Will try to summarise as best I can but a lot has happened.
my husband of 17 years started EMDR therapy for CSA in autumn and it completely unravelled him. We had marriage problems before but there was a stark deterioration where his emotions were uncontained. Although sympathetic to his trauma when it got to the stage of his anger affecting kids I couldn’t continue. I fled the house one night with kids due to his agressive behaviour. Prior to this I had supported him through suicidal thoughts, being unable to work, took on full responsibility of the children to allow him to focus on himself, all whilst working FT and his family doing nothing to help me.
The day I left the house sparked the worst week of my life where he went into his therapy session and made threats to kill me. Then safeguarding, police, school all got involved and I finished the week with him making a suicide attempt where I was running around an open space trying to locate him whilst waiting for police. Astonishingly wasn’t sectioned but acute crisis team involved etc. His mental health team advised no unsupervised access to children and I wasn’t to be alone with him and should meet him in public spaces
After 10 days of me at my mums with DC, he left the house and was admitted to a mental health half way house type thing. I moved back to the family home. Monitored but free to leave for 2 weeks and then got a room somewhere. Despite me really trying to push him, he rarely spoke or saw DCs, perhaps 3 times in last 6 weeks. I have taken kids on holidays and have found myself as a single parent. They are bereft as they love their dad and I do struggle to keep the plates spinning.
with new meds my husband is claiming he is feeling better but previously he was so unpredictable I changed the lock for my safety. Discussed with my solicitor about getting an occupational order but cost was a factor as I am going to separate and know it will be costly - I do regret this now. Now he is claiming to be better (I have doubts) he is fixated on me giving him a key. He started asking for one when we were out with the boys, asking repeatedly to the point I had to say I would have to walk out and eventually just ignored him which was horrible for kids. I have always offered him access to the home to get what he needs. He never responded to my solicitors letters about terms, claiming ‘I need to discuss with my solicitor’ - but not proving us with information about them.
since Wednesday he has harassed me repeatedly. I have taken kids out the country for the week, with permission, and my ring camera has picked up that he hanging around outside the house for hours or making multiple trips there through the day constantly. We have a cat and he could see that the flap had become locked as the catch slipped down. All day he fixated on this, also taking pictures of where he thinks I haven’t left the house secure. I had family coming around yesterday evening to sort car flap but my camera picked him up hopping over the fence at the back.
I asked him repeatedly to allow me to enjoy this week with the children after what has been an incredibly hard few months but he won’t. I have blocked him on what’s app but advised he can contact children through my brother (he hasn’t asked to speak to them, fixated on house). I have given him the option of meeting a family member at the home to be permitted access but he hasn’t taken me up on it. Said he could move back in if he wanted, I have said if he does he will force me and children out. To be clear, I haven’t taken this step lightly and with the aim of taking the house full time. I just needed to feel safe in the property.
I have emailed solicitor but now dreading returning because I am worried he will be hanging around the home, or I will be unable to leave my front door open, but also because I don’t know how I can facilitate contact with kids when he is acting the way he is to me. I don’t think he is well again, but his MH team won’t speak to me as he is removed me as NOK.