Any Advice for me to pass onto DS's best friends dad. Social Services are going to take him into foster care against his will

[Notalone]

I don't know the full story as I haven't been doing the school run for a while, DP has, but here is what I know. DS's best friend is a lovely little boy who lives with his dad and younger brother. Its a sad story all round because they were taken off their mum a few years back because of serious neglect and abuse. As a result the younger brother has some serious issues around toileting (is faecally incontinent) and is seeing a child psychologist as it is beleieved it is psychological rather than a physical thing.

This man is a lovely dad but he really struggles. He has little money and has to rely on benefits due to having to go down to the school around three times every day to change the younger boy who is in reception (the school refuse to do this). His house has in the past been filthy and he and the kids are often unkempt. He really struggles as a parent but loves his kids and any spare money he has goes on buying them whatever they need including bikes, outdoor toys etc. A few months ago DS's best friend had recurring nits and he was using tee tree oil to get rid of them which didn't work. He is now free of them but it took a while. They are often late for school because of the younger brothers issues and the school made a complaint to SS as a result of this.

DP told me today that SS have advised him the eldest (but not the youngest) brother will be being sent to a foster family and they will come and get hime from school in the immediate future. He is devestated and comes into school now looking like he has been up crying all night.

So my question is, can they really do this? Can they take a child off a parent who is trying and willing to co-operate? I appreciate I don't know the full story but I have a good feel for this family due to DS's friendship with this boy and they are just a family doing the best they can. The house has now been cleaned up but I feel the dad doesn't know what he can do and that he may be able to appeal or do something. I have helped him as much as I can by having the eldest DS over to play when I can, especially when the dad has been ill or struggling with the younger one, and by donating all of DS's old clothes for the younger brother but I am lost with this one.

I will not be able to get back online now until tomorrow but your advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

I don't have any suggestions but I am bumping as I feel for the little boy and his family

Has his social worker offered any intervention from a family support worker? They can usually help with getting the house organised, behaviour and routines with the children Removing a child is normally the last resort, does this dad have anyone with him when he meets with the social worker for support? Does he understand what has been going on, or what they expect from him in order to make improvements so his child can stay with him?

Like FMAB I am wondering if the dad completely understands what has been going on and what ss expects from him.

I would suggest he contacts the Family Rights Group. They run an advice line 0808 801 0366.

Thanks for your input. I wish I knew more. I am currently full time working / studying so am rarely at the school and don't want to call him especially because he may think I am prying.

The dad has said in the past he likes to keep himself to himself so I am guessing he goes alone. I know he finds things like this hard to understand so I am sure he does not know what he is entitled to, but this treatment cannot be right surely?

I am going to get DP to give him the number of the Family Rights Group so he can get some advice from them. I just hope it is not too late . Out of interest is it considered normal practice to remove a child from school without proper warning and why the elder and not both?

im a social worker and my first thought is that there must be more to the story than this.
it has been known for 1 child to be removed but not the other - diff chilren diff needs etc...

with regards to removing the child form school this would be highly unusual and normally only happens in an emergency which this sounds it isnt if they are warning him.

if social services have been involved there may be court orders in place which give them PR for the children which would mean that they can remove without notice - must still have cause though.

Social workers can only remove children with parents agreement or with a court order.

the only other people able to make any decision is the police who can remove children for 72 hours under police powers, when this happens they give the children to social services to sort out - but social services cant over ride the polices decision but can return the children after the 72 hours or do the paragragh above.

Thanks FloatyJo's mum - I spoke with DP earlier after my last post and he advised that the eldest boy is no longer being taken away but that a court order is now in place for both children. I am still not sure what the full story is or how much support he is receiving but it must be an awful feeling waiting for your children to be removed. I think he needs educating on parenting regarding cleanliness and diet but I still don't think he is an appalling dad as he really does want the best for his children. It is a sad situation for all of them which I really hope will be resolved

Hi NotAlone,

I do pro bono work for an organisation called Justice For Families, run by John Hemming MP which focuses on public family law (cases which involve social workers and issues around child abuse and so on).

Your friend is very welcome to get in touch with me or John Hemming if he would like some support or advice. The service is free; the idea is that people who are not able to pay for advice have some help too.

I have a website called Divorce Manual which is a project dedicated towards helping families both in the private family law sector (divorce) and the public family law sector.

Kind regards,

Natasha

Oh, your friend may also really like the organisation Dads House...

Their website is really great!

www.dadshouse.co.uk

Hey Natasha. Thats is fantastic of you. Thanks so much. I will definitely pass your details over to him and make hime aware of Dadshouse. I think he would find talking to someone knowledgable very reassuring