Ex not involved - do I still need his permission to take my daughter abroad?

[TheGhostOfYouAndMe]

Just looking for some advice from anyone who's been in a similar situation.

My daughter and I don't share the same surname. I remarried several years ago and took my husband's surname. We've been together for 10 years and he has been in my daughter's life since she was 3 years old.

Her biological father and I are no longer together. He doesn't have any involvement in her life, doesn't pay maintenance, and for the last two years hasn't even sent a birthday or Christmas card. That's his choice and we've made our peace with it.

However, it's got me wondering about future holidays abroad. We live in the UK and if I wanted to take my daughter overseas with my husband, would I need written permission from her father?
I've looked online and the advice seems to vary.
Some places say you need consent from everyone with parental responsibility, others suggest a letter is only needed if you're questioned at the border. Given that we have different surnames and her father isn't involved, I'm not even sure how practical it would be to obtain anything from him.

Has anyone travelled abroad with a child who has a different surname to them? Were you asked for any documentation? Did you take birth certificates, marriage certificates, consent letters, court orders, etc.?

Just trying to understand what the reality is before we start planning anything.

The advice doesnt vary if you look at the government website which is the only one you should be reading and if he is on the bc and you dont have a court order saying you don’t need his permission them yes you need his consent to travel

Any reason you havent changed her name by deed poll? Have you asked courts to give your DH PR?

When I married and was awaiting PR for my then husband, we once went by ferry, I had a border officer come to her window and ask who she was, who i was, who dh was, where was she going. I also carried all our BCs/marriage certificate.etc. 2nd time was an airport with just me and the kids, again she was spoken too and asked similar questions whilst other person checked our passports/BC.

And yet!!!! One year later carrying her new surname, also same surname as my mates took her away and nothing was queried!!!!

It’s technically nothing to do with the surname - kids need permission from everyone will parental responsibility to travel. Individual countries can have different rules or policies or specific forms to fill out.

We were asked coming back from the US if we had the same surname. We did and they didn’t ask anything else. I did have a letter from ex though.

This. My SIL is married and they all have the same surname but her husband took their child abroad to visit family, they were still stopped and questioned at the UK airport, and they called her to confirm she has no objections.

I think it’s just the luck of the draw whether it’s challenged or not.

I’ve taken my children with a different surname abroad numerous times. I do keep a copy of their birth certificates with me I suppose to prove that I’m there mum but have never been asked for them. My children have been asked who I am to them a couple of times but they didn’t ask us to prove the answer or anything

It also depends on the country you are going to. South Africa for example are very strict.

I know this is not what the thread is about-but why in heaven’s name would you change your name so that it was different to your child’s? That just seems bonkers!

Yes that was my thought too. Surely it’s better to have the same name as your child rather than your husband.

I have never been asked to prove consent, but once I had an emergency WhatsApp message from XH that he’d been stopped at the border and could I confirm I was happy for him to take ds out of the country. I replied almost instantly and all was fine.

If you wouldn’t get a fast answer to such a message then your holiday might be ruined.

Official you do. You could apply for a residency order to the court which meant you wouldn't need to.

In practice, borders rarely ask, especially with older children. My husband travelled back home with my son from a previous marriage and my daughter's best friend. No need to say all all different names, no 'mother', arriving late at night and no one cared or asked anything. On the way out, it was 3 kids, two adults, 4 different names on passport!

The exact rules for entering different countries varies. And technically, to take a child out of this country requires permission. However, last time I checked this, what was interesting is that the UK Government does not specify what that permission looks like and certainly, in my experience, they accept "implied" permission. My personal experience is that in the UK, they only ever seem to ask questions on the way back, which i find weird. I have been asked a couple of times on arrival in other countries, and have had to produce a birth certificate, but it's not normally a problem.

Having said that, I've always travelled knowing that they could contact DH very easily and/or that we could prove we live together as a family very easily. In your case, I would seriously consider getting a court order. I'm not sure what they're called, but there's a specific type that gives legal responsibility to the resident/primary parent. And I don't think tye're super quick and easy so do it now in case you need it at some point in the future.

South Africa, Botswana yes even with the same surname. I’ve also taken my kids to other countries I’ve never been asked. Best to find out though about that particular country

Technically YES but whether you are actually queried tends to vary. As some have said on this thread SA is usually strict (but I’m told they are less so nowadays).

To the person who asked about changing daughters name, dads permission would also be needed there.

The only time we were stopped was coming back into England.
DP, his DS, me and my DD, we all had different surnames, I said "blended family" and we were waved through, I was so glad they didn't ask on the way out, we had no letters or anything, we hadn't given it a thought.

It’s not always asked for at borders but yes you can be asked either leaving the uk or entering another country. It’s less likely if she’s over 12 because you can use the e gates mostly but could happen. My dd got asked when I was travelling alone with her and she was 17 (country we were entering is 18 for adult passports)

This. I've taken ds to Spain, Portugal, Greece and France, via Eurostar and on planes. We've never been stopped.

The school has taken him to Italy, Germany and France with only my signature, again no issues.

Been going abroad 16 years and never once been asked same father not in his life apart from first month of his life.. different surnames always took his birthday certificate just incase..he has now just changed to my surname as he can legally change himself now

My son's Dad has taken him abroad 4 times without me and he didn't have to provide anything showing he has my permission

I took dc when they were under 10, I have my surname, eldest dc who was about 10 at the time had his dad surname, younger who was 5 has double barrelled of me and now exdp. So 4 different surnames. We weren't asked.

I've never asked permission from either my ex husband nor my husband when I've taken the kids anywhere.
Only once was it nearly an issue, and that was on the ferry to France. They still let us travel.

I did write a permission letter when my mum took the kids away though

I changed my name back after I got divorced because I didn’t want my ex-husband’s name. My DC kept it because it was their own name and they were used to it. It’s completely normal, Don’t see how that is hard to understand 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, I have travelled many times with my DC on passports with different names and have never been asked for proof. However we did get stopped travelling with my now DH and our combined DC due to the range of different surnames- they asked the relationship between us all, we explained, and they waved us through.

its luck of the draw if you get asked or not

the rules are clear that anyone with parental respond has to provide written consent

if he was refusing you could take to court for a lives with order and that allows you up to 28 days without requesting individual permission each time

TBH since you haven’t got anything booked yet and you have time I would apply for a lives with order and then it’s done then and you don’t have to stress about it for every holiday