Marriage?

[NotMarried]

I have been with my dp for over 10 years, we have a dc who is 3 and hope one day to have another. We are reasonably "solid". Our relationship is by no means perfect - who's is? - but we are committed to providing a loving, stable and respectful environment for our family in as much as we can.

I have a very romantic notion of marriage and in some respects feel that my time has now passed. There are no more butterflies and the swooning has long stopped - I will never feel "swept off my feet".

I have been reading a few things on here that make me feel that I should be married in order to protect myself and my dc should anything happen to my dp. Legally I own the house with my dp so that is not an issue. He has life assurance of which I am the "benefactor". What other things do I need to consider? Neither of us has a will.

Really, I feel "wrong" getting married for "legal reasons" but at the same time realise I'm not going to get married to anyone else for "romantic" reasons. Considering the above, do I need to get married - am I fool not to?

At least do Wills to clarify what happens regarding the property if you die first. Also what happens if you both die?

thanks for replying nymphadora ... house in both our names so surely it automatically goes to the surviving partner?

As you don't have wills, the house is an issue. If something happens to him his share in the house will not go to you. It will go to your child or, in the worst possible case where your child dies first, to his parents or other relatives. The same goes for the rest of his estate. You can, of course, sort that out by making wills.

If there will be any inheritance tax to pay when he dies it will have to be paid straight away. If you are married it won't become payable until you die. Remember that his half of the house counts as part of his estate in working out whether any inheritance tax is due. The life assurance benefits may also be taxable if you are not married, although most such policies are arranged so that no tax will be payable regardless.

If the government recognises marriage within the tax system as the Conservatives were saying before the election, there may be a small tax benefit from getting married.

Whilst the situation for cohabiting partners has improved, should your relationship end you will have more protection financially if you are married.

There is also evidence that couples who are married tend to stay together longer than couples who aren't.

To correct myself slightly, what happens to the house when one of you dies depends on whether you are joint tenants or tenants in common. If you are joint tenants the house will go to the surviving partner. If you are tenants in common the dead partner's share of the house will go to your child.

I seem to remember that there is a state benefit for widowed parents that you don't get if you're not married

We have tenants in common with a proviso in my will that dh can live in the house until death or he remarries/live in partner. I am v paranoid about my kids losing out to a new partner (seen this happen in my family)

never heard of tenants in common, what is that? we are joint tenants though so house situ is fine.

I'm not worried about any tax benefit that might come from being married - that in itself for me is a reason to stay unmarried

Does anyone know what happens to any money in bank accounts?

I think there was an online pledge thing somewhere that I saw where people signed up to promise to donate any married person's tax allowance to charities like Gingerbread for single parents

tenants in common basically is the house split into 2 , we own half each. Rather than we share the house.

With tenants in common you can specify what percentage each person owns. i.e. 25% 75% split rather than straightforward 50/50.

Also bear in mind you are not your DPs next of kin. If he were seriously injured or ill for instance and decisions re life support had to be made, then his parents (are they still alive?) are his next of kin and would have the right to make those kind of decisions.

Money re bank accounts - that's why you need to make a will really. Not too expensive and teh solicitor will bring up stuff you thought you'd thought of but hadn't.

We're tenants in common with proviso dp can live here until marries/goes mad if I die.

urgh! it's so unfair why why why should we have to get married?

his parents are alive and to be honest I think they have far more right than I to say whether his life support machine be turned off or not. He is their son and well frankly I could just be anyone couldn't I?

I've just been looking into inheritance tax and as the only asset he has is the house (no savings, no bonds/shares, no car etc) that he shares with me I don't have anything much to be worried about until the value of our house reaches double the threshold which I believe is £275,000.

Oh hang on, we do have a flat (joint mortgage) that we rent out. Am guessing that the market value of both properties would come to over double the threshold for inheritance tax. Would I have to pay inheritance tax if I remained unmarried but we had wills? It's all so confusing.

I think Power of attourney or similar covers life support issues but tbh a quickie wedding would be cheaper! You wouldnt have to tell people...

I don't mind telling people, I'm not anti marriage, it's more that I feel I've missed my boat and would feel, well, silly at my age standing there with the man I've been with for 10 years who I have a child with saying that I will promise to love him forever and ever, amen. I might not! Who can tell?

equal rights for unmarrieds! equal rights for unmarrieds! equal rights for unmarrieds!

maybe I should have posted this in feminist issues

I just suggested it to get out of the 'wedding' fuss! Bet you're wishing you never mentioned it now

Yes, you would have to pay inheritance tax if you are unmarried but have wills. The only way to avoid or postpone it is to marry.

The fact that the flat is on a joint mortgage is irrelevant as far as ownership goes (well, not entirely but it's a good starting point). What matters is whose name it is in and, if both, whether you are joint tenants (you both own the whole property) or tenants in common (you each own part of the property).

As you aren't married you may find that you can't register his death. It may seem trivial at the moment but some people get very upset about this when it happens.

FWIW, I'm on my third marriage - it wasn't supposed to be this way! When I got married for the third time I was already in my 50s, we'd been in a relationship for nearly 5 years and had a 3 year old son who was one of my wife's page boys. It is her second marriage. It was the best day of my life and I think she would say the same.

not at all. I just get cross that I don't have the same rights as a married woman when I have been with dp for so long and we have a child.

also annoyed at self for being unable to get head round marrying for legal reasons, like I'm somehow just doing it for the money, which i suppose is what I am doing really otherwise I wouldn't care about inheritance tax.

bah! women eh?!

off to pick up dd from nursery now - thanks for all the replies thus far

oh sod it, should just do it then I suppose, can always get a divorce - oh but that would cost an arm and a leg too! Can't win.

but I want to be asked, I don't want to make a business propostition! btw I am 40 this year.

Hurrah to getting married in your 50s!!!

if we're going to get on a feminist soapbox, marriage originally was a way of protecting women's rights

men couldn't just up and leave their wives with nothing once married

my wedding certificate belongs to me, the registrar gave it to me at the ceremony. Because it's a proof that the contract has been drawn up, when historically women had few rights at all

otherwise the bloke could go 'wife? what wife?' and burn the contract in the fire

and as for feeling 'silly' at 40, plenty of married couples renew their vows as they get older

surely you'd be just doing the same thing, renewing the commitment you have had all along

It's not neccessarily a feminist issue as your dp would have the same problems. You need a co-habiting section!

There was a bit of a campaign on here a while ago when an MNers dh died and she found loads of stuff that would have been difficult/ impossible if they hadn't been married. Most people weren't aware of them either

I have nothing useful to add

but when I see your title I automatically think 'mawage...'

It's just a bit of paper; go down to the registry office and sign it. It will make everything so much easier.

yes maybe