Child Maintenance Support

[PinkDaisies1]

My son’s dad walked out on him when he was 4 years old (he’s now 11). I haven’t claimed child maintenance support for any of this time as I didn’t realise it was a legal requirement. If I make a claim now can my son’s dad suddenly decide he wants a relationship with his son?

So You have not had a penny from him?

and no relationship between your son and him at all?

He was in the army so from 0-4 years old he saw him occasionally but wasn’t very consistent. He decided when he was 4 years old that he wasn’t going to make the effort anymore and I haven’t heard from him since.

do you even have contact details?

so your son hasn’t even seen him for 7 years?

He won’t be made to see his father

that money should be claimed

I know his name and I have a number for him but no idea if this is still the correct one. No my son hasn’t seen him since he was 4 and doesn’t remember him

I’d claim

My worry is if I’d have a leg to stand on if he suddenly wanted to see his son again. I don’t want my son to end up hurt and would worry about the impact of this on my son if he turned up after all this time

IF he took it to court (unlikely) then your son is of an age where he can refuse. You just have to show you are prepared to facilitate but no court will force a child of his age upon a stranger

This makes me feel better. Thank you!

I was in a similar situation, DS 13 & DD 11. No contact since 1.5 years & 3 months old. Finally made a claim for CM last year after struggling financially. He threatened court and access (not that I’ve ever denied him) I assume in a bid to make me drop the claim but I stood strong and low and behold a year later the CMS collect the payment monthly and I have heard nothing more. You can’t force the bastard to support your child emotionally or physically but they can’t get away with financially, your child is entitled to that money. Make the claim!

Oh and to add. I sought legal advice and my solicitor basically laughed. No court in the land will force a child to see a stranger.

And did you get money for all the past months?

Good on you! My next step was seeking legal advice so that’s good to know!!

Why would you spend money?

make the claim
IF he pursues tell him to go to court
he won’t
if he does, your son won’t be forced to see a man he hasn’t seen for 7 years

I think some solicitors offer 30 mins free but it was more to find out whether my son had a say in his dad coming back into his life again as I wasn’t sure about either of our rights. I just feel like it will trigger a reaction but I guess he’s had 7 years to try and see him and hasn’t

They don’t
its a mumsnet urban legend

I’ve been having this exact dilemma in my head. My son is 8, has never had any contact with his dad- not even a birthday card. Dad was seriously abusive, has another child he isn’t allowed to see, and was told by social services, pre birth, to apply through the courts for contact with my son. I’d love to apply for maintenance but I’m terrified of him coming back into our life if I do though, so I’ve never done it.

There is no legal requirement to claim child maintenance, but you can do so.

If your ex applies for contact, your son's wishes will be taken into account but won't necessarily be the determining factor. However, after no contact for 7 years, the best your ex is likely to get is indirect contact such as letters, emails and cards.

You will only receive payment from the date you made the claim. I got a hell of a lot of abuse for a few weeks until he realised he couldn’t bully me and gave up. If my children asked to have a relationship with him I would facilitate it through the proper channels but neither of them want to see, hear or read what he has to say. My advice would be to always be upfront and honest with your child and let them feel they are in control of their choices, whether you like those choices or not.

This. I only went to my solicitor because he was contacting my entire bloodline and being intimidating so I got her to write him a letter saying all comms go through her and she awaits his court application which obviously never came 😵‍💫 cost me around £1500 but it’s money well spent to not have him hounding and trying to manipulate!

He can go to court at any time to begin the process of contact with your ds.

If put in a claim.