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Legal advice needed re: child custody when parents split

9 replies

hackneyzoowithbellson · 27/12/2009 14:27

A good friend is splitting from her boyfriend. They have a 9 month DC. The boyfriend has moved out so the mother is looking after the DC. The boyfriend's family have now started threatening her saying their son should have custody and that they want to bring up the baby. My friend is a great mum and feels very threatened by the boyfriend's family's attitude. The boyfriend is fine, but doesn't show much initiative with helping out/providing for DC/ trying to sort the situation out.
Should my friend be seeking legal advice and setting up some kind of visiting agreement now the family are being threatening? On what grounds could they try to get custody of her child? (She is perfectly stable and a great mother) What are the boyfriends rights?
She is coming to stay for a few days and would like to try to sort things out this week, so any advice or shared experience of similar situations would be much appreciated.

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jeminXmashell · 27/12/2009 14:29

She needs to seek legal advice as soon as possible so that she is aware of her rights and all possible options.

Her ex-s family cannot 'demand' custody!! Sounds like they are trying to scare her though, which can't be nice for her.

Does the dad have contact at all with the baby?

hackneyzoowithbellson · 27/12/2009 14:34

The dad does have contact, but my friend is feeling a little wary/threatened now his family are talking 'custody' etc. So wants to have a legal plan drawn up, but isn't sure where to start.

I think you are right that she needs to speak to a solicitor asap.

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STIDW · 27/12/2009 19:59

In the UK the terms 'custody' and 'access' were replaced with the 'residence' and 'contact' some years ago.

The first thing to establish is whether the father was named on the birth certificate and has Parental Responsibility. If so he may apply to court for any order relating to PR including residence or contact. If not, a PR agreement can be made or it might be ordered by the court. Grandparents require the permission from the court to apply for any order.

Most separating parents have PR or are eligible to apply for it, are seen as equals in the eyes of the law and come to arrangements about where the child should live and how much contact between themselves. Experience shows that although there might be some posturing (unfortunately some solicitors encourage this with an adversary approach) in the short term couples are more satisfied with arrangements they made themselves and are more likely to adhere to them.

When courts become involved they decide arrangements for children based on a welfare checklist. Generally it is accepted that it is in the child's interest to maintain their sense of security and existing bonds. Therefore if one parent works full time and the other doesn't work or works part time the reality is that the children has a parent with the majority of care and a contact parent. When both parents work full time and child care is shared it is a shared residence situation. Shared residence doesn't have to be 50:50, it can be divided in different proportions.

When it comes to contact parents have no rights, it is the child's right to a relationship with the parent and their extended family. With very young children contact tends to be for frequent short periods. Over time this develops in to days, overnights, full weekends and fortnight holidays. By the time children go to school sharing the quality time at weekends and during the school holidays is fairly common.

My suggestion would be to sit down and try to draw up a parenting plan possibly with the help of a family mediator. There are lots of examples on the internet and CAFCASS publications available to download from their website is a good starting point. A parenting plan cannot be made legally binding but some solicitors will draw up a deed of agreement which can be referred to court should there be disputes in the future.

hackneyzoowithbellson · 27/12/2009 20:35

STIDW Thank you for your very clear and concise advice. It all makes a lot of sense. Will pass it on.

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yerblurt · 28/12/2009 15:09

STIDW has got in there first before me - spot on with the advice.

The ex's family are talking guff, it's not on them making such threats. tbh they are probably scared of not having a relationship with their grandchild, but it's better to try and keep things amicable and the tension down.

Get along to your local Family Mediation services and get mediating. Once you get solicitors involved in my experience the ante starts to get moved up, they are only really interested in making more money by banging letters back and forth anyway. By all means take some free 30 min legal advice, prefarably from a Resolution member or a Collaborative Law practioner - it's better to mediate than litigate as they say!

mumoverseas · 30/12/2009 06:22
yerblurt · 30/12/2009 11:51

lol mumoverseas - your advice has always been spot on too.

I stand corrected! not all lawyers are like that - although most are IME. There are good ones, although they are quite rare - and it seems they either become burnt out or disillusioned with the system and leave!

mumoverseas · 30/12/2009 13:36

and some of us even have a sense of humour too
You are right as usual yerblurt, I'm one of the burnt out ones.

hackneyzoowithbellson · 30/12/2009 16:39

Thanks yerblurt and Mumoverseas! She has sorted out some mediation sessions starting next week and is only dealing with the ex now and not his family, so things are looking slighlty calmer and the family have backed off a little.

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