Would court consider an 11-year-old's request to change their surname?

[OneHardyRobin]

Hoping for some advice from anyone who has changed (or tried to change) their child’s surname.

My 11yo DD wants to change her surname from her dads to mine. I’ve explained to her a few times that you have to be 16 to do this and if she feels the same then, she can do so, but she’s talking about it more often and recently becoming quite upset (almost distressed) about it.

I think her reasons for wanting to change it are valid, however her dad would never agree so I would have to make an application to the court, but from what I can see online, it looks like they probably won’t allow it because they consider her “fathers” name a huge part of her identity.

My DC hasnt seen her dad for over two years now. We had a CAO in place before that and she was spending weekends with him, however due to concerns around her safety and emotional abuse I applied for a revised order to reduce the amount of time she was spending with him/supervise it, however the court felt it necessary to stop all in person contact completely. He’s supposed to write to her regularly, but never has. Her view is that he’s done nothing to fight for her (get help for his behaviour that he can demonstrate to the court) and she’s so angry with him and hurt. She says she hates hearing his name and it makes her sad and angry when she thinks of it because it makes her think of him. She doesn’t want to share a name with a family that doesn’t care about her or that she’s not a part of (they’ve all stepped back from her). She feels that my side are her family and she wants the same name as us.

If I were to apply to the court, would they consider her mature enough and allow it? She is very articulate and has had a lot of therapy so is able to express her feelings well. I feel that her reasons are justified and that I should support her by opening this door for her to try, but I don’t want to get her hopes up and then let her down if they no.

Hi, I'm a family solicitor, have dealt with similar matters before. Difficult to say at age 11 to be honest. Her wishes and feelings will hold weight but not as much as if she were, say 13-15. Obviously at 16 it's up to her.

I think the fact that dad has no direct or indirect contact with her will go quite far in her favour. Although the court does generally say both parents' names should be represented (not just dad's), I think if dad did try to argue this he would be in difficulty given he doesn't even write to her.

I was in a very similar situation with my DS. My children’s father was abusive, we had a NMO for two years when they were toddlers, supervised contact for a year after that, then very sporadic contact after that. He subsequently developed cancer and died when our children were tween/teen age.

DS adopted my surname some years back. He was insistent all through his teens that he wanted my surname and all through school adopted and used my surname. He insisted (and continues to insist) that he doesn’t care about his Dad. His Dad’s family also cut off all contact with my children after he died.

However, I never changed his name legally as I was always aware that he was a child and may change his mind.

Fast forward to now, and he’s late teens and applying for a new college. Without any fanfare or fuss, he told me he’d like to enrol under his Dad’s surname, as ‘it’s my proper surname’. He still insists he has no interest in his Dad, but has also got to 18 and just decided he doesn’t actually want to legally change his name.

I’d keep your daughter’s options open to be honest. However sure she is now, she’s still only a fairly young child, and may well change her mind over the years as she matures and her perspective on things changes.

if she still feels the same as a young adult, then she can make any legal changes she wants to. But I’d give her the space to be certain at an age when she is more sure of her own mind.

Good luck whatever happens - I know it’s not easy