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Legal matters

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Not sure how much more I can cope with? Legal matters too-advice please

25 replies

Sheshappy123 · 08/07/2026 11:57

will try to keep this as short as possible.

So my neighbour came to me and said that my son had hit her car on his bike and caused scratches and dents- my son admitted he accidentally hit her car but no proof that the damage she’s relating to is actually caused by that. The car has a few big scratches and a few dents. Other children in the neighbourhood also ride past her car on their bikes (including her own son) my children say her son came up with the idea to use their driveway as a bike ramp, which she denies. So although he says he did bump her car so could have many other children including her own. She says she had on ring camera a video of my son saying sorry for hitting her car (I made him go and apologise) but no proof that I was actually him that caused that. She has been rude to my son, and her partner slightly threatening to my ex when they discussed it. She has been threatening me with court if I don’t pay, I had enough of arguing so just agreed to pay when she sent the quote, I told her she needed to wait till the end of the month until I got paid, now today she has sent a new quote adding labour on top and I have told her i genuinely cannot afford it and only put aside the amount for the original quote she sent, she says I’m a joke for making her wait this long as she wants to part exchange her car and I have said I think I’ve been quite reasonable as I don’t think a lot of other people would happily pay for damage that their is no proof of. If there was real proof he directly caused the damage then yes of course it’s my responsibility to pay but the fact that her son encouraged mine to use the driveway and he also did too along with other children meaning someone else could have caused the damage, my son is awaiting assessments for behavioural issues and he sometimes acts impulsively. She is now threatening court if I don’t pay. But I cannot pay what I don’t have. Am I being unreasonable?

im already struggling so much and this has tipped me over the edge that I’m worried about my mental health, I’ve already been feeling so low, crying all the time, struggling to sleep, feeling hopeless. I have arrears in rent and council tax, credit cards along with most other debts that I’m being chased for, working 6 days a week and taking extra clients on top, doing everything for my children alone with no financial help from my ex (their dad) trying to keep up with rent arrears so they have a roof over their heads, food on the table and trying to avoid baliffs at the door, my own car needs major costly repairs and is barely running at the moment but it’s not possible for me to be able to work without it- I can’t afford the repairs and I’m worried everyday if it will give up on me and then I can’t work, I was sold a faulty car from a dealership that im left with and waiting for ombudsman to investigate but I now need to pay for diagnostic reports on top. I’m trying to be a good mum and provide everything they need, emotional support etc but I feel so hopeless like things will never end. Everyday I hold back tears until the children go to bed then I cry myself to sleep. I’m waiting for therapy to address a lot of trauma that I have been through in my life and adding all of this on top feels like too much to bare right now I feel so exhausted with life I’m just holding on for my children

i am so sorry for the ramble

OP posts:
IrisApril · 08/07/2026 12:03

First thing you should do is reach out to Citizens Advice Bureau. I find it highly unlikely that your neighbour would win in small claims court, with no evidence your son did this. But get it confirmed by CAB first.

Then tell the neighbour there is no proof, you aren’t paying anything, and to leave you alone. If the harassment continues then log it with the police.

Have you thought about claiming child support from your ex? He should pay for his children.

Sheshappy123 · 08/07/2026 12:38

@IrisApril thank you for the advice I will do that

If I don’t pay she won’t leave it, she is very rude and can be quite aggressive and forceful and I absolutely hate conflict and don’t want to be on edge but don’t want to feel forced to pay just for that reason

my ex is very lazy, doesn’t work and never really has so I haven’t claimed child support as it would be such a tiny amount that wouldn’t even be useful

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 08/07/2026 12:40

I’m sorry for the situation you are in.

there’s no evidence your son did this (video of him saying sorry is not evidence he did it) so I wouldn’t be paying.

she sounds very difficult

Sheshappy123 · 08/07/2026 12:51

She says that her partner was outside at the time and saw him do it, and she says that’s when she noticed the scratch. But she didn’t tell me straight away? Also how do I know that the damage was not already there or that one of the other children have done it

OP posts:
Sheshappy123 · 08/07/2026 13:12

Actually looking back on my messages to her she didn’t say her partner saw him do it, she says he saw him riding near to her car and then says she noticed the scratches/dents when she next came to her car. She says previously she says she’s seen my son riding too close to her car many times but shes never told me this? Or told me to have a word with him about it? My children are adamant then her son also uses their car driveway as a ramp and that he came up with the idea to do so but she denies this.

OP posts:
Hedgehogforshort · 08/07/2026 13:21

She would have to sue your son not you for negligence, as he is a minor. Which would unlikely be successful. And she would have to prove it. On the balance of probabilities.

Since from what you say there was her child and others who may have been responsible as well she may have difficulty with proof.

To sue you she would have to show that you were negligent by failing to supervise him adequately.

that would depend vey much on his age.

I would get advice from the CAB, and in the meantime tell. Her you are seeking advice.

Y

prh47bridge · 08/07/2026 13:23

Even if your son scratched and dented her car, you are not personally liable unless you were negligent. There is nothing in your posts that suggests you were in any way negligent.

Your son may be liable, but she would have to show that he damaged her car. It doesn't sound like she could do that. The video of your son apologising (if it exists) is unhelpful, but shouldn't be a problem. Even if she could prove that your son damaged her car, it wouldn't be worth pursuing him unless he has enough money to pay for the damage. She couldn't get judgement against your son and force you to pay.

I understand that you hate conflict, but my advice would be that you need to take a strong line. Make it clear to her that she has no evidence that your son caused the damage and you won't pay anything.

Sheshappy123 · 08/07/2026 13:45

This is her response

Hi
If you're unwilling to pay for the damage, I am prepared to take this matter to the Small Claims Court. Please be aware that this is likely to result in additional costs for you.
I will be sending you the repair invoice shortly, and I expect payment to be made promptly. If I do not receive payment or a response within 5 days, I will begin the process of recovering the costs through the court.
I hope we can resolve this without the need for legal action.

Just to make you aware, if you do not pay the invoice and I have to take this matter to the Small Claims Court, I will also seek to recover any applicable court fees, interest, and any other costs the court permits in addition to the repair costs.

OP posts:
Passaggressfedup · 08/07/2026 13:52

You're fine legally but you seem to be full of excuses for something your son admitted doing himself. You also agreed to pay something.

Be prepared to live next to a very resentful neighbour who won't let it go.

FinallyMovingHouse · 08/07/2026 13:57

I would get CAB advice and propose that you pay what she originally asked for; your son apologised for causing damage, so that part is established but the extent of it is not. If CAB agree, pay the original amount and then advise her that the matter is closed.

MissAmbrosia · 08/07/2026 14:01

Surely she needs to contact her insurance company? They will investigate. If there is no proof that it was your ds, they will presumably cover the damage if higher than the excess?

OldCrohn · 08/07/2026 14:29

Passaggressfedup · 08/07/2026 13:52

You're fine legally but you seem to be full of excuses for something your son admitted doing himself. You also agreed to pay something.

Be prepared to live next to a very resentful neighbour who won't let it go.

Yeah I don't get the vibe of this thread. The kid hit the car and apologised. There are dents and scratches where the car would be hit by a bike. That's a more than reasonable amount of evidence.

I don't understand why so many people are being supportive of someone having their car damaged by a neighbour's child and the neighbour taking an attitude of tough shit, she can pay for it herself.

Hedgehogforshort · 08/07/2026 14:35

OldCrohn · 08/07/2026 14:29

Yeah I don't get the vibe of this thread. The kid hit the car and apologised. There are dents and scratches where the car would be hit by a bike. That's a more than reasonable amount of evidence.

I don't understand why so many people are being supportive of someone having their car damaged by a neighbour's child and the neighbour taking an attitude of tough shit, she can pay for it herself.

The law as it is has been explained on her try reading it

Gardenisablooming · 08/07/2026 14:41

Has the bike got any car paint on it?tell her you'll see her in court. She will have to prove he did it..she is a bully imo..
My ds got in with the wrong crowd and they all threw a brick at a parled car and smashed the window. Police involved and we didn't have to pay. Ds had to go apologise and do a reparation course via local course .
Woman was absolutely vile to ds.

Tell her to stop speaking to you and you will see her in court.. her bullying you is worse than her car damage.

MrsMoastyToasty · 08/07/2026 14:41

I echo what PP have said about CAB. They will also help you deal with your creditors.

IronEverything · 08/07/2026 14:49

Sheshappy123 · 08/07/2026 13:45

This is her response

Hi
If you're unwilling to pay for the damage, I am prepared to take this matter to the Small Claims Court. Please be aware that this is likely to result in additional costs for you.
I will be sending you the repair invoice shortly, and I expect payment to be made promptly. If I do not receive payment or a response within 5 days, I will begin the process of recovering the costs through the court.
I hope we can resolve this without the need for legal action.

Just to make you aware, if you do not pay the invoice and I have to take this matter to the Small Claims Court, I will also seek to recover any applicable court fees, interest, and any other costs the court permits in addition to the repair costs.

Don't pay her a penny. My response would be:

Hi, I have decided that I am not going to pay you any money. Please claim for any damage to your car using your car insurance. I have seen no evidence that my son caused the damage and I do not accept liability.

If you continue to threaten or harass me then I will be left with no choice than to go to the police. This will be my final correspondence with you directly on this matter.

PashaMinaMio · 08/07/2026 14:55

She has no actual proof your child did it.
The scratches could have been historical for all you know and the result of parking anywhere else, like a supermarket car park
or a roadside.

Albeit your kid apologised in reality if we accept the damage occurred on her drive by the children, it could have been any of them!

Id tell her you’ll see her in court. She hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

Meanwhile, go see Citizen’s Advice anyway for debt handling advice. I’ve heard they’re very helpful. Take invoices & bills with you. Ring them today … get back control of your debts.

unsync · 08/07/2026 16:32

You should use the money to pay rent arrears and outstanding Council Tax. These two debts put you at risk of losing the roof over your head. The neighbour (whether or not you should be paying her) can get in line with the rest of your other creditors. Prioritise your debts.

Sheshappy123 · 11/07/2026 11:59

When she originally told me about it her wording made it sound like she had actually witnessed him do the damage, so I told him to go and apologise, he said sorry for scratching your car but he was pressured because she told him that he’d done it but he actually isn’t sure he says he bumped it but there are multiple dents and a scratch in different places. Her own son rides his bike next to her car she denies this (but other children in the neighbourhood confirm that’s true) and I’ve seen other children do the same so there is no way to know my son alone caused the extent of the damage if any. The quote she originally have has risen from £200 to now £600 she says the first quote was just a quote but not accurate although the quote says “what you see is what you pay” but she then went to a different company and got a higher quote. She is harassing me to pay the £600 or will take me to small claims court

OP posts:
Sheshappy123 · 11/07/2026 12:02

Also the day she claims that it happened I was at work all day and not supervising him, his dad (my ex) was watching him at my house although he said he didn’t witness anything and I imagine it probably doesn’t make a difference who was watching him.

OP posts:
littlemousebigcheese · 11/07/2026 12:07

‘Thank you for letting me know. I’ll wait for the court letter.’ Morally it’s grey as fuck as you know your son hit her car and did some damage, even if not the full amount she’s arguing. Legally, without proof, shes got nothing so not much she can actually do in reality.

WiggyPig · 11/07/2026 12:27

She might not know that she'll have to pay a court fee of £70 to start a claim at all if it's £600 she's claiming. Practically what she should do is to claim through her insurers, and if the insurers think that your son is liable, then they're the ones who can pursue £600 through the small claims court bickering about which of the neighbourhood kids was on the drive at the time, and good luck to them.

She's also bullshitting about "additional costs for you" because the small claims court is not a costs jurisdiction.

I'd reply to say "I don't believe my son caused this damage and I will not be paying. Please contact your insurers and if they wish to pursue any legal action then they are entitled to do so."

Separately, contact StepChange for advice on debts, they are extremely helpful. https://www.stepchange.org

StepChange Debt Charity. Free Expert Debt Help & Advice

https://www.stepchange.org

TourdeCrema · 11/07/2026 12:37

Tell her

ibthink it’s best we go to court to sort this out. I will wait for the letter and we can take it from there. The judge can look at your proof etc and sort it all out.

i doubt you’ll be receiving a letter with a court date as I’d put money on her trying it on.

prh47bridge · 11/07/2026 14:58

She's also bullshitting about "additional costs for you" because the small claims court is not a costs jurisdiction.

For clarity, she would be able to claim her court fee and interest from OP if she claimed and one. However, she would not be able to claim anything she paid to a solicitor. Not that it really matters in this case. She clearly doesn't have a case against OP as OP was not negligent. She may have a case against OP's son if she can prove he was responsible for the damage (on the information posted I don't think she can), but it would be pointless pursuing such a claim as OP's son is clearly not in any position to pay.

JohnofWessex · 11/07/2026 20:28

I suspect that if she were to go to Court an obvious weakness in that your son has been put under pressure by adults to do something - apologise and has done.

Its not like he did it off his own free will

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