Who do I need to get help from?

[CocoPlum]

I just need a straight answer and I feel like wherever I look for advice I don't get one!

I'm divorced and want to get a financial order in place.

Ex is much better off than I am, I want to get advice on how we should split the finances - I'm not as bothered about his pension but I would like a greater split of the house instead (I have worked pt since kids, he has worked ft and earns much more than me).

Because I don't have money to spare, I've been looking at fixed fee services that create the order for you, or offer mediation, etc, but I can't find one that will give what I need - someone who will look at our financial disclosure forms and tell me what a reasonable split would be.

Can anyone tell me exactly what/who I should be looking for for this service? I don't want to get locked in to paying hundreds for a consultation with a solicitor just to discover I need someone else, but googling isn't really helping and I'm overwhelmed.

You're going to find it hard to get a fixed fee for negotiations as they may take a couple of hours or a couple of years. Get a fixed fee meeting with a lawyer someone can recommend to you and they will be able to give you a realistic view of what you can achieve, Decide from there what steps you want to take.

I have options for negotiations if needed. I just need someone to tell me who can look at the financial disclosures and advise on what would be fair. Is that a solicitor?

Yes.

Thank you! I know I sound stupid but I've been through so many guides and sites and everything gets so convoluted. This is literally all I needed to know but I haven't managed to find anywhere that says "this is who can tell you what is fair". I just need a starting point to start the discussion. Thank you again.

You can go through the process with mediation. You seek advice from a solicitor after you've shared your financial position for advice and after you've reached an agreement to make sure it would stand in front of the judge.

The pension might be worth more than the house equity by the way.

This is why it's confusing, because how do I go to mediation without a clear idea of what I would he entitled to? Because mediators can't tell you, apparently.

Oh almost certainly, which is why I need advice. I don't want to go after his pension or inheritance but a 50/50 on the house seems unfair.

His pension might well be the most valuable element of your joint assets. I wouldn’t be dismissing it, or his inheritance, just yet.
Do you know the value of his pension?

Not yet. I've asked him for a disclosure form. I have one that I had for only a few years when working FT and it's now worth £30k, apparently, so who knows what his will be after FT for 20+ years in a much better paying role.

I've known two couples over my 50+ years on earth that divorced. One couple that did it through solicitors from the outset and one couple that sat down themselves before going to a solicitor.

The couple that used solicitors from the outset (as they weren't talking) walked away with very little in the way of assets or cash as by the time they argued and quarrelled back and forth through solicitors they had left themselves with massive bills.

The other couple who sat down and spoke about it actually got great deals for themselves. For example, the wife agreed to leave the husbands pension alone if he continued to contribute to the mortgage payments each month, and it was agreed the wife would keep the kids in said house. If the house was to be sold, the profits would be split equally.

If you both have a good understanding of what assets are available, it's firstly about putting priority on them. Do you want the house more than his pension?. Bargain with him for it. Come to an arrangement on CMS, make him an offer he can't refuse. At the end of the day, if he earns more than you do then you 'technically' could be entitled to more from him than he from you however that could involve solicitors and a lengthy delay. If you have a firm idea of what you want now, strike quick.

If you can, sit down, bang it out and come up with a DIY Consent Order which spells out what you both get, then a solicitor could charge anything from a few hundred quid to upwards of a grand as a fixed fee to format it legally. There are also court fee's, etc, but generally the solicitors fee's would the most.

Hope that helps somehow.

This is what we're planning to do BUT he wants us to walk away with 50-50 on the shared house and no going after each other's pensions, savings etc. He owns a new house and I believe will have received an inheritance recently, plus the bigger pension and much higher salary. He's always given me more in CM than CMS would allocate, which was equal to the mortgage when he left. I've never asked for this to be increased so it's been the same amount for 10+ years even though CoL has gone up massively and the mortgage payments are higher.

He's said he's open to a "reasonable" discussion but this is why I need someone to look at all the figures and tell me what is a reasonable split. I have no idea if a solicitor would tell me to buy him out at 50% of the house's value, or if that would be massively undervaluing what I'd be worth.

I just need a starting point to start the discussion

im sure you realise, but in case it helps anyone else, my lovely friend went into negotiations with what she felt was a fair offer, while her XDH started with a number of frankly outrageous demands.

as the negotiations unfolded, of course, it meant that he could make concessions which left him in a reasonable even good position, whereas any concessions she made reduced her position below reasonable.

not a very lovely tactic, but worth being aware that it can happen that way.

Well, if he's OK with 50/50 then so be it. If he earns more and has a much more attractive pension, tell him it's 50/50 for everything and draft the consent order accordingly.

If he doesn't agree to it or wants to argue the toss you simply apply for a financial order from the court and they'll split everything, including his savings and pension, 50/50 and if he wants to contest it then it will likely cost him a small fortune in solicitors fee's.

50/50 is the best you can expect, it's the maximum obviously therefore it's the most reasonable so if he isn't agreeable to any particular requests that would suit you more, I would go down the financial order route.

In regards to finding someone to advise you on what else could be "reasonable", then I'm afraid the best option would have to be a divorce lawyer, and they come at a considerable cost because of the expertise.

Of course he wants you to agree to 50:50 on the house and not go after each others pensions. That massively favours him.

if that’s his approach, you could start at 50:50 everything, then agree to keep the house instead of some of his pension. Make sure you are looking at the equity in the house, not its over all value.

and that you will need a pension too, as you don’t have much of a one. Good luck.

Whilst it’s going to cost you getting a good divorce Solicitor, it sounds like you definitely need advice, if he’s got another house, savings and a decent pension, inheritance etc, I would have thought you should be entitled to much more than 50/50.

I think you misunderstand.

He wants us to split our house 50:50, with no touching of the other's assets. He has earned more than me, working FT for years, so presumably has a very decent pension, and another house. I have a tiny pension.

I am not saying I don't agree with 50-50 of total assets, but if the house splits 50-50 he would walk away with probably 75% of total assets.

I don't mis-understand, unless there are mitigating factors then most UK courts will go for a simple 50/50 of all assets and debts. There could be potential for Spousal Maintenance but you would need to be a lot worse off than him to stand a chance of that, and courts normally take other factors into consideration like how long you've been married, you being the primary caregiver to the children, bought house, etc.

ChatGPT gives this for example:

Let’s say:

• Married 10 years
• Two children (ages 8 and 5)
• You earn £20,000/year
• He earns £80,000/year
• £400,000 family home, £100,000 pension each

A typical court outcome might look like:

• You keep the family home (or most of the equity) so the children can stay there
• You receive child maintenance based on his income (likely around £1,000–£1,200/month total)
• You might receive spousal maintenance (e.g. £500–£1,000/month for a few years)
• He keeps more of the pensions/savings to balance things out

That could easily add up to well over 50% of total assets in your favour, depending on your needs and his ability to pay.

However, even if he agrees to forfeiting his portion of equity on the home, he will likely refuse to pay towards the mortgage and will want something back in return like his pension being left alone. As I've said previously, the best outcome for you is what you and your ex husband are able to agree would suit each other the best, if you can't do that for fear of missing out on something, you're only option is a divorce lawyer.

Yes, this is what I want to agree on. My problem has been that lots of websites tell me I need advice, but it never says clearly "if you need advice on what would be a fair split, this is who to talk to". And that's all I need, really, I don't need to hear all the ways in which you can discuss an agreement as that info is available in spades, but I feel like I've gone in circles finding out who can look at all finances and say "here is a fair starting point that the court will sign off on".

but it never says clearly "if you need advice on what would be a fair split, this is who to talk to". And that's all I need

You need professional and personal advice because like us, a website doesn't know every aspect of your position or your ex husbands position, only by sitting down and going through everything with a divorce lawyer (family law solicitor) will you be able to get the answer you seek but do be prepared for large bills unfortunately. As I've repeatedly said, the best option is to come to an agreement on what suits you best and your ex husband, take whatever he cares the most about and use it to your advantage. If that isn't possible, it's a divorce lawyer.