reasons for divorce is this possible??

[meerkatsandkookaburras]

can anyone tell me if it is possible to find out the reasons my parents divorced in 1985ish as both tell me different reasons and all i know was down is "husbands unreasonable behaviour" they both have very different stories and i just wish there was a way of finding out what was said in the divorce proceedings, i guess this is impossible but wondering just in case?! my dad would probably back me in finding out if id need one of them to do it - hes being accused of things i dont believe to be true and he would help me to prove that i think, or my mum maybe would to prove her version of events, either way im sure i can persuade one to prove their story if there is a way of proving it???? anyone know???

No. The divorce absolute decree just says a divorce has been granted and is held on public record. Other papers are archived for about twenty years and require court permission to access, then they are destroyed.

Even if you could access the papers you the 'truth' cannot be established because often it is exaggerated or one person accepts false allegations just so the divorce goes through without complication and expense.

Sadly it is often said that in family cases everyone is lying. That perhaps sounds extreme but the emotions are such that even the most truthful person has difficulty in distinguishing facts and evidence. In some quarters it is said that there is a psychological phenomena where conflicted divorcing spouses reconstruct their history in an overly negative way and over time this image becomes fixed as though it were true. This often happens when someone is distressed at being 'left' by a spouse - it's a human reaction to feelings of abandonment. You could bear this in mind and take any accusations with a pinch of salt.

thanks so much, the main problem is that their stories are so different they cant both have any truth in as so different. very frustrating!!! dont think ill ever know the truth as to whether my dad chose not to see me or my mum took me away, that all holds on why they split!! oh well it seems even as an adult neither can tell me the truth as one is definately completely lying as there isnt an in between if that makes sense the thing is i think my mum is lying but cant prove it, short of getting her to admit it i guess i will never get to the bottom of it and they will keep fighting over me forever lol im 29 now wonder how long it will last!!

Sometimes life throws a curved ball which cannot be rationalised. With divorce when you talk to both sides it's rather like two people going to the cinema and having entirely different perceptions of the same film they have just watched.

It's a shame some parent's cannot put their differences aside for the benefit of children. With the fighting all you can really do is be clear it is their issue, you love them both and won't take sides.

thanks, yeah that really is a good way of describing it, however i believe one saw a violent action thriller or something and the other some kind of tearful drama lol about the only thing they agree on is when i was born and when we moved house!!!! parents eh!!! thanks so much though for the advice