Page 2 | Husband continuing to refuse to pay mortgage

ThisOliveHelper · 2025-12-01T14:46:09+00:00

Hi all. Please can I get some urgent advice. I have been married for a year and a half and my husband and I have a mortgage. He usually pays 66% of it and i pay 33% of it proportional to our salaries. He earns 3x the amount I do but has always wanted me to pay 50% of it. Since we separated in April 2025 he hasn't been consistently paying me for all council tax and water bills that are in my name. The mortgage was originally coming out from his bank account and I would transfer my proportion to him but he has taken the direct debit off his account in september and is demanding I pay 50% of the mortgage. On the advice of my solicitor I paid 50% last month and he did 50%. He is continuing to finscially coerce me and now he is demanding I do 50% of all bills and the mortgage gping forward. He still hasnt paid me for some other bills last month. As of today there is a shortfall lf about £400 on the mortgage account. Ive paif my 33% today so that has temporarily removed the shortfall but clearly over the coming months this amount will just continue to rise and go into arrears. My solicitor has suggested I pay the mortgage at 50% and try and recoup the costs through the small claims court later. My husband toom me payong 50% last month and just ran away with it qhich is why he is demanding 50% for everything going forward. Im not really happy with my solcitors approach. The other thing they suggested was maintenance pending suit but im not sure how succeasful this would be and want to keep things out of court if possible. Outside of this is there anything else that i can do? Ive spent £2000 on the solicitor so far and am also wondeing whether I need to change solicitor because ive lost faith in their approsch tbh.

Adelle79360 · 01/12/2025 19:47

I’m not sure there’s a lot you can do OP. You don’t want to pursue the legal options your solicitor has given to you, so you can only either pay what he doesn’t so you don’t go into arrears and affect your credit rating, or you stop paying and see if that gives him the kick up the bum he needs to agree to get on with selling the house.

lljkk · 01/12/2025 19:54

Would OP be violating the terms of the mortgage if neither mortgage holder is resident in the property? I'm thinking about capital gains and interest rates.

WeightLossGoal2024 · 01/12/2025 22:53

Can you agree to rent it out for a few months while you continue legal proceedings to force a sale?

Financial abuse is awful, I think you definitely need to keep the one you have or replace them

CombatBarbie · 01/12/2025 23:02

So its empty as you've both moved out? If so, why? And why does he want to reunite in 3yrs time?? I am baffled.

You can initiate divorce and submit to the court to grant you permission to deal with the mortgage. Ive had to do this. Just took letter to bank and let me do what I needed to do.....fixed term was up so just signed for 2yr fixed at lower rate as im paying 100% of everything. But then you run the risk of him not paying anything at all.

Original poster

ThisOliveHelper · 02/12/2025 13:35

WeightLossGoal2024 · 01/12/2025 22:53

Can you agree to rent it out for a few months while you continue legal proceedings to force a sale?

Financial abuse is awful, I think you definitely need to keep the one you have or replace them

He wont agree to rent it out either which is why im stuck. I feel like he is calljng all the shots because he put more money down than I did. Its really difficult because he wont agree to anything I suggest but us fkrcing me into siutatuons I cant fully manage.

OP posts:

Original poster

ThisOliveHelper · 02/12/2025 13:38

CombatBarbie · 01/12/2025 23:02

So its empty as you've both moved out? If so, why? And why does he want to reunite in 3yrs time?? I am baffled.

You can initiate divorce and submit to the court to grant you permission to deal with the mortgage. Ive had to do this. Just took letter to bank and let me do what I needed to do.....fixed term was up so just signed for 2yr fixed at lower rate as im paying 100% of everything. But then you run the risk of him not paying anything at all.

He put a sutveillance camera outside the house as he wanted to monitor how often I came to the housr as well as my famiky membera. He didnt wsnt me living in tje house because i would be using up utilitues and waant prepares to lay for the bills i woukd use. He was always living in the house half time because he spent half the week in his city when at the office. The house was a 1.5hr commute from his house but he slend half the wrek at his famimy home on those days. When he said he wanted a divorce he mkved back to his family home full time but only came to the marital home intermittently. He wants tk get back togrther in 3 years when ny trai ing is done and he has issues laying the mkrtgage for a the marital home and is now claiming he didnt want to buy the marital home in tje first place.

OP posts:

Tiswa · 02/12/2025 13:38

What does he want @ThisOliveHelper because he stands to lose just as much as you if not more if the mortgage defaults

KilkennyCats · 02/12/2025 13:38

You’re not together anymore and you’re both jointly liable for the mortgage.

Of course you each pay 50%; why would he continue to subsidise you?!
Whoever advised you to recoup what you feel you’re owed from him through the small claims court is talking bollocks, I really hope you didn’t pay for that “legal” advice?

Tiswa · 02/12/2025 13:39

You know what @ThisOliveHelper it isn’t something I normally would suggest but I would be tempted just to lose the cash in the house and sign it over to him and just get a clean break and walk away

Mandylovescandy · 02/12/2025 13:52

How are the proceeds from the house being divided? Did you put money into the deposit that you want back? If he is offering you 21% but you are joint tenants surely you have a right to 50% so could you use that to negotiate and force a quicker sale? Lk

Can you remove yourself from the council tax and utilities and switch it to his name? Ring the bank and see if they could agree a mortgage holiday if you explain that you can't pay

KilkennyCats · 02/12/2025 14:00

Mandylovescandy · 02/12/2025 13:52

How are the proceeds from the house being divided? Did you put money into the deposit that you want back? If he is offering you 21% but you are joint tenants surely you have a right to 50% so could you use that to negotiate and force a quicker sale? Lk

Can you remove yourself from the council tax and utilities and switch it to his name? Ring the bank and see if they could agree a mortgage holiday if you explain that you can't pay

You can’t just put your bills in someone else’s name without their permission!

UnbeatenMum · 02/12/2025 14:09

The risk if he's defaulting and you're not is that the house is reposessed and you end up losing out disproportionately. If you're getting 21% of the equity because this is the percentage you own then I would pay 21% of the payment, or nothing if he is paying nothing. If you're getting 50% then paying 50% is reasonable.

203percent · 02/12/2025 14:11

This gets odder & odder.

Can't handle a mortgage?
Let's get divorced and remarry in 3 years?
Security camera monitoring utilities?

OP you are massively over complicating this. Pay your 50% until the house sells, take your share, change your number & never speak to this stupid arse ever again.

As PP said, worst case scenario, tell him the house is his, walk away & make a clean break.

He's actually nuts.

cestlavielife · 02/12/2025 14:14

Do you want to get back with him in three years?

Original poster

ThisOliveHelper · 02/12/2025 16:01

No. If he cant support me now and is behaving in the manner he currently is then i cant see a future. He has tols me he doesnt want to share his finances with me so i dont see how it is possibke to move forwards in marriage like this

OP posts:

Original poster

ThisOliveHelper · 02/12/2025 16:04

UnbeatenMum · 02/12/2025 14:09

The risk if he's defaulting and you're not is that the house is reposessed and you end up losing out disproportionately. If you're getting 21% of the equity because this is the percentage you own then I would pay 21% of the payment, or nothing if he is paying nothing. If you're getting 50% then paying 50% is reasonable.

I put about 21% down in a deposit. The final equity split hasnt been decided. The legal starting point is 5o 5o as we are joint tenants. I am under the impression i woll get nowhere near 50% as it qas a short marriage. So this is where i dont know what to do going forwards. It just feels like one big nightmare. The mortgage was only allroved om the basis of his salary - i would never have been abke to get it on my own which is why me covering 50% stings so much.

OP posts:

Tiswa · 02/12/2025 16:10

ThisOliveHelper · 02/12/2025 16:04

I put about 21% down in a deposit. The final equity split hasnt been decided. The legal starting point is 5o 5o as we are joint tenants. I am under the impression i woll get nowhere near 50% as it qas a short marriage. So this is where i dont know what to do going forwards. It just feels like one big nightmare. The mortgage was only allroved om the basis of his salary - i would never have been abke to get it on my own which is why me covering 50% stings so much.

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Does he need more of the asset than you? Has a solicitor told you that 50/50 won’t happen or him

because as far as I can see a joint tenancy in a short marriage would be upheld

CombatBarbie · 02/12/2025 18:51

ThisOliveHelper · 02/12/2025 13:38

He put a sutveillance camera outside the house as he wanted to monitor how often I came to the housr as well as my famiky membera. He didnt wsnt me living in tje house because i would be using up utilitues and waant prepares to lay for the bills i woukd use. He was always living in the house half time because he spent half the week in his city when at the office. The house was a 1.5hr commute from his house but he slend half the wrek at his famimy home on those days. When he said he wanted a divorce he mkved back to his family home full time but only came to the marital home intermittently. He wants tk get back togrther in 3 years when ny trai ing is done and he has issues laying the mkrtgage for a the marital home and is now claiming he didnt want to buy the marital home in tje first place.

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Ok still dont understand. But cancel all your dds. This is just ridiculous and a life lesson to never be reliant on a man ever again!! Tell the utility company's you no longer live there. So inclined to say fuck the mortgage too.... but leave your 50% til the very last minute.