Divorce Settlement / Working / Interests of DC

[CanadaDry]

I am currently in the process of negotiating a divorce settlement via mediation.

I returned to work P/T when DS was small which H was never very keen on, but I wanted to pick my career back up and financially it allowed us a better standard of living. We always agreed I would work around school hours to make sure we didn;t need to use wrap around care as we thought it was in DS' best interests.

Basically where we have got to now is that H wants me to settle on an amount which will mean that if I carry on working P/T, I will be barely able to manage.

He is suggesting I look for F/T work. I am arguing that I don;t think it is in DS' best interest at the moment and that I would like a settlement that includes some kind of additional support to allow me to continue working P/T until DS is a bit older (he is 5). This could be in the form of maintenance or just additonal equity (the former obviously being financially better for H as he does still retain the equity in the long run and can apply to vary the maintenance if I start F/T work).

I particularly don;t want DS to have another major change while we are going through the upheaveal of separation / moving (still living in same home atm).

Is this a reasonable request or should I just bite the bullet and assume I must find F/T work?

Unfortunately I initiated the split and there is a lot of major resentment and bitterness going on for various reasons. When I try to discuss this with H all I am getting is the "oh here we go, using DS as a pawn again" comments.

Next mediation session is soon and I want to be clear about how I feel on this. OTOH I don;t want to seem like I'm out for all I can get because I do want things to be as fair as possible.

I think all children would like their mum or dad to be there for them when they come home from school but at the same time after school clubs and after school care can be more fun than being at home after school!

I hear what you are saying about what is best for your son's interests but your DH is looking at the fact he will have to support you financially, exclusive of child maintenance and to be frank spousal maintenance is something that nobody wants to be stuck with as it can go on forever.

I think the general thinking is a "clean break" being best for everyone.

If you genuinely feel that you child is unable to cope with you working fulltime then why don't you propose that your exhusband supports you with a fixed amount until the September your child starts junior school? (Around 7yr I think?) That way your child has more time to adjust, you can retrain or do whatever is necessary to get you back fulltime and your exh can see an end to when he has to support you.

The idea of divorce is that the marriage should end and therefore it is difficult for some people to feel they should continue to financially support a person they are no longer married to. As I say this is all exclusive of child maintenance.

Fruity thank you, that is exactly the kind of arrangement that I would feel would be suitable. Obviously at some point I have got to go FT, and I'm sure there will come a point when it will be right for DS too.

The otehr things is, I can't "just" go F/T - I have spoken to my boss and the option is not there at the moment, although if I was desperate I could speak to Dept Head & HR to see if there is anything they can offer.

Otherwise, I will have to look for another job / wait for soemthing to come up internally, which could take a while.

Do you know anything about the legalities of such a short term arrangement?