on where and how to start.

Many thanks

If I were you, I would ring the embassy and ask them what they would advise for someone in your situation. You can google and get their number.

I would guess they would want you to submit some kind of document stating the facts you have outlined here. You really need to speak to a human being about this.

I called them and they were not helpful in the least bit, the problem is do we take the risk, if hubby goes over and then we find out stepson can not go, then he would have to come back and more than likely to no job as the option of him staying out there and coming back every 8 weeks is a total no-no. I think I will need to see a solicitor.

I was in a similar situation nearly 5 years ago. I was moving out to the ME with my (new) husband and had two children from previous marriage. Paperwork/visa etc for me was easily enough sorted although it couldn't be processed until we were actually married. I remember my best friend at the wedding literally having to snatch the marriage certificate and fed ex it out to the ME to get the ball rolling.

With regards to my two children from the first marriage, initially I was told I needed a Court order regarding residence in my favour. I argued the point that things have progressed a lot in childrens proceedings and now under the Children Act there is the 'no order' principle which basically means that neither parent needs to have a Court order for Contact or Residence (previously access and custody)

I therefore just had to get a letter from my ex-husband via a Solicitor saying he consented to me taking the DC abroad. Basically he just saw a friend who was a Solicitor and had a 2 liner letter drafted confirming his consent and this was accepted.

Difficult in your position if you have no contact with your DSs father. I would have thought your best bet would be to do a sworn statement setting out that you and his father were never married, he has had no contact with your DS for 11 years and you have no idea where he is and despite your best efforts you cannot trace him. That might do the trick.

Where in ME are you hoping to go?

thanks mumoverseas.

We have a choice of Jeddah (which is the last choice due to it probably being the hardest with the visas) Bahrain, most of the UAE and Qatar.

TBH I would prefer for my sons dad to give up all parental rights presuming we can even find him. I have an appointment next week with a family lawyer, hopefully they will be able to shed some more light on this

Am wondering whether it may be easier in the long run for your fiance to adopt your DS? If your DS has had zero contact, then presumably wouldn't object. Or if you can say that reasonable investigations have been made

Not sure how long a private uncontested adoption would take, but it may be worth while in the end, especially as you will be living as a family? You would of course need to know what your rights would be should the marriage end in a foreign country and the parental positions (just to make sure you are going into it with your eyes open...)

Not sure I would want the whole adoption thing, by the time everything is done and dusted it will probably be time to come back to the uk, plus even though my son gets on with hubby and vice versa, he is in no rush to be calling him dad

go for Bahrain, much nicer than KSA or Dubai although I've not been to Qatar. Friends have gone there and say it is nice.

Good luck with your appointment with family lawyer.

hubby loves bahrain, and although the option is there, boss is being a bit of a pain about it as he would prefer to keep him here for his own needs(how nice of him!) the other places are through other companies who need an answer sharpish, Dubai im not too fussed about as I am not as keen on it as Abu as I did not like it when we went there on holiday, but I really liked Abu dhabi, however in the UAE I have a better choice of schools for my son who is statemented, so to be honest I will go wherever can accomodate my son's school needs which so far is bahrain and the UAE, there is one in Qatar that could help, but doesnt really have any extra support for him whereas the others do...Oh the joys!

Definitely don't come to KSA then, they have no real support for SN which is appalling in this day and age.
I have a friend who is the deputy head at a British school in Qatar so I could ask her if you like about what support there is there?

Yes, I have to admit with the exception of one school in the KSA who I can not get in contact with as they never pick up the phone there isn't any other schools that could help my son.

Im already starting to feel deflated over this, I spoke with a solicitor who for some odd reasson seemed to be more intrested in helping my sons father?!? I asked about me obtaining full custody or any legal way of me not having to have to gain permission from the useless wonder for any major decisions (especially as he has made no decisions in my DS's life since he was born anyway) and she told me no, I would always need to gain his permissions and there is no way of me having full custody, i then piped up well what if I wanted my partner to adopt him surely DS can not have two fathers she then puts me on hold for about 10mins to ask someone and gets back to me and says "well yes, then DS biological dad will eventually give up all rights to DS, but after long lengthy process" I then went on to say, so then there is a a way of me having total custody over my DS then regardless of Adpotion or not, solicitor then says yes, she then starts rattling on about in her opionion myself and DS dad should go to mediation and not go down the full custody route?!?! Yes, that will work on the man who decided to abandon his son 11 years ago!

Naturally I will not be continuing my case with them. I wish I never put his name on the BC, this would have saved heaps of trouble :-(

I am moving to Abu Dhabi next year, so may see you there! (mos - can email you a question re family law? not for me but for family memeber)

no worries MABS, I've been really busy with family law questions the past few days, must be that time of year!

Finally I have some more positive news on this.

I found out from the childrens legal centre and a family solictior that because my son was born before 2003 and I was never married to him I automatically have full parental rights and dad has none! Should dad want HE will have to apply for it, so as it stands I can take myself and son wherever I want without his permission and once I am married to fiance, the I can give new hubby equal parental rights which I am hoping will help. The problem is the guy I was speaking to at the embassy was saying I either have to have an NOC or court order, however I do not need a court order and courts wont give anyway as dad has not appiled for parental rights and its something he has to initiate and a NOC again would just be an empty document as he has no legal say in my DS's life. Solicitor was saying guy at embassy was probably applying the NOC/Court order rule as a general or what they would do in the UAE, but she said there is no way I could get a court order as there is no need for one and courts would not even entertain it, so she and I would like to assume that this is a case by case matter.

Next problem now is, the Abu Dhabi job is saying partner would need to go over on single status for 6 months then we could come out, not sure I am comfortable with that, I realise I wouldn't be able to go over straight away either way, but I am worried that he will go over on single status and then they try to keep it that way, also I do think 6 monmths is long for kids, especially the 2 year old to not see dad, when dad was gone for 4 weeks in Bahrain he really misseed him, I on the other hand was quite happy to do less housework, cook less and have the bed all to myself...teehee