We've had a child arranges order in place since 2020. It stipulates direct unsupervised contact for my 8yr old son with his father EOW, half the holidays and one tea visit per week in term time. There is no indirect contact (phone, email) detailed at all.
My son and I have experienced post separation abuse in varying degrees since 2020. We are currently on our second child in need plan due to disclosures from my son of emotional abuse whilst in the care of his dad resulting in challenging behaviour.
Dad is coercive and controlling. He is currently trying to remove our son from his SEMH school as he believes our son has no SEN.
Our son was previously out of school for 18 months after exclusion from mainstream eduction, he is 8 years old. I went to tribunal for this placement and he's doing brilliantly.
Dad has supplied our sons specialist school with a mobile phone which he insisted must remain in the care of the school. He wants our son to check this phone each day, reply to messages and take video calls. School initially said yes, but only on arrival and departure. I was not informed by dad or school, I heard about it from our son.
I feel very strongly this is not in our son's interest and is an attempt to circumvent our order. In an attempt to provide a safer solution, I offered his dad weekly calls via the parenting app we are ordered to use, prearranged by us and recorded. I asked for the same weekly call for myself and our son during the holidays. Dad declined. I've raised all this with school and was told they were seeking legal advice and the phone would remain unused.
Our social worker had expressed to school during our child in need meetings that she feel this phone arrangement at school isn't in our sons best ininterest, school should remain neutral, I agree.
School are still holding the phone. At least twice now our son has asked for the phone, been given it, then texted and video called his dad. School said the first instance of this was a mistake, I'm still awaiting a reply over what has happened today.
I am worried dad will use this phone to destabilise our sons school placement and he's already used it to asked our son to check on my daily activities.
Can anyone confirm that this is a change to our current child arrangements ordered contact?
We have a clause that says varitions can be agreed in writing by both parents, I believe this is a variation, I do not agree, I've offered a compromise, therefore I'd assume my ex would need to seek variation in court to set out phone contact. Am I right?
How far shall I push this with school? It's an Independent Specialist and they've been fantastic with our son so far. I'm wary of pushing this issue as know they could terminate the placement if they get fed up with the aggravation from both parents.
It's long, so thank you, I can't afford to go back to my solicitor currently so any advice is gratefully received.