Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Flip

Original poster

Advice needed re making plans for dc if anything happens to me.

12 replies

RaceyLacey · 16/03/2010 16:16

Hi, I'm posting this in lone parents & in legal section for a bit of advice.

I have an appointment on Friday with a solicitor to discuss this matter, but my past experiences with legal aid solicitors have been worse than useless so I'm not holding out much hope of any decent advice/action.

Basically I got to thinking the other day about what would happen with my children if I died. I don't want them going to xp, not just because I do't like him, but because I think he is a seriously unfit 'parent'. I am trying many different routes atm to get access changed as I'm not happy about them being at his, but I want to get something in place to stop them going to him if I were to die.

Would a will suffice? I am worried that just because it says they don't go to him in a will it won't necessarily be acted upon & am worried that it would be too easy for him to contest it.

Would I need to get some sort of court order to stop them going to him? Would I need to make dp & my parents legal guardians of dc? If I was to apply for them all to become legal guardians, could xp fight it?

Does anyone have anything like this in place? Has anyone looked into anything like this? Has anyone who is a solicitor dealt with anything like this?

Many thanks

OP posts:

scully777 · 16/03/2010 19:06

Hi! I have similar fears about my son going to my ex. I remarried and I would love my husband to adopt him, but unfortunately the child will have to go to his biological parent, nothing can change it, not even a will, unless your ex is a drug addict, etc, and his parental rights were taken away from him.

Original poster

RaceyLacey · 16/03/2010 20:03

Hi Scully, it's shit isn't it. Unfortunately my ex is a drug addict. However as it's cannabis not heroin or crack no-one seems that bothered. SS in particular.

OP posts:

scully777 · 17/03/2010 09:33

I know exactly what you are talking about. My ex met an awful girl, much younger than him, stopped working and they are drinking and smoking drugs all day, on a run down estate. My poor DC has to go and stay with them once every few months, thankfully his dad is not too interested in him. I got married to a wonderful man, we live in a nice neighbourhood and I dread the idea of my DC being separated from his brother and step-dad and going to that sh*t hole. Unfortunately not much can be done about it

Sherbert37 · 17/03/2010 09:49

Strangely I am in the opposite situation to you all - I am glad DH and I are now separated as now I have someone to put down as the DCs carer in the event of me dying. I literally had no one before (no brothers or sisters or good friends to call on). It used to really worry me. Hope you get something sorted out.

NicknameTaken · 17/03/2010 15:43

Watching with interest. I don't like the idea of DD being in the sole custody of ex. He'd definitely stop all contact with my extended family, just out of sheer possessiveness. But he hasn't yet done anything that would give rise to him losing his parental rights.

I urgently want to stay alive for the next 16 years at least, not for myself but to see DD to adulthood.

palacemonkey · 17/03/2010 15:54

Also watching with interest. My DH died last Jan (09) and I've said I would like DS to go to friends that also have a little girl and live in a nice village and have the ideal lifestyle. However, if something were to happen to me, I think there would be a custody fight from FIL and his parnter, MIL, and possibly from my parents in Australia...

An added complication is DS's trust fund and who would be trustee of that...

NicknameTaken · 17/03/2010 16:03

I'm glad we don't have any money at stake, palace. It can definitely mean people getting involved with the wrong motives. (And sorry about your DH).

palacemonkey · 18/03/2010 10:47

Although I have no doubt about the motives of all of DS's grandparents (they all adore him!) the Trust Fund does add a problem. The other thing is that they are all in their late 50's/early 60s now, so they would be a lot older than any other 'parents'...

STIDW · 18/03/2010 22:07

Is there a residence order in your favour?

STIDW · 18/03/2010 22:07

Is there a residence order in your favour?

Original poster

RaceyLacey · 19/03/2010 14:29

I cancelled todays appointment because of their attitude towards me as soon as they found out I would be getting legal aid. Have found a different solicitor who sounded a lot better and will be seeing them on Weds.

STIDW - No, there's nothing official in place at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

RaceyLacey · 24/03/2010 19:43

Just to let you all know that atm there is not anything really that I can do. I can put my wishes in a will, but obviously they're wishes, not a court order. It would only be very extremem circumstances that a court would stop him havig them.

However, once dp becomes dh and we have been together for a while (he's only been living with us for 6 months) then we can apply for step-parent responsibility, which will give him pr for the boys (would have to get agreement from xp though for ds2). Then if snything did happen to me a court would be more likely to leave them where they are settled than uproot them to xp's. There were other options for the future, e.g. residency order or adoption.

OP posts:

Flip