Child custody issue

[westienoo]

Hi
My children went to live with their father about three years ago when I landed myself in prison due to a financial case. On my release I have tried to do what I thought was best for the children. They are settled at school achieving great grades and attend loads of clubs. so I have encouraged them to stay put and come home every other weekend.
My relationship with my ex is bad, he is manipulative, is always right and he scares me.
Our son who is now eleven and a half has always insisted that he wants to come home, I have a lovely husband and work as a teacher in FE so could provide a stable environment for him, my daughter who is nine is not fussed either way but if her brother comes home will quite probably want to come home to.
The problem is that i have been putting off the war because my ex scares me, I dont have the money for a solicitor and don't qualify for legal aid, he's loaded. My son came home at xmas kept crying that he did not want to go back, said he wishes he was dead and hates his father. I keep trying to convince myself that he is only saying what he thinks i want to hear and hoping the problem will go away. I'm scared for he's mental health but don't know what to do, his father loves him. doesn't bring him up as i would but they are in no danger from him. He want talk, want listen to our children and keeps threatening my son if he doesn't stop going on about living we me he will stop him coming to visit. I just want to pick him up and run

Help

You must take this to court. Go to the CAB. Could you ask your ex for EVERY weekend?

it doesn't sound like your son is fine with his dad, i don't think an 11 yr old would be crying and saying he wishes he was dead just because he thinks its what you want to hear, also if your x scares you and it sounds like hes scaring your son then you have to do something, prove to your son that you won't leave him in a situation hes not happy in

sorry i have no legal advice but just wanted to say that it sounds like your son is crying out for you to take him back

every weekend would be great I live in the lakes and he lives in coventry and my ex wont meet in the middle so its an 8 hour round trip which I don't always have the money for. Poor excuss also my ex want agree to it he limits access as much as possible his terms or no terms

Umm.. This is always quite difficult to know what to do. Often pre adolescents or young adolescents really miss the parent who no longer lives with them and want to change residence. When they do they miss the other parent and within a year or so want to move back. The problem with this is the child is focusing on time with parents when in developmental terms they really need to be concentrating on developing relations with their peers.

As long as your son is surviving reasonably well and there are no problems at school rather than run off to court I would try mediation to find a way forward that can work for everyone. If the Father is threatening to stop contact if son is going on about living with you it is probably because he himself is insecure and fears loosing his son. Perhaps the Father needs reassurance that you won't 'take' your son and be persuaded to 'let go' with the help of a mediator.

I am sorry to read of the difficulties you are going through at the moment with your ex. It appears that your son is terrified of his dad for whatever reason. This is not good for his mental state as this can cause emotional and psychological problems in the near future for him.

Also, you have to think of what is best for your children and their welfare, obviously what you can do to help them, especially your son.

Domestic violence should not be allowed in our society. Speak to someone in confidence e.g Childline to get the best for them.

Best of luck

Would second the advice to try mediation if you ex will agree. Some mediators will see children as well and this might be helpful.

If you cannot afford legal representation and cannot get legal aid then represent yourself no-one can fight for your children more than mum...Good luck all the best...