I have 3 children with ex (8, 6 and 3, dd is the 8 year old) and recently dd hasn't wanted to stay at his for weekends (every other weekend). He was emotionally and physically abusive to me (but continues to deny this even though he agreed to a divorce on basically those grounds). After an incident where he dropped the children off and then drove to see his new girlfriend, who the children don't know about yet, about 30 mins away and refused to come back to give my 3 year old his blanket that he'd forgotten to bring; she seems to have remembered a lot about before.
She keeps saying how awful it was that he wouldn't come back, as it was only half an hour (she knows this as his family live in that area and they go there now and again) and ds2 was up crying for 3 hours and woke 4 or 5 times in the night. He sleeps with the blanket every night. Anyway, she's since been refusing to spend time there with him and won't tell him why or talk to him about it.
He has been trying to emotionally blackmail her by saying how it isn't the same without her there, he misses her so much when she doesn't go etc etc, trying to make her feel guilty. I don't think this is a good thing to put on an 8 year old.
He keeps on asking me why she doesn't want to go and then saying that it's tough she has to go, but obviously I'm saying she has to decide. Then he has spoken to her on the phone and said the same things over and over, keeping on asking her why and that she has to tell him and has to see him. She is really upset and fed up of this, as am I.
She remembers the abuse, but he says she isn't remembering right always denying he did anything wrong. I'm really quite worried about it all and what is happening and will happen. He has shouted at me over it, but I put the phone down as I won't let him talk to me that way anymore.
What can I realistically do about it as ds1 is also now saying that he doesn't want to go? They are supposed to go tonight for the weekend and I'm actually worried about them.
They tell me he doesn't get up with them in the morning but tells them to go downstairs and watch tv while he stays in bed and they are hungry. They have to wait for him to get up (they told me 4 or 5 tv shows that last for half an hour) and then when he gets up gives them a tiny bowl of cereal so they are still hungry. They always come back and go straight in the fridge. I've spoken to him about this before but he always tells me they eat lots there. I've even sent food with the before and fruit etc and he told them he can't afford to buy it. He has a decent job btw and earns enough.
Sorry for the long post, there is much more but I doubt anyone would read it all straight away! I've tried to say as much as possible though. I've talked a little about my ex on MN before and the abuse but it was bascially shouting, calling me names, stupid, noone would ever want me if I left him, walking on eggshells round him, not being able to leave anything on the floor for when he got home from work or he would "start" and more plus pushing me, grabbing me, leaving me covered in bruises, throwing things, breaking a door (which they saw) and in the process of trying to get through the door to me (I was on the other side terrifed trying to keep him out) I had bruises all up and down my arms, hips, side etc. He also was very bullying, in my face and had his hands round his throat one night (that night was the last straw and I told him to leave) which he still denies.
Thanks for any help and thanks for reading so far.