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Original poster

Child maintenance

19 replies

Kellyh88 · 05/09/2025 19:36

Hello.

Long but will make short.

My ex and I have 2 children whom he was never bothered with. He cheated on me with his mates wife (they are still together but live separately)

We had an agreement for over 6 years on maintenance he paid me and it was never the 'full amount' coupled with years of abuse via email and harassment and threats. Been to solicitors several times.

Fast forward to some super horrible times and my daughter goes to live with her Dad. My son stayed with me. He is now 16 and just stopped getting CB for him.

Our daughter left me end of April and he ceased paying CM as we both were fully responsible for a child.

Today I had a letter from CSA asking for child maintenance!

He waited until the 31.08 cut off so I couldn't counter claim.

Our son who i am fully responsible for financially plus my 2 younger kids is now too old for the CB and due to his choice post GCSE, isn't in further education or even full time work (hes applying for the forces)

Its not that I'm not wanting to pay for my daughter, more the principle of the sheer issue he's caused us the last 7 years and now this. I will seek legal help again but I can't be the only one in this position?

The things he has done and said had lead to mine and my daughters estrangement too.

I'm so upset on many levels. Any advice is welcome!

OP posts:
WhereAreAllTheHairBobbles · 05/09/2025 20:47

I think you just have to pay it.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/09/2025 20:49

It’s shit but he legally is in the right here, if he has her then he is owed child maintenance.

Original poster
Kellyh88 · 05/09/2025 21:19

Thanks for replies. I've had my son since April with zero paying from him. I mean I've had them both since birth essentially until April and my daughter went to live with him.

He's not paid me anything since as we had an agreement.

Will csa take into account financial situation as I don't earn much and it's very right as is?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 05/09/2025 21:49

Unfortunately the past is irrelevant really, you should have put a CMS claim in yourself.

He is entitled to claim if he now has her, there’s nothing you can do about that legally.

They take a % of your income so yes how much you pay depends on how much you earn, they do the calculation.

yosemite78 · 19/09/2025 10:13

He sounds like a very nasty and bitter man. Feel your frustration! It’s the underhand way he’s done it that is wrong, especially if you had an agreement between yourselves.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 19/09/2025 10:19

Your son won't be taken into account as no longer entitled to cb but your 2 youngest will be. You will have to pay but it probably won't be very much

Collaborate · 19/09/2025 16:41

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 19/09/2025 10:19

Your son won't be taken into account as no longer entitled to cb but your 2 youngest will be. You will have to pay but it probably won't be very much

I got the impression the father was not the parent of the younger two.

MN is such a predictable place. Mothers receiving maintenance are entitled to every penny, if not more.

In the few responses to this thread we already have "it's shit" and "he's a nasty and bitter man". Give your heads a wobble ladies.

OP - go on to the online calculator to work out how much you will have to pay. They take in to account your gross income as per your last P60, together with deductions for how many nights your child stays with you and deductions for pension contributions and having other children in your household.

ARichtGoodDram · 19/09/2025 16:43

Legally he's entitled to it

CMS will take into account that you have two younger children in your home when assessing your income.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/09/2025 16:54

I don’t understand why you can’t counter claim now? Surely he’s still responsible for paying for the 16 year old until he’s 18 or leaves home?

how olds your daughter ?

ScrollingLeaves · 19/09/2025 17:05

I have seen tgat parents are financially responsible for their child until they are 18. So while your son is living with you Chikd Maintenance calculations should take him into account. When is he going to join the armed forces?

Perhaps you need legal advice due to the lacuna in CM rules someone mentioned ( if they are right) which means they don’t recognise the need to pay for DS because he is neither in school or higher education yet in actual fact he is financially your dependent.

ScrollingLeaves · 19/09/2025 17:27

I think you and your ex husband are legally financially responsible for your child until he reaches 18 regardless of whether or not he is in education.

But because he is over sixteen and not in education (as he is applying for the armed services), he is considered ‘non qualifying for Child Maintenance’ payments.

Therefore the law and CM are apparently contradictory. There must be some legal arrangements for this. Why not go to Citizens Advice, and also try asking CM ( but remember people on the other end don’t always know much).

If I were you I would make him enroll immediately tomorrow in full time education in College to get the full quota of the correct post 16 qualifications in subjects that interest him.

It won’t stop him from applying to the armed services.
Meanwhile he would be getting educated as he should be and he would be entitled to CM.

He can’t just leave school and put you in this position. If he does not go back into full time education he needs a full time job and to pay you for food and heat etc.

Why does applying to the services mean his life is on hold?

InMyShowgirlEra · 19/09/2025 17:44

He has played the system here but unfortunately it would appear he has won. The best thing to have done would have been to have put in a claim for maintenance as soon as you split up, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 19/09/2025 17:46

Collaborate · 19/09/2025 16:41

I got the impression the father was not the parent of the younger two.

MN is such a predictable place. Mothers receiving maintenance are entitled to every penny, if not more.

In the few responses to this thread we already have "it's shit" and "he's a nasty and bitter man". Give your heads a wobble ladies.

OP - go on to the online calculator to work out how much you will have to pay. They take in to account your gross income as per your last P60, together with deductions for how many nights your child stays with you and deductions for pension contributions and having other children in your household.

Show quote history

Doesn't matter that he's not the father she will still get a reduction to her income to take account of the 2 children in her household.

WasherWoman25 · 19/09/2025 18:04

The problem here is you didn’t put a claim in when you were entitled to and allowed him to get away with not paying the correct amount.

Having one child each also doesn’t change the CMS calculations, who ever earnt more would have been paying the other person more.

The past doesn’t change that you are now required to pay maintenance for your DD.

ARichtGoodDram · 19/09/2025 18:06

LaurieFairyCake · 19/09/2025 16:54

I don’t understand why you can’t counter claim now? Surely he’s still responsible for paying for the 16 year old until he’s 18 or leaves home?

how olds your daughter ?

Only if he's in applicable education to qualify for Child benefit, which the op says he's not.

ScrollingLeaves · 19/09/2025 19:15

ARichtGoodDram · 19/09/2025 18:06

Only if he's in applicable education to qualify for Child benefit, which the op says he's not.

Show quote history

They are both legally financially responsible for him though until he is 18 so something is not matching up. The OP needs special advice.

ARichtGoodDram · 19/09/2025 19:21

They are both legally financially responsible for him though until he is 18 so something is not matching up. The OP needs special advice.

Once he leaves education, which he has, the NRP has no financial responsibility to the child. No advice is going to tell her any different - the second child benefit stops that's it.

Dems45 · 19/09/2025 19:25

ScrollingLeaves · 19/09/2025 17:27

I think you and your ex husband are legally financially responsible for your child until he reaches 18 regardless of whether or not he is in education.

But because he is over sixteen and not in education (as he is applying for the armed services), he is considered ‘non qualifying for Child Maintenance’ payments.

Therefore the law and CM are apparently contradictory. There must be some legal arrangements for this. Why not go to Citizens Advice, and also try asking CM ( but remember people on the other end don’t always know much).

If I were you I would make him enroll immediately tomorrow in full time education in College to get the full quota of the correct post 16 qualifications in subjects that interest him.

It won’t stop him from applying to the armed services.
Meanwhile he would be getting educated as he should be and he would be entitled to CM.

He can’t just leave school and put you in this position. If he does not go back into full time education he needs a full time job and to pay you for food and heat etc.

Why does applying to the services mean his life is on hold?

Absolutely indeed, the law is very contradictory on this. It used to be the case however that you could apply for a 20 week extension to child benefit if your child has registered their intent to join the armed forces, so it’s worth the OP looking into this?

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