Myself and son being harrassed but police wont do anything!!

[mrsdaz]

I split with my ex 2 1/2 years ago and got married and have another child. My son was 3 when we got together and 7 when we split. As soon as i met my now husband he got nasty with me and started turning up and constantly calling giving me abuse, i even got him arrested once for it.

I have since moved area, changed my number, car etc so he can not have any contact with me but he has found me and has been sending letters to me and on saturday my son got a birthday card (its not his birthday) with £5 in it and his phone number asking him to call him. My son is only 9 and i feel this is harrassment and out of order for someone to contact a child!

The police wont do anything as they say it is not threatening and not illegal. I would like to see how they feel if some weirdo was writing to their kids!

Dont know where to turn or what to do now, it is continual and although it isnt threatening he has mentioned in the letters specific details of my sons school...which he would not know unless he had been here watching us! Anyone know what i can do? I cant really afford solicitor fees but know i am going to have to go and see someone.

yes go see a solicitor. get their advice and costs.

Do you feel he poses an actual threat? Is he dangerous or likely to be violent?

If not I would just ignore it and hopefully if he gets no response he will get bored and stop/find someone else to harass...

or, as custy says, go and see a solicitor! Or CAB?

Its a very long story but yes i believe he will turn up and if he sees my son out playing he will abuse him mentally. My son is afraid of him. His last letter said he still loved me etc and would wait for my marriage to mess up so he could get me back! He is twisted! He also wrote a letter to my husband asking him to meet up with him so they could be friends!

I think im going to have to move again!

he's not really a random weirdo, he's someone who you put into your child's life for 4 years, from age 3 to age 7, then just as swiftly completely removed.

I think that unless he was an abusive man to you and your son, you've been incredibly selfish just to cut him out of your child's life in this manner.

I understand his behavior since the split has been less than ideal, but did you even consider allowing him acccess to the child he essentially fathered for 4 years?

Hang on, is this "weirdo" your son's father?

He was manipulative and mentally abusive during our relationship to me. He didnt really have any time for my son, he has no children and doesnt want any. My son was always an inconvenience that got in the way of us going out or doing certain things. However once we split up he suddenly wanted to see my son at weekends which i allowed for 6 months until my son starting wetting the bed and telling me my ex had made him say he hated me every night before he went to sleep and various other mental things that i wont go into. Silly things like when he was meant to drop him home he wouldnt and when i went round to collect him he would tell my son to go to the window and tell me to "piss off".

He is not his father.

I appreciate it would be hard for any man who has brought up someone elses child but this was not the case. I stopped contact as he was using him as a tool to get to me.

I think this sounds like stalking - get a restraining order against him.

Find a solicitor who gives a free half hour's advice. It's possible this could fall under the anti-stalking legislation. More stuff here.

If he's not the child's father and he's abusive then I agree you need to get a restraining order.

I would go back to the police. What he is doing does sound like harassment to me (Section 2 of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997). You have clearly told him you want nothing to do with him and he is persisting. He does not need to be threatening to be guilty of harassment.

I would expect that the police would pay him a visit and make a record of the fact that they have advised him that his conduct amounts to harassment and he understands that he could be arrested if he continues. Not all forces do this, but most do.

If you are getting no help then I would ask to speak to the duty inspector. From the information you have provided here, it is not acceptable that they are not prepared to help you.

Go back to the polce and say you want to make a statement. Take a written log of all the contact, and copies of the letters. As nigglewiggle says it could be harassment. The police should see him, and fire a warning shot, and note they've done it. If the contact then continues then it's easier to prove harassment. If you don't have any joy, then as suggested above see the duty Inspector.
Keep a log of all contact and copies of all letters-you may need them.
If you don't feel satisfied with the police response I would suggest a family solicitor, who could write a first letter to him for you, emphasise

...that the contact is unwanted and any further contact will be viewed as harassment, reported to the police, and result in an application to the civil courts for a non-molestation order. They should be able to say that any questions about contact should be directed through them. However, unless you are entitled to legal aid this could be expensive, so the best way is to get the police to act. Sometimes it assists to ask if you can be referred to a domestic abuse officer-there is a history here of verbal abuse and there should be logs. It would come under the domestic violence/abuse policy. It may be that a specialist officer will have another take on the situation, more experience and will be more proactive.

Speak to your MP. Look them up on the internet (the house of commons website will tell you who your MP is and give contact details). I did this when we were being harassed and having our property destroyed by a looney who knew the previous owners of our house. For ages the police refused to do anything, treating each incident in isolation and telling us we were making a fuss about nothing. She was great - got straight on to the chief constable and action was taken very quickly!

They often have walk in surgeries where you can come in without an appointment and discuss the problem with them. Look on your MP's website for details.