Dad trying to get residence

[BanquoGhost]

Hi

I'm writing about my brother who is trying to get a residence order for his 3 yo son. Bro left his relationship due to a physically, emotional and verbal abusive partner. He has taken his son to safety whilst all the legals get sorted out. Brother has been the full-time main carer as his ex went back to work in a shift job which also meant brother had to drive her (and his son) here, there and everywhere at ridiculous hours. The ex has lost custody of another son by previous relationship due to being violent towards the kid. The guy that got custody was an ex-junkie, amputee, HIV+ etc which says alot about the mother.

The mother is fighting for full residency and my brother is seriously worried for his wee boy's future as he wont have much of a future with his mother.

Brother is now talking about changing his lawyer as he feels she isnt very interested and advises that the mother has a 'strong' case??? Is this advisable.

Whilst this is a mums board (I dont have children), if the mother has displayed violence - should she have residency rights or is the general welfare and upbringing of the child more important. My brother was away for a week - all she did with the child was take him to the supermarket and watch television. Whereas my brother takes him to playgroup, mother and toddler, swimming, parks, sunday school - he has a far better chance of a decent life with my brother.

I have written a letter of support for my brother as I offered sanctuary in my flat for a few weeks until he was re-housed. His ex, I am convinced, has mental health problems but undiagnosed due to the constant bombardment of texts, phone calls (we are talking up to 200 a day) but the solicitor says that she has never been violent to her son (yet! She's been violent to the other one)

I'm not sure what I am posting for, advice, encouragement etc I would be interested to hear from mums if the safety of the child is paramount or should all mums deserve to keep their children even if they know they are violent. For the record, the Police and Domestic Violence unit have all been to assist my brother (black eyes etc) from his partner. Also, we live in Scotland.

Thanks for reading.

BG

No advice but that being an amputee (and to a lesser extent HIV+) would seem to you to be on the same level as a violent junkie...

that being an amputee (and to a lesser extent HIV+) would seem to you to be on the same level as a violent junkie...

Not at all, I am just stating the facts. It appears that the law favours the mother, I am merely showing that it often does not.

For the record, my brother has a disability. I have the same disability. I am trying to establish if the court will prefer that his son is better in a calm, stable environment or one who tends to use violence as a means of getting her own way.

What should happen is that the court considers whethr to order a fact finding hearing about the various allegations of violence etc BEFORE residence is decided.

I'd say your brother has a decent chance of getting residence but what may go against him is the fact that he "removed the child to safety" as you put it but as the court may see it, abducted him.

Obviously I don't have all the facts but would suggest that your brother asks his solicitor to get counsel's opinion at an early stage.

Resolution is no good in Scotland and Families Need Fathers is fairly limited here. Try the Family Law Association database or the publisher Chambers independent guide to solicitors. Both are available online.

The biggest obstacle to fathers becoming the parent with the majority of care after separation/divorce is the absence of fathers being the parent with the majority of care before separation/divorce. Because 90% of men with dependent children work in full time inflexible jobs whereas the majority of women with dependent take career gaps, don't work or work part time to accommodate children the established primary bond is often with mothers, but not always.

There is no legal presumption in favour of mothers. Mothers often become the parent with the majority of care because it is generally accepted by professionals involved with children that a child's sense of security and established bonds shouldn't be disrupted unless the circumstances are exceptional. There is no competition for the better parent, "good enough" parenting and children "surviving satisfactorily" is sufficient.

It is the effects of DV on children which is important. Without evidence in the form of police, social work, school, medical reports allegations that children are at risk of harm is difficult to substantiate. Evidence from friends and family doesn't carry a lot of weight, although it may be used to argue for further investigation.

In Scotland there is a presumption that when a child lives with one parent they have a right too know and see the other parent in all but the most exceptional circumstances. Research indicates that children who are insecure about their parentage tend to have low self esteem which leads to emotional and behavioural problems, teenage preganancy, dysfunctional adult relationships etc etc

Hi everyone

Just back in after the holiday weekend. Thanks for all your comments. I have passed them onto my brother which I hope he takes on board. He has been in touch with Families Need Fathers and is planning on going to their next meeting. He is scouting for a new solicitor, maybe FNF will point him in the right direction of a good one.

There was an article in this Sunday's Scotland on Sunday supplement about male domestic violence and it is rather shocking to read about those men who have been beaten up by their partners. There's no prizes for guessing that it's the men that get marched down to the police station and loses contact with their children as a result of the mother's violence (some were in professional jobs such as teaching). It really does shock me and in a way it's preparing me for the fact I may not see my nephew again which breaks my heart as his mother is the most devious, manipulative person you can imagine.

At the moment, my brother is in temporary accommodation by the council. It's not great, but he's trying his hardest to make it a home. He doesnt get income support just now as the child benefit is in the mother's name and she's not paying him anything but she wants him to pay the bills. Until the whole sorry mess is sorted out, he hardly has a penny to his name. The partner is refusing to sell the house or buy out his share. It will be a long battle.

Many thanks for your advice and comments I'll post back and let you know how he gets on.

BG

Your brother needs to get proper legal advice. Not sure if he is working but if he is he will have to pay legal fees which are expensive. He can make his own application for a residence order and there is plenty of free advice out there. Our plain english UK based website has lots of free advice which could be a starting point for him.

If he is seeking residence he would have to be able to show that the child is suffering some level of emotional or physical harm in the care of the mother. He would have to show he has the capacity to provide a stable home life. He needs to sort out his accommodation asap.

diyfamilylaw

for the financial side of things I'd suggest your DB uses entiteld to or something similar to check out what he can claim now he is effectively a single parent. The situation is bad enough without being totally skint too...