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Police response to alleged breaches of non-molestation and occupation orders

23 replies

Iristhebutterfly · 18/05/2026 20:54

NMO breaches

Has anyone reported breaches of NMO/OO to the police, and if so what was their response?

My ex was removed from the family home 8 months ago and both of these are in place. The orders say he cannot message me other than for making video call arrangements for the children, and say he is not allowed to return to the home for any reason.

Neither of us are legally represented and we have no third party for communication, so it hasn't been realistic to have zero communication but I don''t know how much is reasonable. I have had to message him several times to e.g. to get consent to take the children on holiday, and to check he agreed with school choices as he still has PR, and to get a carseat out of his car that I needed.

He on the other hand has sent me over 80 messages in this time about various things, things like what kids want for presents, asking for photos of them, but also multiple long messages about cms (he isn't paying what he is meant to so I am having to take it to tribunal), saying he will only start paying the correct amount if I take out of official channels and don't backdate it, and multiple messages about mortgage payments as he cancelled the joint payment without asking me, or telling me to take his cat to the vets, and multiple messages about collecting belongings which he left (I said it was fine for a family member to collect and asked they message me directly but he refused and sent more irrelevant messages). To me a lot of these feel unneccessary and not essential communication and a lot of the messages are long and manipulative. I am filled with dread every time another message comes through.

He has also returned to the house several times to collect post from outside or drop presents off outside which is against the OO.

In addition to this when he left on the OO he had left the house in the most unimaginable state. Basically totally uninhabitable. Boxes and bags and rubbish piled up everywhere, broken glass at the front etc (he had initially been allowed to move into the garden outbuilding by the court which had been completely full of a whole house load of belongings and furniture). He left boxes of my posessions in the garden where things like irreplaceable photos got destroyed in the rain. The NMO says he cannot interfere with/damage my property. This was all reported to the police who said as I couldn't prove the property damage was intentional then it wasn't a breach, and they didn't agree that the state he had left the property in constituted harrassment.

Following this he got various workmen to repeatedly enter the house for him with a key. They did this 20-30 times and I had a camera set up in the garden where they can be seen. He got them to take building materials through the house for him, carry a sofa bed through, as well as spy on me and the children and take photos and videos to feedback to him about things like where me and the children were sleeping. Men sometimes let themselves into the house when me and the children were there, and when I asked them to leave they laughed and refused, and I was then accused of being 'hostile' and 'unstable'. I had the locks changed and this was all reported to the police. They again couldn't seem to care less and did nothing, and seemed to think that as he retains partial ownership of the house that he has the right to get anyone else to enter on his behalf despite the NMO/OO.

Over this time he also made false reports to social services about me claiming the children are neglected, and got one of the men who had been entering the house on his behalf to write a false statement making up all sorts of awful things. Fortunately SS did not take any of it seriously, said I was being a protective parent and closed the case. He made false reports to the police telling them that I am psychotic and mentally unstable, and made false reports to the RSPCA claiming the family cat is 'skinny and neglected' and that I leave him for long periods and don't feed him, so an RSPCA officer also turned up one day which was very harrassing (obviously they closed the case straight away when they saw a well looked after cat). He also tried telling my GP and the court that I am mentally unstable and the court made me provide a letter about my mental health as a result (I have zero mental health problems).

I reported all the events to family court at the next hearing but they also initially were not bothered by this behaviour and allowed him to continue to live in the garden. Only when CAFCASS raised a 16A referral did another judge actually take it seriously and order him off the premises entirely. CAFCASS expressly said in their letter to the court that he is breaching his NMO and getting men to report back to him about me and the children.

The NMO also says he cannot post online about me. Despite this he has made comments in various parental alienation and fathers' groups that imply I am alienating and abusive, seen by several mutual friends. He also tried to advertise online to get a journalist to attend a hearing with him.

I am at a loss as to know what the purpose of an NMO is if all of this is allowed to just happen by the police and family courts with one in place. Has anyone actually had a breach of an NMO taken seriously by the police and if so what did they do? I don't know whether to ask them to look at the case again or make a complaint about how it has been handled or even write to my MP, or whether that is not worth my energy. The orders expire in a few months and I hate to think how much more he will do then.

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 19/05/2026 05:55

Sorry , don’t know about the legal side but this sounds horrendous.

JohnofWessex · 19/05/2026 08:08

I would start by trying to get legal aid as a victim of domestic abuse

Try contacting Womens Aid or local DV services for assistance with this

Iristhebutterfly · 19/05/2026 21:21

JohnofWessex · 19/05/2026 08:08

I would start by trying to get legal aid as a victim of domestic abuse

Try contacting Womens Aid or local DV services for assistance with this

I don't qualify for any legal aid, but can't afford a solicitor. I have had an IDVA for the past year but they haven't been overly involved since the orders were put in place. Just wondering about others experiences of reporting breaches and which ones the police actually took seriously.

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Elise89 · 20/05/2026 13:19

Hiya, all of my ex's breaches have been taken seriously, as in he was convicted of them. He's only had fines in terms of punishment, but at least he has criminal convictions. I think perhaps the difference is that my NMO says he's not allowed to contact me or our son at all, so the terms are very clear. Any time he sends a single text or tries to call I report it to the police. Maybe next time you're at family court ask for the terms to be amended so it's clear what is and is not a breach. It's not easy though and I'm sorry you're going through this x

Iristhebutterfly · 20/05/2026 18:17

Elise89 · 20/05/2026 13:19

Hiya, all of my ex's breaches have been taken seriously, as in he was convicted of them. He's only had fines in terms of punishment, but at least he has criminal convictions. I think perhaps the difference is that my NMO says he's not allowed to contact me or our son at all, so the terms are very clear. Any time he sends a single text or tries to call I report it to the police. Maybe next time you're at family court ask for the terms to be amended so it's clear what is and is not a breach. It's not easy though and I'm sorry you're going through this x

That's good to know. I think it may be a problem with our local police force, they just don't seem to take these things seriously. My order clearly says he cannot contact me other than to make video call arrangements for the children.

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Jellybunny98 · 20/05/2026 18:19

I think the problem with making things more specific is that you’re also communicating with him about things outside of video calls re children. Could you start using a parenting app instead? Is there anyone who can act as a third party at all?

PrincessofWells · 20/05/2026 18:24

Op make a formal complaint about their refusal to act. Do this through formal channels with dates of incidents, when reported by you and the police response and outcome.

I.e. 20th January, man in house given key by ex, he took photographs of me. - reported to police on x date. Outcome - no action. Etc . . .

Iristhebutterfly · 20/05/2026 21:25

Jellybunny98 · 20/05/2026 18:19

I think the problem with making things more specific is that you’re also communicating with him about things outside of video calls re children. Could you start using a parenting app instead? Is there anyone who can act as a third party at all?

We are only using Appclose. He has kept messaging me on that about things like easter eggs, birthdays, mortgage, wanting to come and collect things, post, not wanting me to take him to CMS tribunal etc. There is no third party, I suggested his cousin as that is the only family member he hasn't cut all contact with but he wouldn't let me have the cousins number. I realise I have had to message him about other things but the court order says he retains PR and has to be involved in decisions on schooling and foreign travel etc, so with no third party I had to message him directly. Which is far from ideal.

OP posts:
Iristhebutterfly · 20/05/2026 21:41

PrincessofWells · 20/05/2026 18:24

Op make a formal complaint about their refusal to act. Do this through formal channels with dates of incidents, when reported by you and the police response and outcome.

I.e. 20th January, man in house given key by ex, he took photographs of me. - reported to police on x date. Outcome - no action. Etc . . .

Thanks yes I think I will have to make a formal complaint, and also write to my MP. It is all so exhausting. I waited 4 months for them thinking they were coming to take a statement from me then they just closed the case. Some of the comments on the police disclosure for the court are awful such as an inspector documenting "Additionally there is no evidence from the victim that she has been substantially affected in any way. Yes, an unpleasant marriage, but nothing more than that".

No evidence i.e.they never bothered to come and take a statement or look at any evidence. They knew I had made a 999 call in tears a few months before about him, had fled the house with the kids and gone into hiding when they first spoke to me, I was very distressed and frightened and signed off work for 6 weeks... and am still very much traumatised 10 months on. How they can claim I haven't been substantially affected is ludricous. Not to mention we were never married...

Apparently regularly being called a c*t, fing sociopath, locking me in the garden, banning me from part of the house, threatening me, joking about getting me killed, throwing things at me, smashing things up like the door and throwing mugs across the room, pushing me, blocking my exit from rooms, telling me what I can wear, who I can contact, getting men to spy on me etc is currently what is considered 'an unpleasant marriage but nothing more than that' by the police in this country.

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Iristhebutterfly · 20/05/2026 21:45

Thanks though this only applies where they have interviewed a suspect. Despite reporting the above, both the original domestic abuse and the breaches of NMO/OO they never even interviewed him. I made 3 separate police reports.

OP posts:
Shittyyear2025 · 20/05/2026 21:49

No idea about the nmo but can you apply for a residence order so you don't have to contact home about holidays? I did this some years ago due to similar fuckery from my ex and I didn't need to get his permission for holidays abroad. Might take some of the power back. You can apply directly to court I believe.

PrincessofWells · 20/05/2026 22:01

Iristhebutterfly · 20/05/2026 21:41

Thanks yes I think I will have to make a formal complaint, and also write to my MP. It is all so exhausting. I waited 4 months for them thinking they were coming to take a statement from me then they just closed the case. Some of the comments on the police disclosure for the court are awful such as an inspector documenting "Additionally there is no evidence from the victim that she has been substantially affected in any way. Yes, an unpleasant marriage, but nothing more than that".

No evidence i.e.they never bothered to come and take a statement or look at any evidence. They knew I had made a 999 call in tears a few months before about him, had fled the house with the kids and gone into hiding when they first spoke to me, I was very distressed and frightened and signed off work for 6 weeks... and am still very much traumatised 10 months on. How they can claim I haven't been substantially affected is ludricous. Not to mention we were never married...

Apparently regularly being called a c*t, fing sociopath, locking me in the garden, banning me from part of the house, threatening me, joking about getting me killed, throwing things at me, smashing things up like the door and throwing mugs across the room, pushing me, blocking my exit from rooms, telling me what I can wear, who I can contact, getting men to spy on me etc is currently what is considered 'an unpleasant marriage but nothing more than that' by the police in this country.

Yep, it's appalling - the police need calling out on it everytime, only then might it get better.

Iristhebutterfly · 21/05/2026 06:55

Shittyyear2025 · 20/05/2026 21:49

No idea about the nmo but can you apply for a residence order so you don't have to contact home about holidays? I did this some years ago due to similar fuckery from my ex and I didn't need to get his permission for holidays abroad. Might take some of the power back. You can apply directly to court I believe.

There is a final hearing coming up and I very much hope I get a lives with order at that. They wouldn't grant an interim one despite him having no direct contact currently, hence me having to get written consent from him during the NMO

OP posts:
catslave23 · 21/05/2026 07:41

I think the issue here is that some contact is allowed so there is a grey area and it makes it hard to enforce.
Firstly move all communication onto a court approved app. You do generally have to pay but it's not loads. That way you have everything in an evidential way.
Do the children really need video contact with him? Does he see them?
I would look to formalise contact arrangements and stop with the video calls etc and just have a no contact order.
He can use the court app to arrange his days / handover child related info but thats it.

Hibernationistheplan · 21/05/2026 07:43

It sounds like you do need to complain. I would suggest making a list of all the clear breaches that you have evidence of and asking for them to be properly investigated.

RoseField1 · 21/05/2026 07:48

catslave23 · 21/05/2026 07:41

I think the issue here is that some contact is allowed so there is a grey area and it makes it hard to enforce.
Firstly move all communication onto a court approved app. You do generally have to pay but it's not loads. That way you have everything in an evidential way.
Do the children really need video contact with him? Does he see them?
I would look to formalise contact arrangements and stop with the video calls etc and just have a no contact order.
He can use the court app to arrange his days / handover child related info but thats it.

She has already said they are using app close and the contact is directed within current court proceedings so yes she has to allow it and she is already formalising contact.

andweallsingalong · 21/05/2026 07:54

Agree with the above.

Also, try and be a bit clearer when you communicate with the police. You shouldn't have to, but try it.

"There is a non mol in place prohibiting all but essential contact about the children. He has breached this by sending 80 messages this month via the parenting app and sending people to my home. This makes me feel scared and harassed."

Rather than.

"I'm ok with some contact because we don't have a 3rd party, but it seems excessive, what do you think?"

Do you see the difference ?

Iristhebutterfly · 21/05/2026 21:21

catslave23 · 21/05/2026 07:41

I think the issue here is that some contact is allowed so there is a grey area and it makes it hard to enforce.
Firstly move all communication onto a court approved app. You do generally have to pay but it's not loads. That way you have everything in an evidential way.
Do the children really need video contact with him? Does he see them?
I would look to formalise contact arrangements and stop with the video calls etc and just have a no contact order.
He can use the court app to arrange his days / handover child related info but thats it.

The video calls are court ordered for three times a week so I have no option. All contact is via appclose. He doesn't see them currently but there is a final hearing coming up and I suspect he is currently going to get lots more contact as the judge has decided to ignore all of the domestic abuse. Family court seem to be just as bad as the police at sweeping it all under the carpet

OP posts:
Iristhebutterfly · 21/05/2026 21:26

andweallsingalong · 21/05/2026 07:54

Agree with the above.

Also, try and be a bit clearer when you communicate with the police. You shouldn't have to, but try it.

"There is a non mol in place prohibiting all but essential contact about the children. He has breached this by sending 80 messages this month via the parenting app and sending people to my home. This makes me feel scared and harassed."

Rather than.

"I'm ok with some contact because we don't have a 3rd party, but it seems excessive, what do you think?"

Do you see the difference ?

Yes thanks. They do have copies of the NMO. And I have told them I feel harrassed and unsafe. They seemed to think it was ok for him to allow others to access the home as he still owns some of it.

OP posts:
HoldMyWine · 21/05/2026 22:13

Does your NMO have a power of arrest specified? If not then the police can’t do anything. The breaches need to be reported to the civil court. You’d be better off going to the police and getting him done for harassment .

andweallsingalong · 21/05/2026 22:59

Do speak to your IDVA for support, she will have been through this many times before and be able to add weight to your voice.

Iristhebutterfly · 22/05/2026 06:12

HoldMyWine · 21/05/2026 22:13

Does your NMO have a power of arrest specified? If not then the police can’t do anything. The breaches need to be reported to the civil court. You’d be better off going to the police and getting him done for harassment .

Yes it does have power of arrest.

OP posts:
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