I apologise for the long read that will follow but I feel that in this case information is a helpful thing to have.
I met my ex just before Xmas 10 years ago, at which time she told me she was 18 (come to find out that WOULD have been true had she been 4 months older). Maybe not a deal breaker at the time but it turned out to be the beginning of a whole carpet of lies.
She fell pregnant with our first son on new years eve of that year. To this day I'm not sure if it was in an effort to trap me or just poor timing but either way I had to do the right thing and be there for my kid and be a father to the best of my ability, we continued on our relationship for 10 years (with a couple short breaks in the middle)and 3 more kids, during which time she proceeded to alienate all but 2 of my friends, a couple members of family and anyone who I spoke to either on-line or in real life.
Of the many stunts she has pulled in her time to either get her own way or to punish me for either winning an argument through pure common sense or for something she had made up in her own mind (the women here should have some idea of what sort of things I am referring to here. No disrespect but a woman will know best how a woman's mind would work.. I'm just a bloke.)
But of these stunts, by FAR the worst of them was an argument over something so trivial now that i can't even remember what the catalyst was. but to cut a long story short, as revenge/spite she reported me to the police for allegedly having indecent images of children on my computer. Of course all my equipment was seized and investigated and 7 months later I was cleared of everything (most probably because there was nothing there to begin with).
During this relationship I was not allowed to go anywhere unsupervised. even a trip to the shop that lasted longer than usual was met with accusations, arguments and me defending myself against them.
I wasn't even allowed to go to the doctors on my own. Something would always come up meaning that i would either not be able to attend appointments which i HAD managed to make, or some crisis would come up. (usually involving turning the house upside down looking for something she had lost while she stood in the middle of the room berating me for losing it (even though I had never laid hands on said objects.).
Add to all of this the fact that the only time she would ever lift a finger around the house was if we were expecting a visit from the likes of the health visitor or social services. It was left entirely to me to look after the upkeep of the house and the 4 kids while she would indulge her addiction to a computer game called World of Warcraft. Often staying awake all night to play it and then falling asleep on the sofa during the day, once again leaving me to deal with the kids who are 2,3,5 and 8. I would be the one who had to attend parents evenings on my own (well with my son) and pretty much deal with everything.
As a result the house ended up being a mess as I was really struggling to cover her share as well as my own, and I will also admit that there was a certain amount of "Well if she won't get off her arse to do it then why should I?" towards the last year or so. but still I would keep up to the best of my ability, often having to rely on my 8 year old son to help out.
Still her computer game addiction flourished and I eventually had to load up the game myself as it was the only real method of communicating with her.
She would get up and get the kids ready for school and also cook the evening meal but that was only due to me causing a blazing row because she refused to do anything to help in the house. Even then she would complain about it all the way through.
roll the clock forward to Valentines day this year (our youngest's 2nd birthday) we had a load of fun and the evening finished at about 3 am in the end, so naturally being tired I went to bed, only to wake up at 9am and find no sign of the kids, money stolen from the house as well as various items including the tenancy agreement, that months rent, £100 to get the car taxed with and a whole bunch of smaller items.
No note or anything to say what she had done or why. Even MY mother, with whom the kids had a great rapport and loved probably more than any other person on the planet, to this day is still none the wiser on the subject. (Might I also add that my mother had always been there for all of us in what ever way she was able, which my Ex used abused frequently.
What have I done thus far?
Well 24 hours after they disappeared I involved the police who tracked her down very quickly but would not tell me where. So I then got my solicitor involved who at present is waiting for the reply to the courts on an order which would force the revelation of where my kids are, at which point residency/custody papers will be served. That is the situation now. I have been in contact with social services (we were assigned a key worker because my eldest daughter has glue ear as well as other behavioural problems so had a whole army of people supporting her in school.) as well as the schools head teacher, Health visitors and other official bodies to try to get this situation resolved.
Now it is merely a case of sitting back and waiting, which isn't easy. But I am concerned. I am under the impression that even in this day and age the courts still tend to side with the mother so apart from the years of legal letters which she has made various statements such as drug use nd abuse (which she later retracted in another letter), a residency order on my oldest son from the time that she thought she could simply hop on a plane and emigrate to Amreica (which I am also wondering why the police didn't enforce when I originally had them hunt them down)and various other statements she made in the past which she retracted (completely voluntarily) as un-true. Still I feel that I need other feathers to my bow to bring my kids back home, back to their family who is missing them in a massive way and back to the support network that they had in place aswell as the schools they were in which they excelled in more than any other school they have attended. I am hoping that this whole episode will not set them back too much although with my 5 year old daughter (the one with the learning difficulties) I can see this putting her back at least a year.
Any advice on what else I can do to help me do the right thing by my kids would be very much appreciated and thank you for persevering through this novel-like read.