custody battle information please

[malecarer]

Now first of all this seems rather strange me posting on a site entitled mumsnet talk because well to be honest im a father but I have searched the internet for some assistance with my concerns and every time all i seem to be returned is this site.

So on that note i will first of all apologise if this post is in the wrong area.

The reason for me posting today is because Im currently in a custody battle with my sons mother over custody, the reasons behind my concerns are her drug use, her domestic violent relationshp and further more the lack of attention and support towards my sons schooling.

Now i have not come on here to slag my ex partner off because under no circumstance do i think she is a bad mum however at this stage in her like i beleve she is making the wrong decisions based on my sons welfare.

a month or two ago my former partner was violently attacked by her new partner who left her bruised to the face, also placed a knife to her throat and even threated to do terrible things to my son which involved burning him.

she left him and came to stay withh myself for a week but eventually went back to him, after he cried on the phone, this person stops her from having a life, he takes her money , bank card, mobile phone, she is not allowed to go anywhere without him, he torments her daily and puts her down to the point now where i feel that is she leave him she wont get anyone else.

My former partner is a very attractive young woman who could find a better suited partner anywhere. my concerns are for my son and this is the reason for this post.

Now i dont want to write an essay however after i reported all of this to social services they went along to her address and denied that the incident every happened she told them the only reason i am doing this is because my son called her new bloke dad which is just obsured my son is 4 years and he knows im his dad.

I happen to know she has taken cocaine in the past and most recently last week when she went out for the night with him and a friend. On tuesday we are attending courts to meet with a cafcass officer on the last court appearance the judge basically told me not to pursue this until i have read the report from the social services however this informaton was all lies she lied about everything including informaton which stated she never had a father when she was brough up which she did.

She is doing everything to protect her new bloke but this guy has a hstory of violence and in te past was accused of kidnapping his former partner however the charges were later dropped.

I need some advice on what to say to the cafcass officer on tuesday what will be involved in the meeting. I have proof about the violent attack and also proof that my former partner is not capable of looking after my son where do you think i stand.

you can just tell CAFCASS officer your concerns for your child - however if you have no evidence and it is all hearsay - and your ex denies there is an issue then it will be very difficult.

did you take pics of the bruises or did she go to A&E or GP?

what about school and teachers - have they epxressed any concern/noted any behaviour?

focus on you and your concerns about your son. focus on hard evidence school reports teacher meetings etc.

if you have no evidence for anything else then it is irrelevant. (she may simply say you are lying/may state that you assualted her etc etc. )

ps it isnt custody --it is "residence" and "contact" ....

and if you see it as a battle then it will be.

i dont see it as a "battle" is about the children - -my exP does see it as a fight - and therein lie all the issues!

Sadly the family courts are very used to lies and accusations of lying. There is a lawyers' cliche that everyone lies in family cases and although this might be an exaggeration, the emotions are such that people often have difficulties when it comes to distinguishing facts and evidence.

What proof do you have? Evidence from friends, family, police etc about incidents may be used to raise welfare concerns and instigate an investigation. If CAFCASS do a welfare report it is standard to carry out a criminal records check and invite schools or health visitors to comment. Unless there is independent evidence (eg medical, social services, school reports) that a child is not surviving satisfactorily, the parent with the majority of care's parenting is not "good enough," the child is at risk of harm or affected by DV it is an uphill struggle changing the status quo.

social services were not interested because she told them the incident never happend however social services never contacted her parents to confirm my allegations, her mother is backing me 100% she saw the state of her daughter, i have messages from her stating what he did. I want cafcass to do a background check also i want them to do a drugs test because i know this will come back positive for illegal substances.

my son is not currently in school because his mum cannot be bothered taking him for 2 and a half hours a day she she keeps him at home. as i have said social services were not interested however this is because she lied about what happend i know excatly what im gonna say on tuesday im goning to ask her to admit what happened on the night in questions agree to get help from social services and ask him to attend some kind of anger managment course this way i know that people are looking out for them and my son is safe if she agrees to this then I will instruct my solicitor i dont want to take the matter any further. its not her im bothered about its my son and everyone seems to keep telling me i have no proof therefore it seems pointless me trying to continue if the law things my son is better off with a pair of drug users who constantly row and fight then so be it, as long as i know social services are involved then ill be happy. ill still get to see my son nothing is going to change that as it stands now ive done nothng wrong to either of them and i get 2 days out of 14 the law just aint right.

my solicitor has seen all the proof i have and she was disgusted so ill speak to her and see what she says.

and just to point out i have no reason to lie everything i have told the solicitor is the truth although i dont have hard evidence i reported this as soon as i knew about it she never pressed charges because she never went to the police i did, i do have a photo clearer showing the cut that was caused when he placed the knife to her throat.

as well as 9 witnesses to the inuryes including her mum who as i said is fully with me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply you were lying. The problem for courts is that very often both parents have two different "truths." It's rather like two people going to watch the same film and listening to them arguing about their different interpretations afterwards.

What I was trying to say was that the focus needs to be on your son ie evidence of the effects the DV and drug taking has on your son or the risk of harm rather than the attack.

my experience is that you may need to be patient - it is much harder for fathers to be seen as the reasonable one in a residence conflict and it;s likely that you will need to collect hard evidence [keep a diary, texts, messages, etc etc] over a period of time before you are taken seriously.
I know that doesn't help your son in the short term but it was advice my brother was given by his solicitor and after some time it paid off and he now has residence of his 3 children.
hope that helps

STIDW my comments were just to let people know i wasnt lying and did not in anyway take an insult from your comments there more than appreciated.

So just an update went to court on 18th May the judge had obvisouly read my case file along with messages, pictures etc etc, and I gae my former partner to admit the domestic violence if she did and agreed to get help from somone then i would stop the residence order and stick with access however she refused.

at this time the judge turned to her and asked if she knows of anything that cud effect the case of wether or not things would show on her new partners police report she said no, the judge said "if we get the report back and we find out you was lying, we will not believe you further down the line and there is a good chance you could lose residence of your son" she then gave her one more chance to admit the violence but once again she denied it.

A polce report has now been requested on her new partner, which should come back with some shocking allegations from his previsou partner all of whcih my former partner is aware off meaning that the judge will then know she is lying.

In the court room my former partner turned round to me and said sorry she wanted to continue this feud because she honestly believes that nothing took place i really dont know whats goin on in her head she lied to the judge and the truth will come out through statments images, text and screenshots from facebook.

A new date will be set in due course once the police report has been receved.

So my new question what do police reports contains.

police report will have record of any cautions/warnings/arrests etc.