TW: Fact finding

[ContactNightmare]

I’ve previously posted about my DD who says she has been abused by her father. contact proceedings are ongoing.

After a lot of argument there is now a fact finding. I am unrepresented. The allegations include sexual abuse. DD is not fit to give evidence; she has cPTSD.

I don’t know what to do next. DD is 14. She will be 15 next year. I don’t know how to handle this as I wait for the court to list the case. It’s really upsetting me - she has care from her psychologist.

I’m told that there are likely to be findings made given the evidence. But while I wait I have to read it. I can’t handle it, it’s so grim. I don’t know how I can give evidence; I feel like I will just crumble.

Can anyone advise what these things are actually like? It’s keeping me awake wondering what will happen in court

You will be asked to tell the judge what happened. Your ex or his lawyer will then ask you some questions. If he does not have a lawyer and you are concerned about being questioned by him, you can ask the judge if someone else can ask the questions. The judge may also ask you some questions.

Your ex will similarly be asked to tell the judge what happened. You or your lawyer will then ask him some questions, and the judge may also ask him some questions.

The judge will then make a decision about each allegation - whether it is true, false, or cannot be proved either way. The allegations the judge finds to be true will affect the final outcome of the case.

Once the judge has given their decision on the allegations, they will tell you what will happen next with your case.

Thanks @prh47bridge its more that I think these questions will be very hostile. My ex has put several traumatic events front and centre in his evidence to suggest I am mentally unbalanced and made complaints about me to social services.

All of his evidence says I am mentally unwell. No one else agrees but it is really unpleasant. I don’t want to be traumatized again by these questions which are upsetting. This man did abuse me too but I never took it to court

The judge can not make findings about mental health allegations without an expert assessment of you or evidence of a diagnosis.

you will be put through the mill their is no avoiding it.

I assume CAFCAS is involved.

your daughter is of an age where she can instruct a solicitor herself, and will as a minor qualify for legal aid.

you should seek a solicitor on her behalf, if there is no guardian ad litem acting for her.

There is a Guardian. The allegations are very serious. But because they are, we have the fact finding. DD is adamant she does not want any contact and has maintained her wish for several years. I feel like I’m on trial - all I did was support her.

A relief that my mental health won’t be ruled on however; it’s just horrible that my history is something to be weaponized.

Given her age and her clearly expressed desire not to see him why has it got to this stage?

I don’t know. The Guardian recommended a section 91 against the father. Because of this, he argued that his contact was to be severed and it was a breach of his human rights to a fair trial of the facts. So I had to file a witness statement and schedule of allegations

This.

Just to add however (speaking as someone who has been through a four day long fact finding hearing) I can tell you that you will get through it and out the other side. Just try to stay calm, tell the truth and stick to the facts and the details as set out in your Scott schedule of allegations and evidence. Don’t get drawn into his legal representation baiting you. It will not end well if you do. But there is nothing wrong with crying. I cried a lot as it was hugely traumatic and I was revisiting so many awful things we had all been through at his hands.
We have no direct contact CAO and I also have a S 91 Barring Order

Thank you. I do feel traumatized. It is affecting my work and wider life.

God almighty, they are putting you all through this when she's 15 years of age? No court order can force her to see him anyway - the judge is absurd by letting this happen. I am so sorry - the family court system is traumatising. You will get out the other end and findings against him will help your DD in future - honestly. But it will be hard going.

I have put my faith in this because otherwise I am looking at being told I am some dreadful alienating parent and an expert report.

The only good thing is that DD will not have to give evidence of any kind. I am so happy about that.

@myfitbitisfucked - if it’s not too traumatic for you, how long were you on the stand for? I have actual nightmares about this.