Family court- why doesn’t character and parenting matter

[whatsmissing]

Can anyone explain to me why in family court, when one parent wants more time with the child/ren than the other will agree to, why don’t they assess both parents’ character and parenting and home environment, and have some kind of standard scoring framework, and then allocate time accordingly so the child gets more time being raised with a better parent, in a better parenting style, in a better environment? And then have a process to reassess every X years or if requested if circumstances change?

Obviously this will raise the question of what is better. It will come down to values and research I suppose but it’s pretty obvious. Honest is better than lying. Peaceful is better than violent. Respectful is better than abusive. Towards others not just toward child. Because children are influenced by behaviours around them.

This is only scratching the surface, there are lots of every day positives like organising positive things for child and living a healthy life with positive supportive networks/social connections , and supporting child to be healthy and maintaining a clean nice home with peaceful atmosphere etc etc, things that are good for the child. And also history of time spent with child, relationship etc. Ability to respond appropriately to child, support and hold boundaries where needed. Ability to reflect and learn and admit mistakes and repair conflict not escalate it.

There must be a million things that are known to be good for children. Why aren’t we using that knowledge to get the child as good an upbringing as possible, rather than starting from 50/50?

I’m not saying the child should not see their less capable parent, but that this assessment should be considered alongside and balanced with giving some time with both parents in order to optimise things for the child.

Wouldnt family court be a more beneficial process if it was structured like this. Wouldn’t it save some of the grief if people could see in advance how it was likely to come out. Wouldnt there be less post separation abuse if people knew it would negatively affect court outcomes. Wouldnt an accepted definition of good character and parenting be a helpful thing for people to look at outside of the court process.

Come on then, shoot it down! Are there good reasons things are as bonkers as they are, with little kids being forced to spend large amounts of time with parents who are basically assholes or incompetent parents, but not deemed dangerous enough for it to matter?

And then there is endless accusations of Disney Dads yet when dads parent ''oh no we cant have that I wont allow it'

It’s not the standard, that’s a myth. It’s between 11 and 20% who have equal time between parents. Of the rest, the vast majority have more time with the mum.

Because the court isn’t social services and within the range of super-attentive and dedicated down to benign neglect, the question of what is “good” or even “acceptable” parenting is highly subjective. Then you have the question of court resources in a highly underfunded and overstretched system already. Hence, where there is a genuine safeguarding issue, CAFCASS will be involved. Where it’s just one parent saying they’re a better parent than the other one (a common feature after a separation), the legal system takes the view that a child deserves equal time with both parents.

There could be many cases where, to the other parent, someone “doing the hard part of parenting, eg boundaries” might be the worse parent, way too harsh, coming down on the child for things that the other parent thinks should actually be tolerated and ok. Who is to say that the court’s idea of where boundaries lie is the correct one?
What if one parent wants the child to not have cake except at birthdays and the other says it’s ok on the weekend, does one get more “parenting points” than the other? Which one and how can you justify that? Many of these values are not objective about what is better parenting, but up to individual choice.

In extreme cases, I agree things verging on neglect or abuse should be taken into account.

My understanding is it is the standard currently where both parents request 50% or more of the time.

Ans what legal source do you have of this?

So you would like the state to assess how good a parent people are and assign custody accordingly? Are you aware how narcissistic that sounds? The child has the parents it has and it is those parents who should bring up the child. If there are any safeguarding issues then social services would be involved the same as they are with couples. It is not for the state to get involved in assessing how good a parent someone is, only to provide safeguards where needed.

And what about if both parents are useless

I struggle to understand why the character and parenting capability of each parent wouldn’t need to be considered as part of determining the best arrangements for the child in terms of amount of time spent with each parent.

The courts assess what's in the best interests of the child. There is no standard order. From uk government website;

What judges and magistrates consider
They’ll always put the welfare of children first. They will think about the:

• child’s wishes and feelings
• child’s physical, emotional and educational needs
• effect any changes may have on the child
• child’s age, gender, characteristics and background
• possible risk of harm to the child
• ability of parents to meet the child’s needs
• orders the court has the power to make

A judge or magistrate will only make an order if they think it’s in the child’s best interests.

Yep, those parents should still bring up the child unless there is a safeguarding issue that requires removal of the child.

Perhaps the courts could appoint you to be the arbiter of all of this, OP, since it’s so easy to determine which parent is best. Maybe you could make a spreadsheet.

Massive LOL at the creaking court system suddenly being responsible for assessing “character”. Perhaps they could do it via a series of magazine quizzes, the type we used to use to discover which Spice Girl we’d be

Capable may not mean loving? A father figure and a mother figure are both equally important? I would assume a 50:50 custody arrangement unless there are concerns about one parent. And of course one persons ideal parent is another persons nightmare, who's to judge? Too structured, not structured enough, too much discipline, not enough discipline, too indulgent, parsimonious.

If it were that easy to judge the character of parents very few people would ever end up in family court. We all would have been able to choose ‘good’ people to have children with and if the relationship broke we would be able to continue to make decisions only in the best interests of the children and come to parenting agreements without the need for court intervention.

They are one of many things considered, ie ability of each of the parents to meet the child’s needs.

Where does your understanding come from? It’s incorrect. There is no presumption in favour of 50/50 and most families don’t have a 50/50 arrangement.

But you are talking about parenting differences. I am quite a laid back parent. My teens don’t have that many rules - the basics obviously and I encourage them to do the right thing.
their dad however would have lots of rules and punishments.
some people would think he’s right some would think I’m right.
the courts are at breaking point - do you really think they have the time to consider all this. They don’t. And they don’t care. As long as you don’t present safeguarding risks then you are a good enough parent.
At the end of the day you chose to have a child with that person so tough luck.

The OP has very clearly illustrated why coats should not do this! If one C parent feels they are superior because they have better teeth cleaning hygiene which trumps actual contact with the other parent, then thank goodness the courts don’t make judgements on that basis!

And as usual, the DV/drugs argument is trotted out -if there has been a parent convictrd of DV ir drugs offences then obviously these el be taken in to account. If no conviction then it is just he said/she said.

Given that it's a known fact that domestic abuse often begins during pregnancy, or shortly after, this kind of statement just minimises the issue.

Where is the money coming from to do this? Where are the social workers coming from? How would you weight it if both parents are good enough but have different parenting styles?

for eg. I had “rules” around homework, times to be home etc. my ex was more fluid. Neither of us is in the realms of neglect, it’s just a parenting difference.