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Child arrangements advice

4 replies

mum0612 · 21/11/2025 06:15

I am in need of advice. My younger two children’s father and i separated around 4 months ago on grounds of abuse and control and every other weekend he’s been having them, not without difficulty but all ok until now… two weekends ago when he had them he messaged me (parenting app) asking what weekend it was on my birthday weekend and I replied with it is his, texts went on then he started asking about my older two children’s dad and if he sold his house etc, I politely told him this is nothing to do with the children and keep it to this. With this he threw his toys out of the pram, said he’s moving closer to me to be with children (lives 30 mins away) and I mentioned the c100 that I did back in September. Again, he got nasty, said he’s not having the children until court arrangements are in place which could take months… I thought he may calm down before this weekend and see the error of his ways but it appears he has deleted the app. The headteacher has got involved and sent him a message asking about pick up arrangements on Friday (today) as she has to scatter pick up with another family he had altercations with. He replied that he is not seeing them until a court arrangement is in place so he is sticking to what he said but I am not sure if he knows that could take months…! Ultimately, my children (6, 3) are devastated and can’t understand it! They have to watch the older sisters go to their dads this weekend and can’t understand about their dad. I do think it’s because it is my birthday coming up and he knows I will be children free feeding into that control again. And then once that’s over it will be Christmas and my youngests birthday and he is going to pipe up he wants to see them… but now he has done this I don’t think it is fair for him to call the shots and decide when he wants to see them as it is upsetting for the children with the going back and forth and they have had no routine anymore so am thinking if he doesn’t stick to his weekends he has to wait until c100 date meaning children won’t see him for months. If he messages at Christmas, he’s suddenly sorry he wants them etc what should I do? His tactics right now aren’t in the best interest of the children but trying to control me instead as he can’t any other way. Help?! Thanks :)

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 21/11/2025 07:56

It’s in the best interest of the children to see him, especially at Christmas, so I’d frame it that way in your mind, rather than him controlling you.
It’s a tough time, but you’ll get through it. Document any unpleasant texts, times he doesn’t turn up when expected etc.

Titasaducksarse · 21/11/2025 08:18

Why have you done the c100 application? The children reside with you.

Soontobe60 · 21/11/2025 08:23

All your DC need to be told of this weekend is “daddy’s not very well so you’re not going to be able to visit him on Saturday. Shall we have some ice cream as a treat?”
Yes, they may well be upset at not seeing him but it’s very easy to distract them. I would not even have mentioned it to them until today TBH.

WhamBamThankU · 22/11/2025 17:24

My ex also said he wouldn’t see our children until an order was in place, it was in writing and I stuck to it. I also made children available as soon as court ordered any contact so I don’t think you’d be in trouble for taking him at his original word.

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