Defence raising old intimate account in Crown Court abuse case

[Amanda1980x]

I’m currently involved in an ongoing case against my ex-partner after I tried to leave the abusive relationship and he strangled me and left me for dead, luckily someone found me and called for help . The case is the crown vs him and I as a witness. It is due to go to Crown Court soon. He was my first partner after a 16 year marriage that ended amicably . During the relationship, we briefly had a very small private/adult-type account together I guess I tried to impress him and his fantasies . it was deactivated after a year or so with less than 10 other people ever viewing l it.

Recently, the defence have been pushing to ask me questions about the account and I’ve become extremely anxious that my ex is now going to claim he was unaware of it or didn’t consent, which is absolutely not true. It was so embarrassing the officers presented me with all screenshots of the account and the officer dealing with the case has apologised he has had to ask - said he finds the issue unusual and has pushed back for months but because the defence kept pushing it they cps said to ask me about it.

I think what’s upsetting me most is that I now feel like the focus has somehow shifted onto me (amongst the embarrassment) and I’m terrified of being falsely accused of doing something wrong when I know the account only existed during the relationship and was never used afterwards and 100% consensual if anything more encouraged by him.

Has anyone experienced anything similar where an ex has tried to bring up unrelated/intimate things during a court process? I feel constantly on edge waiting for updates and I’m really struggling with the anxiety of not knowing where this is going. My ex is a very wealthy man and did threaten me after bail that he would go to the end of the earth to ruin me if I spoke to police.

No, I have no experience of this, but I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you nail this bastard.

Surely what you say is that he instigated it and you felt pressurised into acting out his fantasies to please him. Reading between the lines this is what happened.

Unfortunately this is the defence's job. They will try to turn anything they can against you, make the judge doubt your character to weaken your case and to mitigate his awful actions. It's shit but it isn't personal.

If you can. Try to find evidence that any of it (or anything similar) was instigated by him. Any messages between you mentioning the account or the content. Any surviving video where he is clearly aware of the camera etc etc. even things like him buying the recording equipment or the account being in his name will help even if you can't directly prove it. It will sound good in court if it comess to that.

The above is all preparation for the worst which may not happen. Prepping for that may help with your anxiety now. Otherwise listen to your legal team. Stay calm when questioned.

Ultimately remember that his crime is indefensible and everything else is them scrabbling around trying to find something to cling onto and reduce his punishment, as this is their job as his lawyers. It's filthy work, trying to discredit the victim but that is what they do.

Don't forget you are amazing and he's a shit. I hope his legal team feel dirty dealing with him.

I really would get this removed. This is an ongoing case and the chances are you will be identified and, albeit this is an "anonymous forum", because of the case, you will easily be recognised.

Good luck.

The defence are hoping that they can scare you off. They can only use evidence that is relevant. If he’s assaulted you, the account is very unlikely to be relevant. If he’s claims that you consented, based on your posts, you may be asked about it but you may not.

At this stage, the defence are just gathering information. There’s a difference between having the information and being allowed to use it.

Try not to worry. It’s simply him trying to bully and control you again. You’re stronger than him and you can do this. Don’t withdraw and let him win. Do ask for an IDVA, if you haven’t got one.

Thank you but my fear is that he is going to be the one that says he didn’t consent as the account was in my name but it was an entirely mutual thing if anything I did it because it turned him on. I was the one that would access it from my phone. He used to smash my phone up so frequently I went through so many iCloud accounts. I have absolutely nothing on my phone from this period . it could be that they are just doing this to scare me and the police said they have known about this for many many months but pushed back however CPS has now changed their mind and said it can be asked. This is why I’m going on a tangent as to where they are going with this if it’s just to make me out to be a bad person then so be it if that’s all they have against me but my theory is I am going to be faced with more corpse proceedings and is somehow being flipped to me if he makes up lies and says he was blissfully unaware.

I’m on my phone and can’t pm. Not sure I can really help but have a few thoughts of things for you to look at.

As suggested you may need to delete this thread?

Oh dear God, they're going to try and use "breath play" or some such fantasy bollocks, to explain the strangulation? 😡 Because of course we all fantasise about being asphyxiated and left for dead.
Stand firm. You have done nothing wrong. He is the abuser here. You opened an account and went along with it because you wanted to please him at the time. You did not consent to him strangling you/trying to kill you on [x] date and no previous acted-out fantasies or written out fictional fantasies mean future consent can be "taken as a given". That is what they will smear you with but it is simply not how consent works.
Hope you get through this and get a conviction. X

Thank you for your reply. I didn’t consider that was what they may do , my mind went straight to he was going to try and play victim that he was unaware of the account and I violated his privacy unbeknownst to him . Which would be a lie . Thank you for this it has added something else to the theory as my mind has been searching where they could go with this

Was told as I’m no longer in danger I don’t need an idva. I think my fear was more that they will somehow spin this on me and say I did this without his knowledge and end up him the victim!

I'm going to third deleting with an on-going case, or at least getting advice on this sort of post from your contact in the CPS.

Prior to the case going to court, you should have someone discuss with you what you're likely to face from the defence. They can give you support and clearer understanding. If they don't bring it up to you, ask - get as much preparation as you can. Cross examination can be very rough, but you shouldn't be having anything entirely unexpected as they should ensure you're aware roughly of what the defence is. If at any point it gets too much, ask for a break. It's normal and common.

They will try to turn anything they can against you, make the judge doubt your character to weaken your case and to mitigate his awful actions. It's shit but it isn't personal.

As it's a Crown Court case, the defence is trying to create doubt in the jury, not the judge. Judges will have their opinion, but it won't be relevant to whether he is found guilty.

It'll be less mitigation at this stage, and more putting his case forward. He's likely either going to be claiming it never happened or that it's an exaggeration of a consensual act, with either case pushing that she's a fantasist, based on what's been written by the OP.

Was told as I’m no longer in danger I don’t need an idva.

Witness Services through Victim Support should still be available (depending on locations, I know parts of London have a different system) and have a lot of experience with this. You'll likely get special measures like screens so you don't need to see him or anyone in the public gallery and they can't see you, and the court ushers will be on hand to support you.

IDVAs can be great support, though the feedback I've had on them is hit and miss and the support they give is for outside of court. In court, they usually can't do more than any other member of the public. It can still be worth pushing for that support if you feel you need it.

Thank you ever so much for this detailed and very informative message. I think it just really hit me as it was many years ago we had this account and also it’s extremely embarrassing - my worry was that he would say he was completely unaware of the account we very much mutually had and then somehow turn his attempted murder case to him being a victim and me being some private photo leaking criminal. I am a very boring person usually so there will be little to go on but this was massively out of my comfort zone to have this brought up was horrendous and I just didn’t know why they brought this up . Thank you again. I really appreciate you

You know it was consensual and I don't think a jury would believe him saying it wasn't.

You need to make it plain it was driven by his fantasies and not even really your cup of tea, but went along with it as he kept saying it would be a turn on. And at that stage you were willing but now you can see it was part of his coercion.

Thanks billie yes I was completely honest about the account and said I did it to please him. I have just told the truth and I hope the truth outweighs if he is to lie or plead victim to something he was fully aware on and encouraged .

Criminal lawyer here. You need to delete this and not discuss evidence with strangers

Thanks for your input. I understand the concern, but I’m only asking general advice on a forum for legal matters - i haven’t shared any identifying or evidential detail.

Experts are telling you to delete the thread.

@Amanda1980x please get @mumsnet to delete this (and your other thread). I speak from experience with similar hearings.