Can my son's father seek increased contact after assault conviction?

[RoeDeer86]

I’d like some advice, please. My son sees his father for two hours supervised contact a month, plus a 30 minute video call (so one face to face and one virtual contact a month).

Father served a 22 month prison sentence for assaulting our son when he was 8 weeks old. He had 11 months in custody and 11 months on licence, all of which concluded in 2024. Thankfully our son seems to have made a full physical recovery but I can’t ever shake the fact that he could’ve killed him.

This contact has been ongoing as above since our son was around 18 months old (with the exception of when he was in prison). We went through the court process several years ago and I have sole custody our son under a child arrangements order; so he lives with me but has supervised contact (by paternal grandmother) with his father. My mum also attends at my request as an extra pair of eyes.

Around a year ago he asked for the contact with our son to be increased and I refused, though he did challenge this and ask what my reasons were. I heard nothing about it again until now. The first time he asked for increased contact he asked for my mum not to go on contact. I send my mum to contact as an extra pair of eyes because of what he did to our son. The Court granted paternal grandmother supervision responsibilities but it’s my job to keep our son safe and I don’t attend the contact! I’ll never fully trust Paternal grandmother because she doesn’t think what her son did to my son was his fault , they push the contact to the absolute maximum (max 2 hours and they always go slightly over) and the first time they went on contact she put them in the back of the car together (when the Order states the contact is in a public place), but I can’t go against what is ordered by the Court and that is that she supervises. So I send my mum and that reassures me.

The final court order makes provision for the arrangements to change subject to my agreement and the local authority either saying they don’t need to be involved, or agreeing to the changes. The local authority said they don’t envisage contact increases being in my son’s best interests in the short or medium term (from the order in 2021). I contacted the LA about this the first time and they basically said I can refuse and he’d have to seek an assessment from them/own legal advice. They wouldn’t give me any indication as to whether they’d support an increase in contact or not.

I feel sick to my stomach that this man thinks he’s served his sentence and that absolves him of his crimes. He’s never said sorry for what he did to our son, or showed any remorse. Does anyone have any advice or been through similar? Things have been as amicable as possible and he’s chosen the dates for contact that suit him, I’ve been as flexible as possible with it all. I don’t think he’ll ever be safe to be unsupervised around our son, but I feel like this is the start of asking for more and more time and increasing the risk. Do fathers who injure their children actually get away Scot-free in the long term? I don’t want to agree to more time and increase the risk, in my eyes.

If I say no again, I know he can take it to Court but I’m terrified they will grant it or potentially give him more time.

Thank you for reading.

Simple answer, let him take it to court, and yes they might grant it. All you can do is say no. When your son is old enough to have a voice, around 8, his opinion will carry a lot of weight, but it will still be up to the judge to decide. I'm sorry this happened

I’m absolutely gobsmacked that he’s allowed any contact at all ok. We have a family member whos father attacked him as a baby. He served time in prison. Child’s mother got this scum bags parental rights removed AND a lifetime restraining order!

Thank you both for your comments. His solicitor at the time had a clause written into the Order that we could agree further time without it needing to go back to Court, but I was very vulnerable at the time so I didn’t contest it. The LA did say they didn’t envisage this being in my son’s best interests in the short or medium term. When he asked for increased contact last year they were incredibly unhelpful when I contacted them and basically just said I either agree or don’t!

I fought tooth and nail to keep my son and I never harmed him. And when I say tooth and nail, I mean it. I could’ve lost him and they were considering giving him to a relative during the proceedings. I had to be supervised for a year and had to move out of the family home and travel daily across cities to see my son. Underwent drug testing (all clean), psychology reports, the works. I’d do it all again and more to protect and keep my son but what maddens me is that he not only still sees him, he asks for more and not once has shown any contrition that he could’ve killed him.

You’ve been horrendously let down! Stop contact and jet him take you to court. You’ve plenty of evidence as to why he shouldn’t have contact with your child. I can’t see a judge actually siding with him but I could be wrong. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this x

Thank you so much. Sadly he’s been having supervised contact for so long now and nothing’s happened, I don’t have any grounds to stop contact. I suppose all I can do is fight it in court if he takes it back. Just terrified a Judge will grant him more time because, despite what he did, he still got supervised contact at the time x

The current contact is court ordered. Stopping it unilaterally is unlikely to go well for OP.

Yes he could very well get more time and even unsupervised unfortunately . But I hope he doesn't. But a court will always go by ' it's a child's right to have a relationship with both parents' which isn't always suitable I know.
I hope you get things sorted op

Thanks for your comment. Surely a child’s safety comes first? It’s not like he doesn’t get any time with him and he’s an absolute risk given what he’s done in the past

Isn't this the assumption that has recently changed? That parental rights can be withdrawn and it is not always in the interests of a child to have contact with a parent.

another one here saying say no and let him go to court.

Am also amazed he got granted contact in the first place.

@socialdilemmawhattodo thank you for this. I read about this just now but I don’t know if the law relates to children that are now outside of court proceedings? In my view, my son still has a relationship with his father and sees him. He has the absolute propensity to cause harm and has no idea how to handle him alone. I have no doubt that unsupervised, this could happen again (albeit my son is now 6 going on 7, but still vulnerable).

@Onadark thank you. I do wonder if our case had happened later down the line, if things would have been viewed differently. I wish I’d fought it more at the time, but I was woefully powerless and paternal grandmother was living at my house to care for my son at night (whilst I was under supervision and not allowed to live at home) and I was terrified to rock the boat in any way and potentially lose my son. I still read the psychologist’s report of his father and shudder at his analysis of him, it’s utterly damning.

The law changed recently and this is no longer the case

Oh possibly. I wasn't aware. Please ignore my original post then :)

Just keep saying no and see if he takes you to court.

things are supposed to have changed recently so you just have to hope a judge will not grant unsupervised.

Thanks everyone. I’d hope they would still consider the psychologist’s report that he was highly unlikely to ever change. It’s a shame the law changing didn’t happen when we were going through the court process as maybe it would have been viewed differently. Even without the risk of harm he doesn’t know how to handle him and that in itself would pose a terrible risk to his safety. There’s so little consideration to how families manage these situations when the authorities go away.

Supervised contact is a relationship. Do not stop this. If he asks for more, go to court and get a good solicitor. Not one that isn’t wholly on your side! They should not agree to woolly arrangements.

Say no and let him take you to court.

Do not change the supervision arrangements, they aren’t preventing a relationship being formed.

Write EVERYTHING down - the going into the car, running over time, any communication with you, everything.

Start saving for a shit hot lawyer. You can’t fight the system but you can win within the system.

Have you had support from Women’s Aid, etc? Be worth engaging with a service: this is a continuation of abuse.

Do you think he personally wants more contact or is it coming from the grandmother?

Let him take you to court OP. Do not agree to any changes.

If he does do this, there will be another section 7. Cafcass/children services will get your sons views and the impact of contact on him etc. they will listen to him. The presumption of contact being best no longer exists. Particularly when a parent has harmed a child.

My kids are older but I was granted a no contact order for them(he can’t even write to them because contact cannot be made safe in any form). It’s possible. Evidence + being open and honest with professionals is the best advice I can give you.

Nothings happened BECAUSE it’s supervised! No advise sorry apart from try and keep it out of court if you can to avoid him getting more

Thanks for your comment. I meant that nothing has happened in the sense that I can only stop contact with him if I have just cause.

Thank you for your comment. Do you know if there’s a specific age they take the child’s views into account? DS will be 7 in August. I have every intention of being open and honest and all I want to do is protect my son. I can’t trust his father as far as I can throw him.

Thank you for your comment. Do you know if there’s a specific age they take the child’s views into account? DS will be 7 in August. I have every intention of being open and honest and all I want to do is protect my son. I can’t trust his father as far as I can throw him.

She definitely has a hand in this. She’s upset because I haven’t allowed her to collect my son from school. This request doesn’t come as a surprise given that she ambushed me again recently demanding to know why she isn’t allowed to collect him. She sees my son every week without fail but my mum is always there and she hates that. I don’t trust her because she blames me for what her son did to my son and thinks he couldn’t help it. But the Court appointed her as supervisor, despite me telling the LA that she doesn’t blame him, despite me asking for both her and my mum to supervise. She’s incredibly controlling and manipulative. But the Court granted her the supervisor, so I’m stuck.

Thank you for this. Yes, I’ve always kept a log of concerns but I intend to make this more specific and will ask for my mum’s help with this as she attends the contact.

Sadly I don’t earn much so saving is quite tricky, but I’ll try.

He was never accused of DV (although the court documented episodes of violence from him towards me) and his requests are very carefully worded (albeit with no contrition) so I doubt it would be viewed as abuse - or do you mean towards my son?