Executors v Widow - personal belongings

[LimpingPigeon]

My sister and I are executors of our father's will and entitled to the residue of the estate.

Our mother died years ago, but he remarried before he died in March 2026. A new will was executed following the marriage.

The will gives his wife a cash lump sum and a life interest in his half of the house (which they owned 50:50 as tenants in common) and use of the contents. "Contents" has been defined in the will as "all my furniture, furnishings and household effects".

Widow seems to consider that all his belongings are hers to keep / give away as she sees fit. She has given us my mums jewellery and old family records but is being cagey about everything else. Obviously all his belongings are in the house with her.

There is nothing of great (if any) monetary value but there are loads of ornaments, records and bits and pieces that he or our mum bought, plus there is a small amount of jewellery of his (wedding ring, watch and a couple of necklaces), and we would like to decide what happens to them. She has already given some garden machinery to her son-in-law that belonged to my dad (we have the invoice). She is also trying to decide what she wants to do with his clothes

How do we go about getting an inventory of his belongings if she won't give us free access to the house? How do we get hold of what is legally ours? How do we stop her from giving away this stuff?

We have everything we need in respect of his investments and accounts. It's just the physical belongings that we don't know how to deal with. She can be a bit awkward but I don't want to get heavy handed with lawyers etc.

Any help will be gratefully received. Thank you.

I think if there’s anything specific that you want, you should ask for it. Otherwise, I think it’s perfectly reasonable for her to dispose of his clothes and give some garden machinery away.

You’ll get your inheritance. No need to penny-pinch.

Mmm. I don’t know the legal definition of ‘use’ but I can imagine it doesn’t include getting rid of them. However, I’d expect her to just say they’d all broken if it came to a challenge.

Id leave it. I don’t think you’re beyond your rights but I also don’t think you can achieve anything by challenging this.

Thanks but that wasn't what I was asking.

I just wonder how other people deal with this. She has a lot of items of sentimental value, much of it relating to our mum who died when we were children. In addition to the bits we know about, we want to know what else there is, things we might have forgotten about but wouldn't want her giving away to her family.

This isn’t about ‘pennies’ though is it.
Its about physical items that my or may not have sentimental value or a cash value.
The widow has been provided for. The father clearly wanted his daughters to have his ‘stuff’.
@LimpingPigeon I would go round in the first instance with some cake , a large notepad and a charged phone.
Once we had chatted I would say that as executors it’s your legal obligation to execute the terms of your father’s will as he wished and that you were there to take an inventory. I would -if she argues against this- say that she has given away things (the garden stuff) that did not belong to her and that she has broken your trust.
If she gets arsey I would offer to phone the police (who won’t be interested).
Im sick of people getting the shitty end of the stick with regards to parents re marrying and I would be prepared to fight for the things which were legally mine which had value - cash and sentimental value too . I would take with me as much as I could carry too.

The OP doesn’t give any indication that she is ‘penny pinching’ 🙄

As executors, you have a legal duty to take an inventory of everything he owned. Make it clear that you intend to do that thoroughly and ask to arrange a date to do so. Also make it clear that no funds can be released to her until this process is complete.

When you do that inventory, you can just box up and take away the personal effects.

Have you actually asked her for those things though?

Thank you. This is exactly it. Nothing to do with penny pinching. I thought we would all sit down and decide on what should happen to these things. As his wife, we would, of course let her have anything she particularly wanted and take into account her wishes about his clothes and things. What I don't want is for her to unilaterally decide where it should go. It's not hers to give away.

I think I need to be firm with her and do as you suggest and tell her we must make an inventory. I just hate confrontation and bad feeling. I have had a very stressful year for many reasons and can't face the thought of having to fight for things which are legally ours.

Thank you. This is a great idea.

I don’t think an inventory is required of everything especially when there is no probate or IHT. If there were probate, usually the inventory is only of high value items or collections.

I would get legal advice before taking any action.
Household/personal effects certainly covers the gardening tools and his clothes imho.
Executors or relatives don’t have a right to know what a beneficiary of the will does with whatever they are given in the will.
Normally, if your Dad wanted any personal items to go to you, he should have listed them separately and in addition to the general grant of all his effects to his new wife.

I asked her for a small item (literally worth about £10, if that) but was something my mum loved. She was really shocked that I'd asked and carried on as if I'd asked for her car or something. She gave it to me with a lot of huffing and puffing. This was something that was purely ornamental and not something she used or needed.

Haven’t read others replies but I feel you. Similar situation in our family. Stepmother sold precious family belongings for pennies. Huge sentimental value to us but worth very little: it’s gutting. But little you can do I suspect.

Please get legal advice before taking any drastic action.

We had the same situation and ended up buying the jewellery. Legally we could have got it but we really weren’t in the head space to go there. All we asked was that she got a pawn shop to value each thing so we bought it for slightly more and she chose to let her son sort it out. We then gave each piece of jewellery to the person we had assumed would have got in the first place And each of us wears their jewellery daily.

There is probate but we're just under the IHT limits because of the nil rate band transferred from my mum.

I should point out that the will gives her use of the contents for life. She does not have the right to dispose of them.

Our father's will gave us the residue of his estate. This means he did want us to have eventual ownership of these items.

Yes, I saw that. I still advise you get legal advice on what action to take. The advice to simply demand entrance, not list things but box them up and steal them isn’t good advice.

She was a child when her mum died.

What didn't I care about? I don't understand your comment.

That’s a bit harsh!

What does the will say about personal possessions?

It doesn't specifically mention 'personal possessions'. So presumably, any that don't come within the defined 'contents' are within the residue of the estate.

I agree. Generally the will seems to say all his belongings and contents of the house go to the widow. Maybe you need to see a solicitor to see if you are entitled to any of his possessions. It does seem a bit vague.

I’d invite yourself over for a cuppa. Say that you’ve wanted to be patient and give her time because you know she’ll be grieving and of course so were you.

However now it’s time for you all to organise his effects and decide what should go where. You recognise that lots of the contents aren’t of use to her so will help sort them out so they don’t clutter up her home.

Who will be doing the gardening if she’s given away his tools? If they’ve gone to a family member that will keep on top of the garden for her, that’s not so bad.