Ex Partner's sister called ss (AGAIN)

[P4r3nt]

Hi,

Backstory: We got a visit from ss last year. My ex partner's sister made a false allegation about her dad (my son's grandad). Saying he was religiously radicalising my son and my ex partners 2 kids. For context her sister has bipolar disorder and is mentally ill.

It was a horrible time for all. Ss went into the kids schools, checked the house, dentist, GP etc. But we welcomed ss to see nothing wqs wrong. The social worker said it was clearly a malicious report and thats what it would.be reported as.

Current situation: She's(ex's sister) now attacked her father and in the same week reported that she was sexually abused by her father when she was a child. And has reported because the kids go visit there grandad every now.and then, they are at risk.

This is another WILD and completely FALSE accusations. But ss still have gone out and questioned the kids in school and my 3 year old in nursery.

Im stressed, angry and upset. Ive discussed this with the nursery. I called ss and the social worker was VERY RUDE basically dismissing my concerns of a repeat false allegation.

Ive contacted family solicitors who are going to send a letter to.the social services to find out more. Another family member has come out since confirming her bad period of mental health.

So the fact she physically assaulted her father, has a criminal.record, has a history of false allegations and there's no.evidence of sexual abuse. The ss still have to.investigate! Despite it being a clear repeat malicious report.

Sorry this is a rant and wanting advice if anyone else (im sure this happens a lot) has been through this?

Would you prefer it if they didn’t bother?

I know it’s stressful. I’m sure it’s stressful. But I’m not sure what you want SS to do.

Its the principle more than anything. I'd rather my children not get Subjected to being taking out of school and asked invasive, inappropriate questions every year. Because of some mentally ill individual has a flare up. And then our whole lives being put under a microscope.

So yeah I would prefer ss would use common sense and understand that this is clearly a repeat false allegation against her father. And this does not involve our children in any way.

What if it's true?

I think your Solicitor needs to advise you on this

There may be action that can be taken against your ex's sister - Harassment perhaps and given what has happened so far Social Services need tread carefully if further allegations are made.

My thoughts exactly. What if it was true and SS didn’t investigate OP? You don’t know it’s not true at this point in the investigation.

Edited to add while I appreciate it’s upsetting and stressful, allegations need to be investigated otherwise no child would be safeguarded.

Completely understand that, and I get where ss are coming from. However, the sick individual has admitted to concocting all of this to her brother. Whilst I agree of course its important to investigate allegations.

But I thought it was innocent until proven guilty? Not the other way around? So why are my children subjected to this absolute BS every year. When do we draw the line and say this is now harassment and stressful to the children. When will it stop?

When it comes to children I would rather they didn't take much risks although I do get the frustration they will probably take the view that she could be the way she is BECAUSE she has been abused

And they need to check

I have no idea how you draw a line, I’ve never been in your situation but when allegations are made they must be investigated. No-one is saying anyone’s guilty but SS must investigate. To be honest, if any allegations had been made that included my children (mental health issues involved or not), I’d be safeguarding my children first and foremost and concentrating on them. Speak to your solicitor would be my advice.

Again I get it. But she has concocted the whole thing (apparently there is voice note evidence of this).

First thing I have safeguarded the children. Me and my ex have agreed with ss that they will not have any contact with their grandfather until the investigation has been completed.

Secondly we further want to safeguard the children by not allowing them to be frequently asked invasive and inappropriate questions which has affected them.

We have nothing to hide. But the principle behind it, our children should not be subjected to this especially as it is clearly a false accusations.

from what you have said this person is making allegations against your ex father in law that he is a sexual abuser.

which might well explain her mental illness.

In any event sexual abuse is a very difficult thing to prove in a criminal context as the burden on prosecutions being successful is 99% certainty.

Bearing in mind you appear to be talking about young children, if i were in your boots, i would conclude that it is impossible for me to know what is and is not the truth.

the simple answer is do not let your children anywhere near this man ever again, and that will end all your problems, and ensure that your children are safe.

I've had reason to read up a lot on your SIL's condition lately and the latest thinking appears that it is caused by trauma. SS are damned if they do, damned if they dont, but with her diagnosis and what she's alleging, I'd want SS to look into these allegations.

Absolutely needs investigation. They are trained in talking to dc. They won’t be leading them.

And the most unreliable looking witnesses are made that way by trauma.
Survivors of abuse don’t always make great witnesses.

It requires a thorough investigation, especially since trauma often exacerbates mental illness.

Once the investigation is concluded, you can choose to distance yourself from this situation. The family members involved need to make some hard decisions about ongoing contact with her and even consider moving away to create some physical distance.

What if it’s true?

What if childhood abuse is the cause of her mental ill health?

Why are you so certain it’s not true?

SS have to investigate, it's that simple. An abuser can hide in plain sight, be a family person, look and act normal - they don't have a neon sign on their head advertising they're a monster. Your ex SIL is making allegations against her Dad, so your children's Grandfather. Now it might be as you say, she is mentally unwell, and your ex FIL is completely innocent but on the other hand, what if she's telling the truth? Trauma can cause someone to have mental health issues. Of course, it's a difficult concept to comprehend, this is your children's Grandfather, the Father of your ex, but you don't know if these allegations have any merit or not. I appreciate you don't want your children being asked intrusive questions, but SS are trained to speak to young children. Going forward, you and your ex are going to have to discuss the real possibility of keeping your children away from his Dad, to stop them from being dragged into any further investigations. Or your ex must be with his children, whilst visiting his Dad, so that you can say to SS that your children have no unsupervised access with their Grandfather. It goes without saying, absolutely no contact with your ex SIL.