Divorce and Children

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DP wants to divorce his estranged wife.

He previously put on hold the divorce petition that cited her adultery as the result at her request as she was grieving for her dad. It was agreed that they would do a no fault divorce in October.

However she is being a nightmareat mo and it is impacting heavily on both DP, myself, my DS and the stepchildren.

We want the divorce sorted and contact formalised for the kids.

We have a solictors appt and want advise before we go.

Who pays the £300 court fee? Is it Dp as he is petitioning? Is there anyway we can make her pay it?

Will she have any claim on DP pension. She returned to work part time after both children. It was her choice and financially a burden on the family. To my DPs knowledge she has made no pension arrangements for herself.

Will my DP have any claim on inhertitance she has received from her father since their seperation. May sound awful to ask but she left my DP bankrupt and walked away scot free. She had all the household furniture, car and rental deposit and is now living the life of riley and throwing everything back in my DPs face...ie see what I can buy the kids whilst you are broke.

What can wedo about contact. We want set days and christmas/birthdays agreed. We are fed up with her moods dicating access. We dont want overnight stays- the children wouldnt cope well with more change and we havent got the room at present.

Can we ask that the children see a counsellor? They are deeply affected by her angry and bitterness and she says very unkind things to them both- emotional abuse.

What is and isnt covered by legal aid. My partner is on less than £17,500 and supports myself DS and pays maintenance.

Thanks for your help guys...time we got this sorted

In a divorce each side pays their own costs. The only way you can make her pay the court fee is if you get her to petition. You DP and his ex could, of course, agree to split the costs between them.

Yes, she will have a claim on DP's pension. And DP will also have a claim on her inheritance. He and she will both have to declare all their assets as they stand today. The financial split will be based on this information. Ideally they want to agree the financial settlement between them as otherwise legal fees can rapidly eat up their assets, leaving very little for your partner and his ex.

You can ask for whatever you want on contact. As long as it is reasonable, there is a good chance you'll get it. However, that doesn't mean she will comply with any court orders, so you may face a long battle to get the orders enforced.

You need to talk to your solicitor about legal aid. In broad terms, if you are eligible it will cover all your costs. However, if she ends up having to pay your partner some money or hand over some assets you will probably have to pay back any legal aid you have received.

disclaimer: I'm not a lawyer, just someone who has read a lot.

£300 court feel: He will pay. He is starting the action so it is his.

DP pension: Yes she can, it can be valued as part of settlement.

Inheritance after sep: Scotland no, England I think yes - though not sure.

Contact: Yes you can try and get that as part of a contact/residence etc order. The financial settlement is independent of the child action.

Counsellor: As the parent, (presuming PR) he can take them to see a counsellor. I don't think you can force her to or make it actionable without real reason (not as described above)

legal aid: Typically the action can be covered, and legal aid has its own rules about how much work is covered. I don't know when you become eligible.

agree with most of what is said above. However, with regard to the adultery, if it is no longer continuing and has not been for some time, then your DP will not be able to use this fact and will need to rely on one of the other facts. I am not entirely clear on whether the adultery petition was ever issued or was going to be. If it was, it will need to be dealt with.

Also, from what you have said, it may well be that she wouldn't consent to a divorce in October anyway (assuming that is when they've been separated for 2 years). With a petition on 2 years separtion the respondent must consent to this. It doesn't matter if she agreed to years ago, she has to agree at the time proceedings are issued so you need to be clear on that.

Good luck

The last thing your partner needs is to pour oil on the fire by getting into a protracted argument about the reasons for divorce and who pays the court fee, which in the grand scale of things is peanuts. Under the solicitors' Family Law Protocol it is usual to write to the respondent in divorce proceedings giving notice of the application and the reasons cited and agreeing to share the costs.

Adultery is difficult to prove because evidence is required of sexual intercourse having taken place. Also if after the alleged adultery took place the couple continued to live together as man and wife for a period exceeding 6 months the adultery is seen as condoned and therefore cannot be the reason the marriage broke down irretrievably. It is possible to cite an "inappropriate relationship" in a UB petition. There is no point in wasting money and energy or damaging long term family relationships more than necessary arguing about the reasons for the marriage breaking down so they should be inoffensive and, if at all possible, agreed. With unreasonable behaviour or adultery. If there is no agreement to share costs there is general court rule that the unsuccessful party is ordered to pay costs, although in making a costs order the court considers the financial resources that each party has available to them so, for example someone with an income might be ordered to pay if the other party has no/little income. Energy and resources are much better reserved for sorting out the finances and arrangements for children.

All the solely and jointly held assets (including pensions) minus any liabilities form the net value of the matrimonial pot . However, in England & Wales inheritances are a grey area and if the needs of both parties are deemed to be met from the other assets an inheritance might be alloted back to the person who inherited. This is particularly true if the inheritance wasn't incorporated into family finances and/or was recent. Your partner really needs to see a family solicitor to find out where he stands and what his options are given all the particular facts.

Good contact for children relies ultimately on parents learning to work together, or at least not working against each other. Going to court and forcing matters can be very destructive and tends to make this impossible so alternative methods of resolving child related matters such as mediation is always worth a shot in the first instance. Parents are expected to try mediation before applying to court because experience shows in the long term parents are more satisfied with agreed arrangements and voluntary agreements are more likely to be adhered to than court orders.

Thanks guys

Regarding the adultery she has a nearly one year old by another man

Pension: No entirely happy that she will have a claim considering he still had £14000 of debt she incurred during the marriage which cleverly she insured was in his name- he has had to go bankrupt as simply couldnt repay anymore for another 20 years (had already been repaying for 10 years)

Inheritance- we think she will have spent some of it on the new car. How can we find out about someones will? are they easy to obtain.

We tried informal arrangements....mediation is next step. She is being difficult

Solictor seemed very nice and genuine.

We qualify for legal aid and she will be writing to ex wife asking for the divorce to be started. She will give her the option of adultery or unreasonable behaviour.

Also requesting she attends mediation so we can formalise contact arrangements!

Lets hope this makes her realise she cant use buly boy tactics anymore!