Child with ASD and family court

[Suchaheadache24]

A bit of background DD7.5 has ASD, processing disorder, dyslexia and a speech disorder. There is currently an order in place made 5yrs ago and 2yrs before her diagnosis of ASD.

DD suffers from anxiety and meltdowns when going to her DF both before and after contact. Now she sees him for half of holidays and I have suggested extra video calls home (more than the one a week suggested by the courts) as DD had stated that she asks to speak to me but that he dad says no. DD suffers from the same anxiety at school and will often ask when I’m collecting her, she also heavily masks, both of which have been noted by professionals. I am currently trying to find ways to reduce DDs anxiety without requesting a reduction in contact.

The issue I am finding is her DF won’t agree to this, won’t engage with professionals to help her cope, and I’ve requested mediation and he has said he will not engage in mediation nor court as it is a waste of time given there’s a court order in place.

Given mine and his past the last process painted me in a bad light, I brought it DV and breached the order, but does that mean I am unable to advocate for my DDs needs and request mediation ?!? Her DF is constantly saying because of my behaviour 5yrs ago no judge is going to look at the case and the my requested are unreasonable. Please bare in mind in these 5yrs I haven’t breached once, have encouraged him to speak to professionals and he has constantly ignored my concerns, not spoken to professionals and even had a unregistered SLT work with our DD without informing me using strategies such as ignore DD is she doesn’t speak in full sentences (this was stated in an email from said professional).

I would talk to a lawyer but you have two options

1. invite him to mediation, when he refuses you can apply to court to vary the order. This may work if you have evidence of her distress at his home and refusal to engage with support for this distress.
2. just don’t send her to his in the holidays. He will obviously then apply to court to enforce the order and you’ll have to justify why.

going back to court does open the floor to anything happening and there is a risk he may accuse you of alienation and ask for daughter to go and live with him.

Hi @Unexpectedlysinglemum , option 2 is certainly not something that I’d be doing. I’ve already requested he engages with mediation but he has refused, pretty much at my wits end.. but I can’t leave things as they’re currently. Just know the judge will be frustrated with this coming back to court, even with the 5yr gap

My ex wife made some very abusive applications in respect of my oldest son that the Court allowed despite the Civil Procedure rules not being followed.

Parents are supposed to act reasonably and if your ex is refusing to engage with professionals than I suggest that so long as you can get evidence then he's on a hiding to nothing

@JohnofWessex I’m sorry I don’t know what you meant by your last paragraph. Only professionals ex verbally refuses to work with are mediators. Other professionals that are involved with DDs care it’s more of an absence, i.e. he hasn’t verbally said he won’t engage in the but even upon me informing him of her struggles and all those involved in her care he still doesn’t contact them.. I have evidence from the professionals of his lack/zero contact and also evidence of me informing him of what is happening over email and text.

The problem is that it will likely come down to your account Vs his. You'll say that's she's distressed whilst at dad, he'll say she's absolutely fine and you're the one causing her anxiety.

She is too young to have her voice heard. Your only option is to go court and see that the judge request a S7, but be prepared that it could go in his favour.

@Passaggressfedup im completely accepting of the fact DD may appear fine while at her DF due to masking which she has been observed doing in school and this is documented. I’m not asking for a decrease in time, just for 3 calls with DD when she is spending 14 nights with her DF. Just so she can see I’m still here, she is fine and she is going to come home. Also that ex engage in social stories shared across households so visually DD can see what is happening.

Your request is not unreasonable.

Book your MIAM - the mediator will try to engage the father, if he refuses, the mediator will sign off for you to apply to court for a variation.

Your child has had a diagnosis since the last order was made and father is being inflexible in adjusting to her needs, refusing mediation, refusing to engage with professionals, and ignoring your concerns - so you have valid reasons to reapply to court.

Five years is a really long time in the life of a 7.5 year old, and babies grow into children with their own voices, and both parents need to adjust, if one refuses, that is when mediators and courts are supposed to be used.

I can guarantee there isn't a single judge who would bat an eyelid at seeing you return after five years, so take no notice of those remarks.

@JustAnotherLawyer2 thank you, his remarks have been playing on my mind but I have booked my MIAM in. Hopefully he’ll go for mediation, right now I think it is unlikely he will he has always been opposed to mediation and stated if he has an issue he’ll just take it straight back to court.

Anyone got an idea on what court would think of one parent refusing mediation because it’s a ‘waste of money’? Also can court push us back into mediation ?

If there was DV involved I don't think court will force mediation

DV was against me @Raineeee, but I am the one initiating mediation as exp won’t listen to me with regard to how DD is before and after contact. I’m not mentioning historic DV again, even though I think how he behaves is still very controlling, because last time in court it was traumatic and rather just focus on what I think DD needs

Alienation has been discredited.

Anxiety is typical of ASD. All the OP is asking for is for her DD to be allowed more calls.

Is the ASD diagnosis by an accredited NICE guideline following assessment, OP?

@ScrollingLeaves yes her assessment and diagnosis was done through the NHS diagnostic team in our local area.. which I assume the NHS follows NICE guidelines.

Ive checked and they do.