New baby due, complicated family situation, next of kin?

[moochima]

Hi there - I hope someone can shed some light on a few queries I have?

My partner and I have been together for 15 years and are about to have our 2nd baby. During this time we've had a very fraught relationship with my family and for 2 years now there's been no contact.

With the birth very imminent now the idea of something happening to me has started to prey on my mind (not in a morbid way, I know it's hugely unlikely!) but I was wondering where my dp would stand in this event re. next of kin, children etc. This should, of course, be a no-brainer, but my family are very angry, manipulative people and have been maliciously litigious on numerous occasions so, melodramatic as it might sound, it's a very real concern (i.e. has been done before) that they'd use any unpleasant circumstances to demonstrate control. Are my parents or siblings my 'next of kin' and what rights to they have over my children, property etc??

Any advice/knowledge would be gratefully received....

If your partner has parental rights and your will states that he is to have custody of the kids... and your partner can prove that he has a good / established role as fathe / carer (which by the sounds of it, he does) then he will get custody.

You can write into your will that people within your family should not be given access and given the reasons why.

Do your parents ackowledge the kids? (I mean, do they send cards / pressies even though they aren't able to see the kids) I think they might have some rights to access if they have tried to maintain a relationship with the kids and they can prove they have tried to maintain a presence in the childrens lives.

Your parents are your next of kin.

If you don't have a will then they will also be the beneficiaries of your estate in the event of your death, although not sure how it works if you have dependents and you die intestate. But whatever happened it would be a hugely messy process to resolve.

Your dp would have parental responsibility for your children provided they were born after December 2003, so afaik your family wouldn't have rights over your children.

A will is paramount though IMO.

TBH the best way to resolve this would be t marry your dp asap. Is this something you would consider?

To correct a couple of points...

WannaBe is wrong about your estate. Your children will be the beneficiaries of your estate if you die without making a will. Your parents and family won't get a penny. There is absolutely no way they can contest that. Your dp also won't get a penny.

Whether or not your dp has parental responsibility depends on the ages of your children and whether or not he is named on theif birth certificates. If they were born after 1st December 2003 and he is named on their birth certificates he will have PR. You can, if necessary, change the birth certificates so that they name him. If they were born before that date you can still give him PR through a Parental Responsibility Agreement or by marrying him (although you still need to get his name on the birth certificates if you marry him).

IF he has PR he will get the children and it will be very difficult for your family to do anything about it. That won't necessarily stop them from trying but they are unlikely to succeed. Even without PR he would be in a very strong position.

I would recommend that you make a will and ensure your dp has PR. You should seriously think about marrying him.

Thank you all so much for your info on this. We have now got wills and PR documentation on their way to us so hopefully that will all be sorted in the next couple of days (then baby can be born :-)).

The marriage issue is definitely one which we will do once baby is born. We've been putting it off for years until the 'right' moment (i.e. when family harmony has been attained, when we've enough money to do it decently etc.) but I think it's time to forgo the 'romance' and just do it - should we have been able to arrange and do it in the last week then we would have.

Thanks again for the advice. V sad that it should be necessary but so much appreciated.
x

I just want to post that if something were to happen your DP wouldn't be able to register your death or make any decisions regarding your treatment. My granddad's girlfriend was heartbroken that she was blocked out by the law even though we involved her in the decisions we made. I wouldn't want anyone else to have to go through this.