Representing myself in court with no experience, am I mad?

[passmyglassplease]

My ex has been threatening to take me to court to obtain further access to the dcs, as far as myself and my Solicitor can see he has no case but is trying bulling tatics.

I have now used up all my cash reserves in fighting his threats and now find myself in a position of being unable to unable to further pay my solicitor.

Am I mad for even thinking I can represent myself should we go to court?

or is it actually possible to do it with a mckenzie friend?

All advice is greatly appreciated.

TIA

Hi Tia

Yes you can do it yourself and take a McKenzie friend if you wish. Many people do. Please note that what a MF can do is limited. Try and take ad hoc advice to prepare you for the important bits.

Best regards

Sassa

You will be fine (assuming its straight forwards). I did it myself. We turned up to court, he had his family and solicitor, I had just me! He was gobsmacked and looked a little uneasy. I went in there and kicked his ass, the judge belittled him and was behind me 110% as it was obvious I had our daughters best interests at heart (which must stay paramount).
Remember not to bring up petty things, you must stay squeaky clean and not to look like you are spiteful.
Good luck!
(btw it will cost thousands for him to take you to court-and you not a penny, let him do it )

monkeyfacegrace..good on you! good luck tia, it sounds like it can be done sorry no experience but good luck & but your homework

thanks guys, I am planning to do as much research as possible.

just hearing that you were successful monkeyfacegrace gives me confidence.

I have been keeping a diary of events for the last year, will I be able to use this in court to back my case?

I am representing myself against a very bonkers ex and it is terrifying, mainly because he is a violent nutter who will stop at nothing and say anything to get his own way. I have been doing ut for 3 years and have been i think, basically sucessful, he just likes a court room drama and he has made it a slow process by no shows and cafcass not being available.

It is completely possible for you to representyourself, keep good notes and your court bundle in good order and try to take some advice at the tricky points. Simply if you do not have the money it has to be donethis way and honestly it can be done really sucessfully.

From the couple of posts here, I wonder if Judges are possibly slightly biased towards parents who are representing themselves?

I only say this as I was helping XP in a contact case with his malicious ex and he had to represent himself a couple of times in court. The Judge (and the panel once) definitely went in his favour and even went as far as to praise him for attending alone

Just be open and honest about everything. They do not expect you know legal jargon etc and account for that. They will listen to you as a parent and his solicitor/barrister as just that. Someone who knows how to talk a court. You will be seen as the one there for the good of your DC as you are sticking it out even without representation.

I wish you good luck passmyglass.

(I hope that made sense, glass of wine syndrome here)

Hi guys, I'm back with more questions

I have received a letter from the other side informing me that if I don't agree to the shared custody by such and such a date, that they will be applying for a "Defined Contact Order."

My question is what is this exactly?

In my reply to them, do I keep it short and sweet ie bare minimum or do I lay out my intentions to contest the order and my reasonings as to why?

He is actually taking me to court on money that he stole from me! so should I let them know this?

A "Defined Contact Order" is what is normally referred to as a contact order, in other words it lays down the arrangements for your children to have contact with your ex.

I'm assuming you won't agree to shared custody so all you need to do at this stage is tell them that. You can also tell them that you will contest the contact order. You don't need to give them your reasoning why - that is for the court, not his solicitors. It might be worth making it clear that you don't want to stop contact, just stick with the current arrangements.

His solicitors won't take any action on the basis of a letter from you telling them that he is using money he stole from you, so there is no point in telling them. How did he steal this money? Are you taking any action to recover it?

Thanks for the info prh47, we both had PEP's or investments in each of our names, I cashed mine in (35,000) to pay for the mortgage on a joint property with the understanding that the other investment (20,000)was to be used for the same purpose!

When asked why he had cashed the investment in he replied it was to pay for Solicitors, there is no way that he has reached £5,000 on fees, so has pocketed the rest!

Where so I stand on this theft I would be very interested to know, especially as the consequence is that I may be liable for a bad debt, as we will no longer be able to pay for the mortgage!

God it sounds so bad, the whole thing is keeping me awake at night, wondering if me and the kids will be homeless. It may even be a ploy to make me homeless in order that he gets custody, gosh I loath him.

I'd be careful with referring to this as theft but I can see why you are unhappy.

I am unclear as to the nature of your relationship with your ex. If you were married and in the process of getting divorced, he must declare all his assets and liabilities as part of the process of arriving at a financial settlement. If that doesn't reveal what happened to the £20,000 you can certainly ask some questions. If you are already divorced and the financial settlement is final but he didn't declare this money you may be able to get the courts to alter the settlement on the grounds that he concealed some assets, provided you can prove this.

If you were not married the position is more difficult. If this was a verbal agreement made while you were still in a relationship it may be impossible to prove the existence of any such agreement. However, if the mortgage is in joint names he is still legally liable for it and any repossession will go on his credit record. If you haven't yet agreed how the joint property is to be split between you, this is something that needs to be resolved.

We were married for 11 years and are in the process of divorcing, everything has always been in joint names or the intention has always been there, so him cashing the PEP is bang out of order.

We are going through the financials at the moment, he now pays me the CSA minimum even tho he is a high earner, this has left me struggling financially, so if we no longer have any cash to pay the joint mortgage is he liable for the first £20,000? I think not, I dont see how I can get this money back as it is all the real cash we have!

I am no longer using my solicitor as I can not afford the bills so am relying on gathering info from friends, the internet and of course mumsnet

I'm not saying what he did with the PEP is right, just that you would have difficulty justifying it as theft.

The "CSA minimum" is 15% of his salary after tax, NI and pension contributions if you have one child rising to 25% for three or more children. I hope he is paying that. If he isn't you should tell him that you will be referring child maintenance to the CSA unless he starts paying the full amount.

If you default on the mortgage you are both liable for the full amount. It will go on his credit record as well as yours, making it hard for him to get credit in future. If repossessing the house doesn't raise enough money to pay the mortgage there is a good change the lender would go after him for the balance as he has higher earnings. The fact that he doesn't live there any more is irrelevant. As long as his name is on the mortgage he is jointly liable for it.

You should be demanding a full statement of all his assets. If he has just frittered away the £20k on wine, women and song I'm afraid there is nothing you can do about it. However, if it is sat in a bank account somewhere or he has bought something with it such as a new car, he must declare that. It then forms part of the financial settlement.

tr wikivorce.com....good contact forums and divorce advise there!

what are current contact arrangements?

current arrangements are every other weekend and he is free to contact them as and when he wants, as well as see them in the week, which he doesn't ever.

must get hold of his current bank statements which he should have provided by now!

mumsnet is fab, am trying to get an appointment at CAB as well. thanks all

Hi PMGP. I am so sorry to hear of your grimness. It is so bizarre how normal life can go tits up and we are left picking up the crazy pieces. I too was done over so far as the finances go but do you know I was just pleased to get away with my sanity and a roof over our heads (plus big mortgage!). I have been left thrashing around trying to raise funds for the kids private education... something that he put in place before he left. It is a mess but he has walked away (and soon to emigrate). We are currently going thru court whilst he tries to secure a highly unreasonable contact order for access to the kids. I have agreed that they holiday in Aus but there are welfare issues to sort that he just wont deal with. He just thinks the kids should do what they are told and their feelings shouldn't be considered. There, rant over.

Sending you a virtual extra large glass of something cool. Really good luck with everything and just stay calm, factual and polite.... if you can.
xx

ooh no a mate of mine did it when she sussed she knew more than some crap lawyer.
scared her ex p to death

So if he sees them every other weekend and doesn't see them during the week, what on earth can he be asking for? Courts will never go for every weekend.

Sols and judges have a duty to make sure that anyone self-repping understands everything that is happening so don't be afraid to politely ask questions. You might get free legal advice from the sol he is paying!

But no, I wouldn't bring up the money issue in family court - it's meant to be about the children and it would make it easier for him to suggest you are limiting contact because you're angry about the money.

maybe he's asking for shared residency just to ensure he pays minimum maintenence?

has no intention to up his contact level

Shared residency won't affect the CSA calculations unless the children are actually spending one or more nights a week with him on average.

He changed jobs over xmas and as yet still hadn't presented his payslips for the Form E1!

I am going to go through to the CSA as soon as I know what he is earning and have done the calcs myself.

I had believed that he he had wanted shared residency so that he could spend more time with the dcs, which is why he moved 1 road away from us!!!! However I now believe that he wants the residency just so that he doesn't have to pay any maintenance, as he hasn't offered to see the dcs outside of his times, it has been me that has suggested it on a couple of occasions and I often suggest to the dcs that they may see daddy if they want to , he has made no effort what so ever.

I really hope this will be good ammo for the court case, as I have never denied him access, he just chooses not to see them as he is too busy entertaining his new "family."

I would be happy if he emigrated to Aus, and leaves me with nothing, my only concern is the massive mortgage we are jointly liable for!

I am so much happier without him than I was with him

As I've already said, shared residency won't affect maintenance unless the children spend more nights at his home.

Why wait till you know what he is earning before referring it to the CSA? They won't backdate your claim - they will only collect maintenance from the time you start the case. And they won't take your word for how much he is earning even if you have evidence. If you intend to bring in the CSA, do it now.

His behaviour is irrelevant when determining the financial split.

To get shared residence he will have to show that it is in your children's interests. However he is unlikely to get it if he wants to continue with contact at the current level.

thanks for the advice prh47bridge, I have just made an online application to the CSA.

Am sad that it has had to come to this, I lived with this man for 14 years and I thought I knew him, I never thought he would have treated me like this

But I realised after he took the money that it is every man for himself.

I really appreciate everyone taking time out to advice and support me, it does mean a lot to me. Thanks