Separation & what i need to do Help!

[Dillie]

I have been having problems with my H for a while now and as Popeye says "I stands so much i cant stands no more!" so have been thinking about leaving the marriage and starting afresh.

My mum has offered me roof & board gladly, but I realy dont want to go there if I can avoid it as they live 200miles away, and would mean uprooting my dd who starts school in a few days time. Plus I just know H will be difficult about custody/visting etc.

So keeping local is the best option for now at least.

housing .. where do i stand? if i rent am i right in thinking that for as long as my name is on the mortgage i cannot claim LHA? (as discussed in a previous post with a v nice poster )
Can I keep the house even though my wage will never meet the mortgage criteria? Not sure if I could buy H out so that may be a dead duck.

I can afford the mortgage payment at the moment without any problems, but may struggle if the interest rates go above 7% again. Renting is a possibility but it is slightly more than the mortgage payment and at the moment every penny I save is the best thing. Plus it means uprooting dd and I dont want to cause her more stress than I absolutely have to!

Custody .. I just have this feeling that things may turn nasty, and I really want to protect dd from as much as possible which is one of the reasons why I havent had the gumption to do anything before now

Benefits .. I am on an average p/time wage which is just enough to pay the bills and live ok. Where is best to see what i am entitled to? I have tried the CAB but they were as much help as a chocolate teapot!!!!

Is there a set amount for maintenance of children? or is it agreed between partners?

The more I think about it, the more worried I get. But I am going to have to do something, or my sanity will be lost! (Tried talking it through etc .. usual thing promises things will change .. ok for a few months and boom it goes back to normal again )

The usual legal advice is not to move out of the matrimonial home until the financial and childcare arrangements are in place.

How the matrimonial assets are split depends on the overall details - the value of solely and jointly held assets/liabilities including pensions, respective incomes, the duration of the relationship (marriage+cohabitation before marriage), ages, any disabilities, the number of any children, their ages and how many nights a week they are to spend with each parent.

The term custody hasn't been used in family law since the Children Act was introduced in 1989. Now both parents have parental responsibility and are seen as equal in the eyes of the law. Most divorcing couples (90%) come to their own arrangements about children. What are your's and your husband's existing working and childcare patterns?

Courts will only grant a sole residence order determining with whom a child shall live when for one reason or another the children is unlikely to survive and thrive in the care of the other parent. The outcome of about 25% of residence applications is shared residence when the child lives part of the time with each parent.

You can check out what state help you would be entitled to at here. If you work at least 16 hours a week you will receive a substantial amount of Working Families Tax Credit. Under certain circumstances mortgage lenders will take maintenance into account as income.

Child maintenance can be agreed by parents but most people use the CSA rates as a guide - that's 20% of the non residents parents net income minus a deduction for overnights the child stays with the NRP. There is information and a child maintenance calculator at the CM Options website.

Separating/divorcing is a process that takes considerably longer than most people think.

Hope that helps.

PS I should have said it isn't a bad idea to see a family lawyer sooner rather than later to find out where you stand and what your options are even if you then decide to negotiate arrangements directly with your husband or with the help of a mediator.

Using a lawyer who is committed to Resolution's code of conduct which promotes a non confrontational approach is a good idea as it keeps legal costs down and does the least damage to long term family relations.

You need to remember there will still be many years of parenting together and it is so much easier for children if parents can learn to work together after separation.

Sorry, just spotted a mistake. CM @ 20% is for two children. It would be 15% for one child or 25% for three or more.