Hi all, I’m really hoping for some calm, practical perspectives because I feel completely overwhelmed and can’t think straight anymore.
I built several businesses from scratch over many years, they were my work, my team and my income and at their peak they were generating millions. My ex is a 50/50 shareholder/director on paper but I was the one running everything day to day.
When the marriage broke down it was extremely traumatic and I had a very serious mental health crisis. I’m diagnosed bipolar, ADHD and autistic and I completely lost financial capacity for about a year – I simply couldn’t function or work in the way I had before. During that time the businesses unravelled and they are now insolvent on paper. Financially things have got so bad for me that I’ve had to apply for Universal Credit.
The situation between us is very high conflict and there is no trust at all. It often feels like the aim is to cause as much damage as possible rather than resolve anything sensibly, and there have been constant threats and public things said which has had a huge impact on my health. Neither of us can afford a solicitor.
We are now in total deadlock as directors – the bank account is frozen, nothing can move without both of us and there are large debts. We also each have an overdrawn director’s loan account of around £200k.
I have taken proper advice from an Insolvency Practitioner and understand the companies are balance-sheet insolvent and that the duty is now to creditors. But we cannot afford to pay the 3K insolvency practitioner fee.
What I am really struggling with is the human side of this. He is threatening to have me removed as director, but the truth is I am so stressed and anxious by the constant debt letters, bailiffs, enforcement threats and ongoing conflict that I’m having panic attacks and I’m starting to feel that I just want to step away and let him deal with it. I can’t sleep at night and can barely function.
Staying as a director feels like being tied into something where I have legal responsibility but no control, and it is making my health worse. Resigning properly feels like it might at least draw a line under the day-to-day pressure and allow the formal insolvency process to happen.
I’m not trying to dodge my responsibilities – I know things don’t disappear – I’m just trying to work out whether, in a genuinely deadlocked and insolvent situation, stepping down is actually the most sensible and responsible thing to do. My ex is totally unreasonable, a narc, and was arrested for all manner of DA crimes against me. He wants to destroy me whereas I just want to make it through the day. He was cheating on me, with men, which was one of the reasons the marriage ended.
I’m also grieving the loss of businesses I built and was very good at before I became unwell, which probably isn’t helping me think clearly. I have a kind of identity loss and huge guilt and shame.
Has anyone been through something similar where illness and relationship breakdown led to business insolvency? Did you stay and fight or step away? Which turned out to be the better decision for your health and in practical terms?
He thinks threatening to remove me is a punishment, I’m seeing it as relief.
Please be kind – I’m trying to rebuild my life slowly and make the least damaging decisions from here.