Step-sibling executor of dad’s will?

[Question194]

My Dad has been married to my stepmother for 15+ years, I have stepsiblings (from stepmothers previous marriage). I am the eldest.

My Dad upped and left and moved in with them in another part of the country, they effectively got my Dad as their own and I rarely see him. We are ‘close’ in that we talk on the phone and I can rely on him to help if I need something and I know he feels deep guilt, but effectively he has a whole new family and I am very very much on the sidelines. My stepmother is a difficult woman and I have never felt fully welcomed. I never see or speak to step siblings but when we do we get on fine and I like them.

In a recent conversation I learned that they have made my step sibling executor of their will. Stepsibling is a solicitor and this was their reasoning for it. Their will is set up so that everything is split evenly between us.

Since learning this I can’t help but feel worried. Should I ask to be added as joint executor?

It is entirely up to your father who he appoints as executor. The executor must follow the provisions of your will. Do you have any reason to believe your stepbrother will not administer the will correctly?

Very sensible to have a solicitor, even a stepchild solicitor, as executor.

It’s up to your dad whether he also wants you to do it.

What is it precisely that you’re worried about?

The executor can’t just decide not to give the beneficiaries the inheritance, if that’s what you’re worried about.

The executor is basically the person who does the admin. If they’re a solicitor the process will be a lot easier for them than it will be for you.

Also, a joint executor can apply for probate on their own - I’m one of three executors for my dad and I’ve done all the paperwork in my name so far. So your step-sibling could still make their probate application whether you’re joint executor or not.

It might be a completely unwarranted worry and I am completely happy to be told as such. I think I was just concerned that it could mean I end up being short changed in some way and I have no visibility to what is happening. My dad is the high earner and I am his only biological child.

As I say I am very much on the sidelines, my dad is very relaxed and turns a blind eye to a lot of things for an easy life which has meant my stepmothers strong persona takes control in situations and I felt like this could be one of them.

I wouldnt want to be an executor necessarily but I'd want to be really clear on what this means

"Their will is set up so that everything is split evenly between us."

If its mirror wills and means when he dies the step mother gets everything and her will says its split equally... i wouldn't trust it
She can changed it anytime she likes.

On that basis I'd want more info /visibility on the details and I'd be asking that he makes direct provison for you in his will (ie when he dies you inherit directly) this ensures his "will" is actually carried out. It can go so wrong otherwise...especially when big sums.are involved, morals go put the window.

I wouldn't worry about the executor.
I would worry about the provision if your Dad dies before your stepmum and hasn't directly provided for you in his will.

As a solicitor it would be a really bad look for.an executor not to do everything by the book.

Have you seen the will? I'd be more worried that all is left to your SM if your DDad dies first and she then leaves everything to your step siblings.

Provided this is not in Scotland, your dad can leave his money to whoever he wants to, it's his decision if it goes to your step mum, or if he makes direct provision for you. Likewise he is free to appoint who he wants as executor. TBH you sound grabby.

This exactly. Similar thing happened in my extended family. Your DF maybe relying on your SM to be fair after his death if he goes first.

I’m an executor for my parents’ wills as I’m a solicitor, my siblings aren’t. It’s pretty common to name someone with a legal background where there is one in the family. Frankly it’s a thankless task and doesn’t give them any power to affect who inherits. It is of course possible to abuse that position but it doesn’t sound like you have any concrete reason to think that will happen, just uncertainty. I agree that mirror wills can raise a risk that your Dad’s intentions aren’t ultimately carried out (that risk having nothing to do with your step sibling being an executor) so on both fronts, understanding your Dad’s current will and whether it would ensure his aims are met even if he dies first would help. Those sorts of discussions can be awkward / cause tensions between family members but that’s of course a different consideration from the legal one.

One point when appointing a family member who is a solicitor as executor is to determine whether they will deal with the estate purely as a family member, ie in a personal free of charge capacity, or whether the will actually appoints them in a professional capacity, allowing them to charge for their work - in which case they will deal with the estate through their firm, & will charge fees for doing so.

Thank you everyone this is all really useful information.

Yes I am worried about what many of you have asked - whether my dad’s wishes will be carried out. My understanding is that it is written into the will something like that whoever dies first, the other person agrees to continue to ‘look out’ for the others children and then when they die everything is split evenly between us. But I have never seen the will.

What can I do to protect myself in this situation? Is there anything my dad should do?

I am able to speak to my dad privately and in confidence so I will be able to ask him questions.

Thank you again.

You need to ask him if he and his wife have made mirror Wills, if they have then everything will go to his wife if he dies first.
Ideally, if your dad wants you to have any inheritance from him he needs to specifically identify this in his Will, so that you can receive it as a separate entity to whatever gets left to his wife... I would not trust his wife to 'look out for' you after your dad dies, you've already said you dont have a great relationship with her

But I have never seen the will.

why would you see the will - hes not dead and it doesnt matter if you do see it, it can be changed

The way l would position it is... is he happy for you to potentially receive ZERO...? Because that is what he is doing right now. if so, mirror will is fine.
If not, he needs to review it

Mirror wills only work for first marriages with full siblings IMO

This. My DF died, stepmother inherited and apparently the estate was intended to be split evenly between her two sons, me and my sibling. That’s not now happening- everything is going to my stepbrothers and nothing to me and sibling. There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s very common that this happens. It’s particularly galling as SM came into the marriage with absolutely nothing- she was on the bones of her arse and subsequently contributed nothing to their collective wealth. Just gotta suck it up.

Hate to tell you but if yoyr Dad dies first and leaves everything to stepmother, she can just re-write her will and exclude you entirely.
Its a regular occurance.

Yes this is what i mean
I know three people this has happened to!!!
I am sure it happens the other way round too though...

But it was all trusting/complacent/whatever men dying and then stepmothers rewriting the mirror will and taking the lot and giving it to their bio kids.

What can I do to protect myself in this situation?

Nothing. It's not your business. Leave your Dad alone to organise his financial affairs as he sees fit.

Will she be charging for her services?

What is the alternative to a mirror will? If they put the house into a trust for all children would that be more secure for his wishes?

I will speak to him this weekend to find out more. This has been a real wake up call for me, I have always had a niggling worry but this has pushed me to speak to him so thank you

OP there's no ethical boundaries in the set-up of the executor/step sibling, however get your own copy if possible (don't rely on hearsay). However, there is a legal issue involving witnesses (The witnesses to the will cannot inherit under it. If someone acts as a witness to the signing of a will, they and their spouse or civil partner lose their entitlement as a beneficiary. This rule does not apply to executors, only to witnesses.). Interesting twist, but you should try to cover yourself and be prepared to hire your own solicitor if it gets messy. Also know that the step sibling will have the right to charge for the execution of the will, before any distribution of assets.

If they’re a solicitor, it’s quite unlikely that they would act in breach of their duties as executor, since doing so could have serious professional ramifications which would not be worth the risk. Unless you have any reason to worry, I wouldn’t be bothered about this. In fact, since being an executor is a lot of work and can be stressful, I’d be glad that a professional with the relevant skills will be doing it. You could ask to be added as co-executor though.

I’m a solicitor and am the executor of my parents’ wills. I have a brother. They discussed this with both of us and since the only reason to appoint my brother as well would be some concept of “fairness”, and my brother knows I’m not going to do anything untoward, it’s just me.