Step-sibling executor of dad’s will?

[Question194]

My Dad has been married to my stepmother for 15+ years, I have stepsiblings (from stepmothers previous marriage). I am the eldest.

My Dad upped and left and moved in with them in another part of the country, they effectively got my Dad as their own and I rarely see him. We are ‘close’ in that we talk on the phone and I can rely on him to help if I need something and I know he feels deep guilt, but effectively he has a whole new family and I am very very much on the sidelines. My stepmother is a difficult woman and I have never felt fully welcomed. I never see or speak to step siblings but when we do we get on fine and I like them.

In a recent conversation I learned that they have made my step sibling executor of their will. Stepsibling is a solicitor and this was their reasoning for it. Their will is set up so that everything is split evenly between us.

Since learning this I can’t help but feel worried. Should I ask to be added as joint executor?

I think you are right to be worried, not because of the executor tbh but because your ‘laid back’ Dad is going to end up leaving you nothing at all. It happens a lot.

I come from a family that used to have money and some bits still do. It is interesting who is allowed to talk about money and inheritance and who isn’t. Rich families talk about this stuff. Yes it can be grabby but it’s also practical. Someone’s going to inherit and it matters, pretending it doesn’t is silly. Making wills and plans is a good thing to do - I made my first will aged 18.

A friend of mine was left her childhood home by her dad, with all his money going to his (fourth) wife. His wife was so furious that she contested the will. She was clearly willing to spend the entire estate trying to cut my friend out. (She did t win). I learned that contesting a will is a mug’s game, and that my friend’s dad was incredibly unusual in making actual legal provision for his only child.

I was worried about Dh if I died first - I knew he would meet someone else and I wasn’t convinced that ds’s interests would be protected. I talked to a solicitor about this. Sadly Dh died first.

Hace a conversation with your dad. Tbh I’d ignore the executor issue, except to say that family relationships come under strain when wills and intentions aren’t crystal clear. If he definitely means to leave you nothing, that’s what will probably happen at the moment. If his intentions are different , he needs to write them down.

Hi everyone thank you so much for your replies to this.

I finally spoke to my dad and he basically said he didn’t realise/didn’t really think about the possibility of it being changed against his wishes. He said he will change it and do whatever he needs to ensure my security. He was totally open to my conversation, agreed with everything and didn’t try to reassure me of anything, so I think this was a bit of a wake up call for him.

He mentioned speaking to step sibling about changing the will. I don’t know the ins and outs of how much they were involved in the drafting of their will, but is this a conflict of interest? I feel like their will should be done by a third party but I don’t know if I’m worrying too much?

Can anyone also give some suggestion at what type of will he should be looking into to ensure his wishes for my inheritance are protected if he were to go before his wife? They jointly own their home.

Thank you so much

I don’t know if this is possible, could he put his half of the house in trust for you ? She can then leave her half to her kids and his half can’t be used if she needs care ?

You / your Dad need to speak to a solicitor.
Exact thing has happened to me , 2 properties both going to SSibs.

An executor cannot alter a will. They must administer the will as written.

The normal recommendation in this situation is that, if the house is owned as joint tenants, he should sever the joint tenancy. He and his wife will then each own 50% of the house (although they can set different proportions if they wish). He can then leave her a life interest in his half of the house with it passing to you when she dies. That guarantees you will ultimately inherit.

Thank you, im going to mention the trust to him as this is what most recommendations point to

Do you mean that you ended up being left out of both wills?

Thank you so much this is really useful to know. I think he would benefit from seeing a solicitor on his own just to understand all options and they can tell him all this info

Well she is still alive but we have been told.

Gosh I am so sorry