POA for me? ADHD, Bipolar, Autism

[Letsformanallegiance]

Hi, I could do with some advice. I suffered horrific abuse from my ex husband and the marriage broke down 18 months ago. We had a number of businesses, which I ran exclusively although my ex was a Director. I have Bipolar, Autism and ADHD. Due to my conditions I suffer terribly with procrastination and avoidance when stressed. I was not able to work for the past year and I’m skint, in massive arrears, in debt and our businesses need to go insolvent. The accounts are overdue. I couldn’t afford a solicitor, or Accountant. My ex carried out a campaign of harassment and abuse which worsened when we split. He stole my 100K company car which I was about the sell to keep the businesses afloat, by changing it illegally from our limited company to his own name, without me being aware. The police said they couldn’t do anything as it was his car on the logbook (he planned this is advance) and the insurance wouldn’t pay out. Ex just stole the money by selling the asset.

I have friends abroad and basically just ran away from all my problems, went abroad to heal and mentally shut down. I threw all my letters in the bin and simply was not able to function. Now I’m a lot better, I don’t know where to start. Our house is up for sale and I’m now making partial mortgage payments where I can. The mortgage is 5K a month! Because when we bought it the businesses were doing very well. I have a legal occupation order but my ex isn’t paying anything towards the mortgage or bills. I’m now back earning a little and trying hard to function.

I want to start tackling things but it all seems so big and scary. I avoid it all everyday and wake up in the night in sweats. I also feel very guilty and ashamed about how I failed to act properly. Which makes things worse. I simply don’t have the money to hire people to help me, like legal or financial professionals. I thought about appointing somebody as POA but again, I can’t pay anyone yet. I should get 250K from the house sale, as will my ex. I have no friends or family that can help, as I ghost people when I get ill. So relationships are strained. And the friends I have, I don’t want to burden them with my problems.

I just feel like I’m sinking daily. Is there anything I can do? Or any organisations to help?

It all sounds awful. Well done for getting yourself back to where you are able to at least start tackling this.

hopefully someone with more direct experience will be along. But my starting suggestion would be Citizens Advice, and also ADHD UK who may be able to help.

i expect what you need to do is to go through it and make a plan, tackling the most urgent things first, and breaking it down into the tiniest possible steps to take so it feels less overwhelming. But you may need help doing that planning.

i fear you are going to have to find some money to pay for professional help, to sort out the accounts and the house sale. But a sympathetic diligent bookkeeper would cost less than an accountant.

also don’t write off friends and family. I know some will be awful and never understand, but given your condition and circumstances, I would at least try explaining why you ghost them and appear to disappear and be “flakey”. I know there are some good books and guides for relatives to help them understand how and why you struggle, and ADHD UK may have some recommendations.

good luck

https://www.gov.uk/get-help-insolvency-service this looks like a good place to start. I promise that once you get started and talk to people who can help you, it will feel much more achievable. You might have to start from scratch again, money wise, but it will be a fresh start, with space to breathe.

Small tasks, don’t even try to think of tackling everything at once.

Do you get hyper focuses? If you do, when? Mine usually kick in around 2/3pm which is a totally useless time as I’ve got to pick up kids from school which gets in the way of my productivity! If you function better in the evening, do it at nighttime.

Write down a list (you can purchase a nice new notebook/planner/get an app for this purpose) and take baby steps getting through it. Be aware that you’re going to be in executive function paralysis as you’re faced with a wall of impossibility, but it’s not impossible.

If you’ve got paperwork to sort out, open all of it and organise it in date order.

If you work better off paper, print out emails.

What is the worse thing that makes you hide thinking about? If you owe money to HMRC, deal with them first. Have you spoken to the mortgage company and asked for a payment holiday? How are assets divided within the company? Don’t offer to pay any debts that are shared. You can research insolvency as a hyper focus.

I’d also consider deducting the £100k value of his car from his share of house proceeds. Before someone says “That’s not legal” I know it isn’t but there’s no harm in asking. He’s stolen £100k so OP can at least try an recoup some of that. (Why did you have a £100k car btw?? Do you overspend as part of your bi-polar/ADHD? Be aware of that so you’ve got notice in case you spiral).

There may be a debt charity that can help with personal debts, but I don’t think any will be able to advise you on business insolvency. If you’ve had several successful companies then you will be able to work out most things for yourself.

Keep focused on the end game of being free from your ex. Recalibrate your overwhelm and turn it into a hyperfocus to get things done.

Best of luck!