H wants to file for divorce now and I don't want to....

[Confusedanddazed]

H and are separated and I am shortly going to put the house on the market in order to move on for me and my DD and get myself cut from any financial ties I have with him.

H is keen for one of us to file for divorce now rather than my preference which is to wait for 2 years separation and let it go through.

Obviously we will have to come to some agreement before selling the house about finances but I don't see that this has to be part of a divorce 'package' as I know we can sort this out - have it made legally binding - sell the house - move on and then divorce in 15 months.

He seems very keen on filing for divorce (even though there are no grounds on either side) I don't know why - he claims it is so we can 'move on' and 'draw a line' under things. To me, it's a bit of paper and the greatest thing we can do to move on is sell up and agree finances etc.

Can anyone tell me what the pros and cons are of filing now or later and what part the settlement of finances would play in that?
I am assuming that filing now would cost a lot more in solicitors time etc which I am keen to avoid when I have enough expense with moving house to worry about

Thanks in advance for any replies!

I'm not a legal expert so can't give advise, but does seem strange that H is pushing for divorce when there are no grounds, i'm assuming from this that the separation was mutual. Is it possible he is trying to put obstacles in your way through bitterness.

Divorce now - Closure. Final financial order.

Divorce later - Emotionally revist in 15months. Final financial order when your financial resources, needs and obligations could have changed.

You may record the financial agreement now in a separation deed but the same information will need to be transferred to a consent order when you divorce this arguably duplicating costs.

Grounds for divorce - Unreasonable behaviour covers many things.

Hope that helps

In England & Wales some people do not wish to wait for two years and most divorces cite unreasonable behaviour to get it over and done with. The reasons given for the marriage breakdown really makes little difference.

Although agreements settling the finances may carry some weight they are always subject to review. The court can only make a final order effective after the first part of the divorce (nisi) has been granted, or in the case of an order including pension sharing after the absolute decree.

Without a final court order settling the finances either party can make claims against the other anytime in the future. For example, it has been known for financial provision to be awarded 20+ years after the marriage ended. In one case someone was awarded a substantial amount of the other parties inheritance after 22 years. Imagine how you would feel if you had to share a windfall, say a lottery prize.

Some solicitors suggest a separation agreement and dealing with the divorce and the "consent order" finalizing the finances after two years separation when emotions are not so raw. They argue this avoids expensive litigation and does least damage to long term family relationships.

Other lawyers advise a separation agreement complicates matters because they are open to challenge which often gives rise to expensive litigation later. In any event effectively clients pay twice - once for negotiation and drafting of a separation agreement and again for negotiation and drafting the consent order.

Thanks for the advice.
I'm still unsure of what to do, as tempting as it is to get it over and done with, I can't bear the thought sitting down and re-hashing every little thing that annoyed me about him and somehow dress this up as unreasonable behaviour.
As far as I have been able to ascertain he fell out of love with me and didn't want to continue being in the marriage. As much as that hurts and has made me angry - is this unreasonable behaviour?
His failure to bother to try and rectify the problems or to give me a chance to come to terms with this and try and put it right (he apparently hadn't been feeling 'right' about us for a couple of years) and the fact he never indicated any of this until I dragged it out of him is what I would consider the most likely to be construed as unreasonable behaviour.
I just want to be able to move on with the least financial and legal hassle possible

Hi there

Unreasonable behaviour is personal to you. Failing to provide love and affection is cited in unreasonable behaviour petitions. It need not be acrimonious and a good family law solicitor will tone down allegations of behaviour in any event, to avoid inflaming a situation.

If you feel more comfortable contacting him for consent in two years, you have that option too.

Hope that helps.

Harjit Sarang

You may not have a choice if your husband isn't prepared to wait for two years and divorced citing your unreasonable behaviour before then. It doesn't really matter who petitions but how would you feel about it?

When the divorce itself isn't contested it isn't too difficult to do-it-yourself to keep costs down. The reasons can be quite mild, although they should be framed in a way that shows it is intolerable for you to live together. Arrangements for any children can be agreed in a statement of arrangements which accompanies the divorce.

The finances are the sticking point where most people will require legal assistance. You can agree the sharing of assets between yourselves, then ask a solicitor for advice and to draft a consent order to make the agreement legally binding.

You need to guard against selling the former matrimonial home and/or transferring assets without legal advice. I don't want to sound a doom and gloom merchant, but one spouse depleting their share of the assets and coming back for more isn't at all unheard of.

Thanks for all your advice, I have decided to file him for divorce as I would like the certainty of a consent order and I have suggested that we come to a financial settlement through mediation.
I think my credit card will have to swallow the legal costs in order just to get this over and done with!
Thanks again