Child Contact Arrangements and court hearing after DV

[TheodoreBitzy]

Sorry it’s a long one… Just posting looking for some advice really. My husband (still going through divorce proceedings) was abusive throughout our marriage looking back, but things escalated a few years ago and one night he beat me black and blue, mainly with facial injuries. He was arrested and charged with assault by beating on domestic violence charges. He left our marital home with everything - our cars, all our money, our savings, access to all accounts, cut everything off and stopped paying the mortgage. He stole the childrens birth certificates snd threatened to abduct the children. I was left living in the house on threat of repossesion without a penny to my name. I had a 6 and 2 year old and was a SAHM. Whst on bail, he stalked me, threatened for me to drop charges, and then came to my address and threatened me, and assaulted me again.
He was sentenced to three years in prison.
Myself and my children were then subjected to a campaign of abuse by his family. Whilst inside and when waiting for trial he was classed as high risk and likely to reoffended. We were moved with multi agency involvement 100 miles away to a safe area. We left with nothing but clothes and toys. He also got a restraining order (only covering me) until 2029. SS and police say it is imperative he doesn’t know where we are. He is out of prison now and on probation. Once I issued court proceedings for financial remedy in the divorce, he has now filed for a child arrangement order. He hasn’t seen the children for 2 and a half years. They were petrified he would come to ‘get’ us. He is so dangerous and has threatened to take the children and make my life a misery. He wants direct contact. I am going to fight as much as I can, I’m so scared he will find us (but have no money or solicitor for this currently 😩) and he said in divorce court he is confident he will get it. I’m in despair. We have had to rebuild our lives from the ground up and are finally settled and safe, and the children are absolutely thriving now. It’s been horrific. How likely is he to get contact 😟 the court date is just before Christmas 😩

What is your legal support?

My advice

1. take at least one friend prepared to wait all day and go in their car to the court or even better an uber (no chance of him meeting you in the car park) if you can’t find this - ask local churches or women’s group to do this with you - if you are local I would go with you
2. prepare for a long day - sandwiches, money for tea and coffee, chocolate etc
3. charge your devices and bring the cables and plugs
4. wear comfortable clothing in layers so you can add or take clothes away
5. Make sure the children are dropped off by someone else and picked up - I once went for a court hearing of estimated time 1 hour at 10 am and it took until 6 pm
6. take a small wheelie suitcase with everything - all copies of all paperwork - I did 3 copies one for the judge, one for him and one for me - even though paperwork had been submitted by my solicitor
7. I had copies printed x3 of all texts and messages and witness statements (signed and dated)
8. arrive early and ask for your own room by explaining the situation - if you ask nicely and firmly - I was never told no and always got a room stressed the assaults and the effects on me mentally
9. take copies of all medical, police and other records.

courts need facts. the starting point is 50:50 in any divorce or proceedings.
You solicitor and barrister need to get across the orders in place, the risk of death and serious harm to all of you.

I can’t tell you which way a judge will go. I can tell you I went through similar stress to you a number of times and a number of hearings and I really didn’t say much or indeed my barrister or solicitor it was mainly the judge asking him questions, clarifying things with me when asked. My ex asked over 6 court cases for custody. He lost contact with one (older) and removed from birth certificate and we got a life long restraining order as my ex argued and argued with the judge and was being a Pain in the arse. So the judge snapped.

with bullies if you give them a long enough rope they usually hang them selves.

I did not sleep for days before hearings, I held my faith in a system that they would see through the mud he slung (I was the aggressor, apparently and violent and abusive) and every single time with multiple judges they saw it and him for the abuser he was.

Just seen no solicitor? Have you got money eg loan that you can get? Can SS help? Is he likely to have legal representation?
can you family help? Legal aid? Womens aid?

do you have a friend who is calm and knowledgeable? If so you them can take a Mackenzie friend. They can’t speak to the judge but can offer support.,

PS take a copy of the restraining order and show it to the clerk when you get there

Ps my ex told me I would be fired, sectioned and he would get custody, he had loads of money for the last hearing I didn’t even take a solicitor. Just the facts.

My ex lives alone, had never had another relationship and his family (dad abusive is now in a care home alone and still violent!)

Me I have happy thriving kids that my husband treats as his own. A beautiful house - my ex took my house I had to sell it for court legal representation. I am now over 10 years on. I’m about to retire early. My children thrived - eldest first class degree and despite being ND lives and works independently. My middle one is doing medicine at Oxbridge and youngest is thriving. All ND and all went through trauma. My kids love home, Christmas, family and my husband is ‘their dad’. You are a phoenix rising from the ashes. You are a strong oak and you will go through seasons where it is winter but I promise you spring and summer is always round the corner. PM me if I can help further.

Thank you so much. They won’t give me any legal aid, I can’t afford a solicitor - I have no savings or assets but as we are divorcing the proceeds from the house will be divided (we have £120k to split, so far I’ve spent £30k of my share on legal bills) and the money is being held in his solicitors account until an agreement is made, our second hearing is in February, so I have no money and no assets that I can touch or use, or know how much of I will get, but can’t get any help. My family are amazing but have already paid out the 30k for the divorce (I will pay them back) and there’s not much left to lend.

Ask about a Makensie's friend. Someone who can accompany you throughout..

Yes, I’m in touch with the DAA, they are helping me on that front as much as they can. Hopefully I’ll have a
solicitor just for the day to help me through court with lent money even if I have to do all the paperwork etc beforehand myself. I’m just so scared he’ll get to see them especially unsupervised. 2 minutes with our 5 year old and he’ll know everything. Or do something awful

Is The house is your name too- a solicitor may do a charge against the house for fees??

This is what you stress. This man tried to kill you, stalked you, harassed you and assaulted you again. No contact for nearly 3 years a criminal and he will do it again.

dont be dramatic but this man can kill you and he’s not seen the children for 3 years. How is contact even feasible? How will you get these, safely? How can the children. Cafcass is the report you need.

be warned you can turn up and find like me that cafcass haven’t done safeguarding check (after a wait for 4 months) and the judge might reschedule. Does he have a solicitor?

Is he still working?

Do you have support from any domestic abuse service? If so they're allowed to support you in court now.

No court is going to agree to contact without a report from CAFCASS. If one hasn't already been ordered that's going to take weeks and won't be done this side of February.

Thanks, this is what I’ll stress. He has a barrister, he isn’t working so claiming UC (hasn’t ever paid child maintenance due to this) but has a million pound inheritance in trust that nobody can look into without paying money I don’t have. The usual type

I have a call with the domestic abuse alliance on Monday. Cafcass has been instructed, I had to call yesterday to give them my details (address phone number etc) as they didnt have them. They told me they’ll do a phone interview with us both at some stage? And then write a recommendation letter. Court date is in 5 and a bit weeks

All this

Just one thing - submit the restraining order before the hearing and ask beforehand for different entrance etc. Get all the special measurements that helps.

Also op if you have an IDVA or are receiving support from women's aid, they can be with you at the hearing. They can't do much but if you don't have any other support during the hearing it's still very helpful to have someone sitting next to you.

As others have mentioned you need your local IDVA and any social worker if you have one. IDVA can offer support at court. They also suggested local university law dept that might be able to offer assistance from law students (mine doesn't do family law) Similar position and moved 300 miles away and luckily have support but going it alone after running out of money. SW and police are concerned that if things don't go his way then it will be just the one time he gets to me. So yes you need information about the previous criminal case, any statements from school/nursery, social services, friends/family about that period, any further information the police will provide as well as IDVA. Any idea of previous partners and if they would provide statements of similar behaviour? Now that he is out, has there been a MARAC or strategy meeting since he's asking for contact and you also in danger? If you contact your local childrens services what can they assist with? CAFCASS hit and miss as it really depends on who you get. I'm lucky with the current one but when she was off sick, the cover was noticeably pro dad which was picked up by numerous other professionals. Also be aware that court reports can disclose your address or at least proximity when details are supposed to be redacted so check and check again. SW report disclosed GP details which was really identifying for various reasons. If London area there is a service which might offer free barrister - will try and find link for you. If anywhere else then really there isn't much help. BUT at very least you sound high risk so IDVA and police, school should hold MARAC/Strat which you can use in court as evidence of risk of harm/safeguarding.

Get the email address and email scanned in police reports, injuries, sentences etc to cafcass. Scan as pdf and page number summary sheet on the front
case number etc

go to the csa and make sure in the financial dispute you supply any details of trust fund and his assets(also pension and car)

yes some of cafcass and police can be pro dad. My ex turned up having agreed to leave the marital home and not return and then turned up bold as brass demanding clothes back. I called the police and gave them solicitors letter from his to mine agreeing he would not return.

The female police officer arrived and demanded to come in (small children in the house) and spoke to him and told me I was being awkward and then she accompanied me upstairs despite me saying he had taken all his clothes etc and she demanded to look in his wardrobe, there was a scruffy black leather jacket shoved in the bottom which she does Ed and went ‘aha you do have his clothes’ I pointed out he had been given supervised access 6 weeks earlier and told to take him clothes and I hadn’t been in his wardrobe since. The woman wrote in her police report that I was hostile, akward and concealed clothes in his wardrobe. I was terrified what a court would say fortunately my broken elbow was enough. My solicitor complained and wrote a formal letter to the local police force and we did get an apology which she also put in the bundle. But some professionals do have an axe to grind.

I doubt you will get a safeguarding report before Christmas. And please check the SS does not give him your address or phone number or put it on paperwork etc.

have a chronological list of your abuse and what happened in date order both forward and back

eg 2000 met Tony both working in bank x
started dating
2003 Tony and I moved into a place together
2004 pregnant with Lucy
2005 moved to x address
2006 emotional and verbal abuse and coercive behaviour started specific examples include - being called fat, etc etc
2007 Tony shoved me late once evening after her had been drinking with his friends and apologised, I had no marks but realised the relationship wasn’t good Tony promised to improve
2008- pregnant with Dan
2009 birth of Dan
2010 Tony hit me Dan and Lucy in the house and witnessed….
text messages with threat to kill from Tony and Tim his brother etc or whatever

copies of texts from extended family to show they can’t be involved in supervision of access etc
etc

do it forward and back and have it during your call but start off with

• do you have a copy of the restraining order?
• Do you have a copy of the current police protection and relocation etc

Thanks for all your replies. Do I need to do all this before just the first court appointment? I have copies of his sentencing report, police protection, restraining order etc. He has of course fully lied on his court forms and filled in a load of rubbish. If cafcass haven’t done a safeguarding report before then, what will happen at the first appointment? I’m so scared they’ll just go by what he’s written down, as he’s filed the form for domestic abuse with his application, listing that court protections (screens etc) need to be put in place, that there is DV that has been followed by a conviction, and that he has a restraining order (he has one ON him to protect ME as in he is the named perpetrator) - but he’s filed them as if he is the victim, all these things exist against him, not as the applicant!

What is the first hearing for ( it will say something like directions) and time estimate?
The CAFCASS safeguarding report isn't a full CIR or child impact report (section 7 by another name). The safeguarding is literally just checks they do with Police etc. This should throw up a huge amount of evidence against your ex obviously.
From that CAFCASS will likely recommended further reports so when I asked the name of the hearing, if it is a directions hearing DRA the outcome could be...CAFCASS do CIR report, you'll both have to respond then back to court in another 3 months time. Actually make that 4 to 5 months with Christmas etc.

It’s a FHDRA and timescale of an hour. Says the applicant should prepare a bundle, and cafcass must write a safeguarding letter. Respondent and applicant must write a a4 position statement.
Then it says • It is alleged that the Applicant is the victim of domestic abuse and the respondent has served a custodial sentence.

I’m reasonably sure you can get legal aid for family proceedings if you are a victim of DA - easily demonstrated in your case. Find a solicitor who specialises in family law.

Isn’t he the applicant?

He is the applicant, I’m the respondent. It says the only reports they require before rhe hearing are regarding me. It says he is a victim of domestic abuse and I have a conviction and a restraining order (obviously rhat is actually him.) Do I write to the court?! It also says ‘as these directions have been made without a hearing you may ask the Court to reconsider this order. You
must do that within seven days of receiving this order by writing to the Court (and notifying any other party)
and asking the court to reconsider.’
The application is all wrong!!
I’m hoping I can get some legal advice tomorrow 😟

Yes he is!!

A FHDRA is a first hearing where directions for next steps are agreed.

I would write a brief position statement (you have all the info) stating why you do not consider contact safe with evidence (again brief so stick to his conviction and restraining order).

Also include the voice of the children, there's been no contact for 2.5 years and importantly the impact on them. Include having to uproot their how lives to be safe from him.

At this stage the court just need an outline to decide what to do next.

Keep in factual and, at all times just focus on the needs of the children.

Email to court within the timescale they've given you.

Realise they've muddled applicant and respondents but you can deal with this in your position statement.

Thanks. Looks like I may be able to get some legal aid or at least some advice this week and have contacted my IDVA, family centre, the Dv support case officer at the police etc and am hoping I’ll get some more support tomorrow. Have got over the initial emotional shock and determined to move forward now. Still scared but determined. Thanks so much for all the advice