I dont want bio father involved - court case coming up

[Karennosleep]

I went out witht his guy for 5 months, he told me he couldnt have children because of his medication he takes for his epilepsy. Lo and behold I became pregnant, I decided to keep the baby and split with the father N, because to be honest the guy is a complete loser and conman. He has conned people out of thousands of pounds, bunked his rent and he has regular epileptic fits. I didnt want him in my life and I certainly dont want him in my sons life, due to him being inconsistent, irresponsible, a conman and a liar. I never put him on the birth cert. For the 1st 6 months of my sons life, it was hell, he would see my son every now and again, he only paid me £130 in 6 months for maintanance. I tried to be amicable, but N just wanted to take my son over night even though I was BF and have him all weekend, he would expect me to drive 4 hr round trip with my son (N cant drive cos Epilepsy) and the 2 occasions I went to go meet him, he would constantly call, text whilst I was driving asking where I was, when would I arrive. During the week he would badger me with texts and phone calls, always arguing with me saying I was being difficult and unreasonable. All I ever wanted off N was £30 per week and to see his son once a week. This wasnt alot to ask, but he could never accept it being on what he'd call my terms, even though it is best interest for my son. Eventaully it all got too much I drove to London to meet N on the way there I had numerous missed calls and texts again asking where I was, leaving angry msg's I met wit him 20 mins late. He started shouting at me in front of my son. So i decided it would be a good idea to get a solicitor invovled. A letter was sent out to N, he never replied, the phone calls and texts stopped, no visits, not a word for 3 months. Then N started calling again, texting, I didnt answer and I changed my number. I sent another solicitors letter saying as he is inconsistent, he should apply for a court order to see his son. Again I heard nothing until another 3 months later. This time it was to appear in court. My solicitor sent him a letter saying about seeing my son at a contact centre and about transferring to a court near where I live. both of these he did not agree to. I was due in court and at the last minute N decided that he did agree to transfer the court to where I lived, even though he hasnt agreed to a local contact centre. so Im just waiting on a court date. As far as im concenrened i never stopped him seeing his son, that what his choice. I do not want this guy to be in my or my sons life. I dont want any money off of him. N has caused nothing but emotional upset in all of our lives.( i live with my mum) He is most unreasonable, he will never listen, he cant look after himself, he flits from job to job, house to house, he lives on his own, he has no family around him, I will not leave my son with him on his own and myself and son havent even seen him for almost a year now. so he has no idea who N is. Is it too late to say he is not the father? he is not on the BC and I have taken no money from him. Do I have to go through with this court?, could I just not go? I cant even get legal aid so I have no representation and afterall im my sons main carer, with N involved its always going to be conflict, he just wants to argue and fight with me, he will never agree to anything, even if it is my sons best interest, he didnt even want me to take my son on holiday last year. When my son is old enough to undersatnd I will tell him the truth but for now, he doesnt know who his father is. I have so much support from my family, my son is cared for and loved and everything is hunky dory. I just dont want the conflict to start again and I know it will if N is involved... any help would be greatly appreciated

The family court will start from the principle that it is the child's right to know and have contact with both parents, unless this would be harmful for the child.

Your OP makes it clear that you no longer have any time for your ex and see him as a loser and an inconvenience, but these arent valid reasons to deny your son a relationship with his father. Do you have any concerns about him (ex) in relation to him having contact with your son?

Speak to your solicitor and get some advice, but dont just not go to court - this wont just go away, and if the court think you are being obstructive, it wont reflect well on you.

Your behaviour to date has acknowledged that he is the father. Changing your story now would not go down well. Even if you could come up with a valid reason for the change, the court could order a DNA test. When that shows he is the father, it will be clear to the court that your evidence cannot be trusted.

If you don't turn up for the hearing the court may make an order in your absence. It is unlikely to be an order you will be happy with.

As Unavailable says, none of the reasons you have advanced would stop the court from making a contact order. Their starting point will be that your son has a right to contact with his father. Contact is viewed as being independent of maintenance, so complaining that he isn't making any financial contribution won't get you anywhere.

Ignoring an order made by the court is also not a good idea. The courts have a number of ways of making you comply with a contact order, including giving residence to your ex.

Speak to your solicitor.

Unavailable and prh 47 are absolutely right.

Although the court would usually order contact at your local contact centre, not his.

I think you should give him a chance. If he fails to turn up at the CC then you can apply for a variation after a while, for contact to be suspended on the basis that any further applns by him have to be considered by the court first, ie he has to apply for leave to apply.

Sorry for garbled post, hope uyou got the drift

Op. How far away does he live?

You really need to give it a go. Chances are he'll mess up anyway ( my ex did this, I knew he would). But be reasonable and calm. There's likely going to be a few trips to court, and you both need to attend. Push for contact centre to begin with.

He doesn't sound committed..... But just go with it, it's the right thing to do.

Hi thanks for the replies. one more thing N wants PR. Would I be ok asking the judgde that until N proves his reponsibility and his commitment, that PR not be given until he has proven himself. N lives in SE London I live in Essex, about a 2 hr train journey. UNAVAILBLE... My main concern is N and his epilepsy, when I knew him he had 3 fits in a space of 5 months. I dont think he is fit enough to look after a baby, plus he lives on his own.

Oh, didn't realise your son is still a baby. Wasn't clear from the OP. In that case court will almost certainly start contact off at the contact centre, then review after 6 months or so.

Yes sorry he is 15 months old...N didnt agree with the contact centre near me as he said that cos the place is run by volunteers he didnt think this was good enough (idioit!!) I,ve been trying to edit the post but you cant can you?

No, you can't edit

pr is just a formality, if he pushes for it, he'll get it. You can't place any restrictions on when he gets it

would he prefer to pay for a contact centre then, as he feels yours isn't good enough?? There are private ones

Really, do you think he'd do the travel?

I think thats what he is saying but he wants me to travel with the baby up to London... surely if you want to see your child that much you would travel to wherever he is? I dont like the idea of him having PR as I said he is a very difficult person and I think he would go against what I say just out of spite and cos he isnt the one in control!!

it doesnt matter about your thoughts re pr.....its your childs right. not alot you can do about it....childrens act supports the childs rights.

so he'll get pr....

as for travel,then you need to offer halfway,take turns etc....

you'll prob get a meeting with cafcass before going in to the judge....they will try and find a compromise that you're both happy with. try and think about what you'll accept....but please,dont go into court with the excuses you've given here regarding pr.

Having epilepsy doesn't make you an unsafe parent. Of course there are risks but people manage them.

Sounds hard but you have to try to remain impartial for your DS and give Ex enough rope to hopefully hang himself.

As others have said, you don't have a valid reason for refusing contact altogether. Take legal advice, document everything, make reasonable offers and then if he doesn't comply with arrangements he will be the one who looks unreasonable. I think you might be able to ask for a medical assessment if (as you imply) he is reckless with his own health to the point of putting his child at risk ie not taking his epilepsy medication, but having epilepsy does not in itself make someone an unfit parent and you would be on very dodgy ground (disability discrimination) trying to claim that it does.
If this man is pushing for contact purely in order to harass you, he will get bored/run out of money and go away fairly quickly and the courts will see through his behaviour and not just grant him what he wants because he asks for it. On the other hand, just because you don't like him doesn't mean that you have a right to deprive your DS of a relationship with his dad.

how are things op??