HELP I NEED ADVICE ABOUT VIOLENT EX, CAFCASS FIRST HEARING AT COURT FOR CONTACT.

[mumluv]

Hi I recently fled from my soon to be ex husband due to his domestic violence, we had been together 3 years in total married a few months and I had to kick him out due to his violence to myself and the children.
His violent ways still carried on even though he never lived with us. My children and I were placed in a women's refuge and have now been rehoused. I have filed for divorce and now he says he wants to see the children, our son is terrified he can remember his dad and what he did to us.
During the relationship I lived mostly in silence about his ways apart from our families knowing, my midwife knew through my pregnancies, she begged me to leave I have a letter from her and an incident where I had to call the police as he tried to kill me and our son by trying to run us over, silly me let it go and had him back to live with many other things happened to us but as I say I lived in silence.
He is so evil he takes cocaine and drinks heavily everyday, I had to get my babies away from him they have witnessed enough of his ways and violence.
He is making out that I take drugs which I do not and will do a drugs test to prove it he also said that I have mental illnesss which is also a lie, he is just trying to get back at me.
Through all the time we were separated (a year) he came to see the kids 3 times and the last time resulted in violence so thats why we left.
Will cafcass take all of this into consideration??????? I have a interview with them soon and I'm so worried that they will let him have the kids unsupervised, he is a crazy man, he drinks and drives I'm so worried for my ikkle ones, I have court soon too, my solicitor is ok but doesnt really go into much detail is there any other mus with similar stories? please what was the outcome , thanks for your time a very tired worried mummy xx

You will have a meeting with your case worker. be warned, they can be hit and miss in their usefullness.

They will want to speak to you and your DC but ask for the first meeting to be just you and them as that way you will be able to be open and honest about the details.

lay it all out.
they will be speaking to your Xh as well but try not to go into claim and counter claim.

the idea of your meeting is for you to outline what sort of contact you do or dont think should happen.
by all means say that you are worried that your DC is scared but if he is old enough to speak for himself then try not to speak for him.

don't panic. just be calm and open.

agree with Gigantaur.
Also, have you kept a diary of the various incidents? Make sure you have a copy of the letter from the midwife and copies of any police reports.
The fact that you had to go to a refuge speaks for itself, people don't take that step lightly.
Above all, as Gigantaur says, remain calm and concise. Usually the first meeting is just the parents and the CAFCASS officer however in cases where there has been domestic violence it is sometimes possible for you to be in a separate room. If you are frightened of him, you will not be able to speak freely with him in the same room. Ensure your solicitor is fully aware of your fears for yourself and your DC. Good luck

Good advice from the others.

I have heard from a friend who has been in a similar position as you, she felt that CAFCASS was definitely biased towards the violent ex, as they (CAFCASS) believe that fathers should have the right to see their children no matter how violent, aggressive etc they have been

She has advised me to treat CAFCASS with extreme caution, they are not on your side particularly, so remain wary.

Sorry its so negative, but I would rather know what I am dealing with, than carry on under the misapprehension that they are there to help me personally!!

Good luck.

CAFCASS are there to ensure that what ever is in the best interests of the child is carried out. They are on no-ones side apart from the childs/children.
The starting point is that it is in the best interests of the child to have contact with both parents. They however of course have to take into account all the circumstances. Sometimes, very sadly, the mother (usually the parent with residence) is deliberately obstructive towards contact, not because the child doesn't want contact or she is in fear of the childs safety, but through bitterness.
Other situations, it is clear that unsupervised contact is not appropriate for many reasons and in these cases it is normally arranged that contact take place either at a contact centre or supervised by an agreed third party (relative or friend)

It is only in very extreme circumstances where there shouldn't be contact.

Don't forget, all cases are different and you cannot compare like for like. And as passmyglass says, remember the CAFCASS officer is not your friend or on your side, they are on the side of your child

you say he was also violent to the children? what did he do to them?

what access (if any) wold you like?

fwiw my cafcass officer was amazingly good and managed to persuade the judge for a section 19 (14) to prevent the ex making repeated court applications...they DO spot the waste of spaces and wont always insist on contact if there was violence.

Although I take on board the comments from mumoverseas, it is simply not always the case that CAFCASS do what is right for the child.

What is stated is as it should be, but sadly the reality is often very different.

I speak from very sad experience with a guardian ad litem so bad, even the local authority legal team and social worker describing my treatment as dickensian.

I believe that a number of their officers do abuse their power, because at the end of the day it is easier for a Judge to go with the report of the CAFCASS officer; they are officers of the court and it is not the done thing to impugn their integrity.

To back up what I say, please look at the OFSTED reports for CAFCASS.

However, that is not to say that mumoverseas is wrong, she is right. It is very rare for there to be no contact with the father. It is often suggested by CAFCASS that contact begins in a supervised setting such as a contact centre which may make you feel more secure.

Beware of this; it will not stay there for good, it is a way of re-starting contact where there are doubts about the father and if it goes okay, it will probably lead to unsupervised contact.

We did not stop contact because of any bitterness, it was due to violent, out of control conduct by the father which got to the stage where a panic alarm had to be fitted in my home by the police. He has convictions for violence.

Sorry to be negative. I strongly recommend you get a solicitor who wants to fight (perhaps the wrong word) for your child and yourself. It is also important to get a good barrister, go with your instincts. Dont be afraid to change.

Thanks you all so much for your replies, you have made it more clear for me, my solicitor seems vague, the only reason my X is trying for contact is to get back at me he know that the children are my world, he never wanted the children he always said I trapped him and if he wanted a kid he would have got himself a doll! He slapped my son's legs when my son was 13months old because he wouldn't stay still for his nappy change, he even tried to kill us both - for which I have an incident number as the police were called.
I have a cafcass interview vis telephone not sure when as they didnt tell me but I will talk to them honestly, I will have to accept contact for the children but I deffo want it supervised, knowing my ex he will not keep it up anyway.
My solicitor said there may be a fact finding report as my X is denying DV my gosh! I left everything my job, my home my family my life! I do have a support worker for the DV she has written a wonderful letter ststing that she has no concerns of my parenting and that I am not crazy and a druggie as he claims, I will keep you all posted on what is happeneing thanks again mums xx

Elsie, I'm sorry if you misunderstood me. In my experience, quite a few women do initially try to prevent/obstruct contact out of bitterness. I fully accept and appreciate that there are some occasions when contact simply isn't appropriate, such in the case of violence. I'm very sorry you've had negative experiences and hope that all is ok now with you and your DC.

Hi all just heard that my X was arrested yesterday for a violent act on another adult his brother told me - they do not get on. Will this affect his case with the children?
He is out of control!!!
Thanks

arrested not yet convicted?

wont look good for him. but prob wont affect seeing his kids! depends on what happens now....

he is likely to get contact but you can specify supervised only at a contact centre given the background.

take charge: have a look at contact centres near you go visit them etc - try
www.naccc.org.uk/

be honest and open with cafcass - say everyhting starting "i think it is best for the chldren that..." ie make it about the dcs