Right where too start. My friend is in an appaling position and I am very worried about her. She had a babygirl 4 years ago and was very poorly during pregnancy, when she gave birth and afterwards but she muscled through. Her partner at the time was very unsupportive and would just sleep and generally wouldnt do anything with the child. My friend found out at a later date that he was using cocaine and smoking weed habitually, to the point where the cocaine would give him seizures. Her partner was very controlling and physically abused her and wouldnt let her have a life outside of him, wouldnt let her wear make up ect ect.
She'd in the past worked for a man who had been the same way albeit without the violence, controlling, paying her late, wouldn't let her have holidays ect ect. She'd made the mistake of briefly dating this man while she worked for him ergo he then thought he could treat her in an abusive way (I will state at this point that there was nosexual or physical abuse) she was unfairly dismissed in the end because she broke that control and was able to get on with her life. Years later she had spoken to her then partner (Baby Father) about what had happenned and him being jealous and controlling used to use it against her.and used it as a backdrop for his behaviour. She was offered couselling and started it for domestic abuse due to the baby father and whilst doing therapy, her therapist suggested that she needed to clear some of her history up and thought it would be a good idea for her to meet her former employer in a public place and confront him with what and how he'd made her feel. Well she did this in a public house and took her daughter with her, again at this point I will stress this man had never been sexually or physically violent towards her. the meeting was in a very public place.The baby father found out about the meeting and got very jealous and accused her of allsorts, to the point that as she felt empowered by confronting her old employer she asked the baby father to leave and it was her intention to end the relationship.
Next thing she knows he attacked her and as she pushed him away she caught him with her nail on his cheek and even though she had bruises everywhere from where he'd hit her he was claiming she attacked him so no charges were filed. They duly split and mum had daughter and dad was seeing her when he could be bothered, all of a sudden on a visit he refused to give the daughter back citing that mum wasn't mentally fit enough to look after the daughter as she was having counselling which wasnt true. He was the cause of most of her emotional state as not only had he a drug addiction he'd racked up drug debts so large that she'd had to move back home with her parents as his drug debts had come looking for him and only found her and her daughter because he'd left.
They were offered mediation regarding the child but my friend refused as he just wanted the child 100% as it was a way to still control my friend, hed also taken someone with him into the meeting although my friend was told she had to be alone so she felt intimidated from the start. Anyway she chose the path of court route which seems to be the worst thing she could have done. His family are wealthy and were able to engage a solicitor ect whereas she had to rely on legal aid. His brother was part of social services and it seems there was some 'help' involved. The outcome is that he has the child living with him and she gets a minimum amount of time with her that he controls with an iron grip, she has been deemed a vunerable adult somehow so is not even allowed to have the child unless accompanied. He has admitted that he used drugs but has blamed her for him using them and even though he refused a drug test the court has accepted he has stopped, he has manipulated and lied about everything and left my friend ina terrible, horrible position. How she has been deemed a vulnerable adult is incredulous and his actions are still about control and jealousy but he seems to have convinced the right people that my friend is the problem.He still sends her bullying messages that are very well measured but condescending in tone and designed to keep her feeling depressed and him in control. She desperately needs more time with her daughter and craves to have her on her own so they can do things as mother and daughter.With his familys help he is buying her daughters affections with lots of toys and grand gestures ect and showing signs of being controlling to his daughter. My friend is getting even more worried as her daughter is now saying she doesnt want to go back to her father, and more worryingly saying that silly daddy is forgetting things a trait he had when he was using. The whole situation to be frank stinks and feels that there is other forces at work here, maybe because he had fancy solicitors or it was the path of least residence or was politically motivated (showing that fathers win sometimes) but it is nt right. My friend is an amazing mother and there is nothing at all to say otherwise apart from the lies he has spouted with no proof. She needs justice and Im asking for advice as too what she could possibly do as the whole thing is tearing her life apart. Thank your reading this, it is alot there is so much more, but any advice would be appreciated. Again thank You.